Oh...

I've been very busy the last 2 months. I suppose it shows, what with lack of posts.

I suppose... I should give you some small details from the things that have happened in the last while, since I've neglected this page, for quite some time.

As of 3 weeks ago, I was pregnant with my first child. Yes, a big, momentous event, indeed. I was thrilled. Cliff was beyond thrilled. My parents were totally stoked. Unfortunately, on June 11th, at 5 am, I lost my baby, three and a half months into my pregnancy.

I was leery of writing about being pregnant, mainly for the fact that I wasn't over my first trimester, and I wasn't comfortable discussing it in a fairly public venue. I'm still not too comfortable discussing it in a public venue, but maybe that might shed some light as to why I wasn't writing very much. Most of the time I was sleeping, bitchy (not a big change from the usual...) and when I wasn't sleeping, I was working. Or eating. Or bitching. Or massaging my sore feet. One of those, just pick one at random.

I was... Am... Highly traumatized by the whole event, even though I keep on telling myself to "Get over it". I don't really want to discuss it. I've learned more about my mental state, or lack thereof, more than ever in the past 3 weeks. I spent a week lying in bed, mourning the loss of my baby, and recuperating, and the last 2 weeks struggling to make ends meet from that week that I had to take off of work, that isn't covered by medical leave from my work despite my bosses best efforts to make it that way. Fun? No. Not so much.

It's been very hard for me, to contemplate writing in here, when all I've been trying to do is clear my thoughts, and remain calm and collected. I'm not doing a very good job. It's really difficult to maintain a happy face when my thoughts are so troubled and cluttered with grief.

Once again, the brightest spot in my life is Cliff, who outshines my highest hopes and expectations, giving me love, affection, devotion and support; and expecting nothing else other than for me to be myself in return. I am a very lucky woman.

If I don't return to write in here for a while, I'll beg your pardon for the bloggus interruptus. I'm still sorting through how I feel and for once, GSD doesn't feel like a welcome, reliable outlet to gush my feelings out into. Nothing personal of course, it's just that this whole scenario hurts too much for me to put out there for the whole world to dissect.

I'll see you guys on the flip flop, when I've waded out of the mire in my head, and back into Glamazon Shoe territory.