- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
- Ahhh... I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
- It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.
- I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
- I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks?
- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
- It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- No, my powers can only be used for good.
- You sound reasonable... time to up my medication.
- Who me? I just wander from room to room.
- Do I look like a people person?
- This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.
- I started out with nothing and still have most of it left.
- You! Off my planet!
- Does your train of thought have a caboose?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- A PBS mind in an MTV world.
- Allow me to introduce my selves.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
- Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- How many times must I flush before you leave?
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
47 Things You Wish You Could Say At Work...
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Eavesdropping...
(Linds is on the phone with Jay, while waiting for her bus after work.)
Linds: Well, you have what? 600 DVD's?
Jay: Yeah, something like that. I waste so much money on movies. It's ridiculous, Linds.
Linds: Nah. You're with movies the way I am with music. I'm a whore for music, you're a whore for movies.
Jay: I lust after your music collection... I want all of it.
Linds: Hey, hey, hey. That's something only the few privileged get. Anyways
I spoil you rotten, mister. How many mixed CD's have I made you now? I think it's around ten of them.
Jay: Yes, and they all rule. *pauses* Hey! Maybe one day, you're music collection and my movie collection will get married and have babies!!
Linds: Yeah! *pauses* But wouldn't they all be movie soundtracks?
Jay: *laughs*
(Later, in the same phone call...)
Jay: Oh, Linds, I was soooo sick last night. I think I drank half a bottle of Pepto Bismol. Fuck I hate that stuff... it tastes like that pink gum that you got as a kid. I hate that stuff too. That's like... Nazi candy.
Linds: No one likes that gum over the age of six, love. And wouldn't it would be like the candy the Nazi's gave the Jews?
Jay: *laughs* Jesus, Linds.
Linds: I'm so fucking bad. I'm going to hell, I know it. I'm sure I've offended half the people sitting at the bus loop.
Linds: Well, you have what? 600 DVD's?
Jay: Yeah, something like that. I waste so much money on movies. It's ridiculous, Linds.
Linds: Nah. You're with movies the way I am with music. I'm a whore for music, you're a whore for movies.
Jay: I lust after your music collection... I want all of it.
Linds: Hey, hey, hey. That's something only the few privileged get. Anyways
I spoil you rotten, mister. How many mixed CD's have I made you now? I think it's around ten of them.
Jay: Yes, and they all rule. *pauses* Hey! Maybe one day, you're music collection and my movie collection will get married and have babies!!
Linds: Yeah! *pauses* But wouldn't they all be movie soundtracks?
Jay: *laughs*
(Later, in the same phone call...)
Jay: Oh, Linds, I was soooo sick last night. I think I drank half a bottle of Pepto Bismol. Fuck I hate that stuff... it tastes like that pink gum that you got as a kid. I hate that stuff too. That's like... Nazi candy.
Linds: No one likes that gum over the age of six, love. And wouldn't it would be like the candy the Nazi's gave the Jews?
Jay: *laughs* Jesus, Linds.
Linds: I'm so fucking bad. I'm going to hell, I know it. I'm sure I've offended half the people sitting at the bus loop.
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Desperado...
O.k., so I'm not going to write much about this, but there is a potential interview for me with a well-paying graphic design company, most likely this week.
Most likely, on Friday. That is, if they call me today.
A friend and insider that works there (and coincidentally enough, passed along my resume and portfolio) says that my design is approximately ten times better than anything he's seen come out of the design team there.
He also says that the creative director was asking about what I do right now for work, and when replied to said, "Oh, so she'll need to give 2 weeks notice, yeah?" Those are good things.
Yes, I desperately want this job. No, I'm not trying to get my hopes up. The only thing is... They're up already. Dammit. I feel like puking, I'm so anxious.
It's doing something I studied for, and desperately long to do. My friend says that the more he hangs out with me, the more tortured I seem to get not being able to do creative work for a job, and he can't stand it anymore. He says he's waiting for my head to explode from frustration.
