Hey.
It's nearing the end of 2005. (Genius, ain't I?)
That means there's things I have to get off my chest and clear the air, in order to settle some woes, some grief, and giggle over some of the stupid/amusing shit that's happened to me this year. These are things I've learned, and things that have made a difference to me.
There's that cheesy cliche, that says you learn something new every day. You certainly do, or at least *I* have in the past 365 days.
Without pandering, cosseting emotions/feelings, or worrying about stepping on toes, or anything of the sort, and without further ado, here is my list of:
What I have learned over the duration of 2005
• That no matter how much you want a relationship to succeed, no matter how close or how far you are physically/emotionally/mentally to that other person, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Also, that vilifying and insulting the person that hurt you online probably isn't the most mature thing to do even though it might have been satisfying at the time.
I'm sorry, Devin.
For what I said/wrote, I owe you an apology, if nothing else. Even though I have apologized as directly as possible considering the distance between us, I was honest, I shouldn't have smeared my personal shit (and your personal shit) in a public forum for my own vindication. I hope your happy with Amanda.
I had to leave this with a clean break, I guess.
• That no matter how much you WANT to succeed at a chosen profession, sometimes, that's just not the way things are going to work out, and it really really hurts when you let it sink in. Really hurts.
• That even after a year of having your nipples pierced, winter is still awfully nipply, and that Grandma can't see your tongue piercing, because she is too short. *smirks*
• That classmates soon become family, and that they miss you when you leave. Thanks guys. I miss you too. Watching you guys graduate and being a bystander was difficult, but I'm still really proud of each and every one of you.
• That Aretha Franklin is still the balm to my soul when I'm hurting inside. Toss some Seal, Sarah McLachlan, Michael Buble, Renee Olstead, Sufjan Stevens, Josh Groban, Jamiroquai, and Al Green on there, and we're back to a seblance of normalcy again.
When did I turn into a 45 year old woman listening to “QMFM: Vancouver’s Adult Contemporary Favourites”? Man alive.
• That sometimes even when your friends are in far off places; they are still right there for you when you need them. Erik, Mitch, Jerilyn, Dean, Mike G., Scott, Seanly, heaps of others. I'm outrageously lucky to know so many wonderful people. My IM lists and Email address books are loaded