Lucky me. I've found something that wholly consumes me.
Jay is gone to 100 mile house for a week, and I do miss him, but after all our "drama" or non-communication, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, it's not just giving him a week to go up in the boonies to relax and think, it's also given me time to think. I don't know what I want anymore. Funny, eh? I was happily progressing to Head-over-heels and now I'm in limbo.
C'est la vie.
Most likely, on Friday. That is, if they call me today.
A friend and insider that works there (and coincidentally enough, passed along my resume and portfolio) says that my design is approximately ten times better than anything he's seen come out of the design team there.
He also says that the creative director was asking about what I do right now for work, and when replied to said, "Oh, so she'll need to give 2 weeks notice, yeah?" Those are good things.
Yes, I desperately want this job. No, I'm not trying to get my hopes up. The only thing is... They're up already. Dammit. I feel like puking, I'm so anxious.
It's doing something I studied for, and desperately long to do. My friend says that the more he hangs out with me, the more tortured I seem to get not being able to do creative work for a job, and he can't stand it anymore. He says he's waiting for my head to explode from frustration.
Lucky me. I've found something that wholly consumes me.
Jay is gone to 100 mile house for a week, and I do miss him, but after all our "drama" or non-communication, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, it's not just giving him a week to go up in the boonies to relax and think, it's also given me time to think. I don't know what I want anymore. Funny, eh? I was happily progressing to Head-over-heels and now I'm in limbo.
C'est la vie.
Friday, June 09, 2006
The Best Way...
To deter shoplifters, is to yammer on relentlessly, staying RIGHT NEXT TO THEM explaining every single detail of the products they are planning to steal, and then asking them if you can ring them in.
*giggles*
The best part, is seeing them run like fury, and looking up into the security camera where your co workers are watching you and giving a sunny smile at them. Then hearing them laugh out loud from the back room.
*giggles*
The best part, is seeing them run like fury, and looking up into the security camera where your co workers are watching you and giving a sunny smile at them. Then hearing them laugh out loud from the back room.
Wishing...
I had a PC so I could play "Chuzzle".
Damned yahoo games and their addictiveness.
Poo. back to Bejeweled, it is!
Damned yahoo games and their addictiveness.
Poo. back to Bejeweled, it is!
Monday, June 05, 2006
gah.
"I don't want a relationship right now, but I don't want to lose you. I care about you a lot."
...
.......
"Uh... So what the fucking hell does that mean?"
Does that mean that Linds stays friends, but doesn't keep looking for anything else,and feels like shit? Is that what it fucking means? You know what else?
It also means that Linds is kicking herself for buying you a two hundred dollar present for your goddamned birthday, that would have thrilled you down to your toes.
Yeah, I'm a fucking awesome girlfriend. Even though I'm not technically your girlfriend because you would "under normal circumstances had me classified as girlfriend within the month we started dating".
Though, you haven't actually recieved the gift yet... Even though my concience is telling me to take you anyways. Do you deserve to go? Fucked if I know.
*sighs*
Mad, frustrated. Lonely.
The reality of it is, you're the one setting guidelines, and I'm the one that is saying no fucking way.
I know this is an example of the pot calling the kettle black, because I did the same thing with Damien. Maybe it's karma biting me in the ass for hurting him.
Yes I'm confused, yes I'm hurt, but I'm not going to balk and be bashful and be controlled/submissive by your whims. I know that he's got enough issues as it is, his father committed suicide approximately a year ago, and June is "always a bad month for him"...
He's got family issues and baggage, but so does everyone.
It's not that I'm not sympathetic, I'm just frustrated that he hides inside himself and doesn't TELL me what's going on. I can understand he's in this boggled mind state, there's just not much that I can do to help other than offer a hug and my quiet company when he's feeling overwhelmed or alone.
It's just so damned hard, and I'm trying to understand. I'm trying to be there for you, and you're not accepting my offers. You're not even answering the goddamned phone.
I don't want to be abandoned again.
...
.......
"Uh... So what the fucking hell does that mean?"
Does that mean that Linds stays friends, but doesn't keep looking for anything else,and feels like shit? Is that what it fucking means? You know what else?
It also means that Linds is kicking herself for buying you a two hundred dollar present for your goddamned birthday, that would have thrilled you down to your toes.
Yeah, I'm a fucking awesome girlfriend. Even though I'm not technically your girlfriend because you would "under normal circumstances had me classified as girlfriend within the month we started dating".
Though, you haven't actually recieved the gift yet... Even though my concience is telling me to take you anyways. Do you deserve to go? Fucked if I know.
*sighs*
Mad, frustrated. Lonely.
The reality of it is, you're the one setting guidelines, and I'm the one that is saying no fucking way.
I know this is an example of the pot calling the kettle black, because I did the same thing with Damien. Maybe it's karma biting me in the ass for hurting him.
Yes I'm confused, yes I'm hurt, but I'm not going to balk and be bashful and be controlled/submissive by your whims. I know that he's got enough issues as it is, his father committed suicide approximately a year ago, and June is "always a bad month for him"...
He's got family issues and baggage, but so does everyone.
It's not that I'm not sympathetic, I'm just frustrated that he hides inside himself and doesn't TELL me what's going on. I can understand he's in this boggled mind state, there's just not much that I can do to help other than offer a hug and my quiet company when he's feeling overwhelmed or alone.
It's just so damned hard, and I'm trying to understand. I'm trying to be there for you, and you're not accepting my offers. You're not even answering the goddamned phone.
I don't want to be abandoned again.
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Gargh! (Rant)
Attention anyone that owns a Razr cell phone. (excepting Sara, because I adore her.)
We get it, it's trendy. Trendy, trendy, trendy. Except for the fact that EVERYBODY has one. EVERY-BODY. And their goddamned dog.
Also, The same goes for Bluetooth headsets. You guys look like retards talking to yourselves. This is directed at the fuckheads in the bank/mall/store/shower shrieking into your headsets, because you dont think the people on the other end of the phone can hear you. You're really damned rude, you know that?
I visualize blowing your heads off with shotguns.
You do not look cool. You should realize that the moment you drop The Razr on a hard surface, it will shatter into a MILLION pieces. You should realize that once you put that swanky leather case on the phone, that you will never EVER get it off, and I will laugh at you. Laugh, I say.
Also, just because the Uberwhore Paris Hilton has a pink razr, That doesn't mean that you ladies out there have to emulate her. Please, refrain from copying Paris Hilton, unless you want to walk around like a poster child for STD's. Short flippy skirts, peroxide hair with dark roots, travelling in packs in the "Oh my god, like, we're in the mall!", This is not attractive.
Try to be original.
We get it, it's trendy. Trendy, trendy, trendy. Except for the fact that EVERYBODY has one. EVERY-BODY. And their goddamned dog.
Also, The same goes for Bluetooth headsets. You guys look like retards talking to yourselves. This is directed at the fuckheads in the bank/mall/store/shower shrieking into your headsets, because you dont think the people on the other end of the phone can hear you. You're really damned rude, you know that?
I visualize blowing your heads off with shotguns.
You do not look cool. You should realize that the moment you drop The Razr on a hard surface, it will shatter into a MILLION pieces. You should realize that once you put that swanky leather case on the phone, that you will never EVER get it off, and I will laugh at you. Laugh, I say.
Also, just because the Uberwhore Paris Hilton has a pink razr, That doesn't mean that you ladies out there have to emulate her. Please, refrain from copying Paris Hilton, unless you want to walk around like a poster child for STD's. Short flippy skirts, peroxide hair with dark roots, travelling in packs in the "Oh my god, like, we're in the mall!", This is not attractive.
Try to be original.
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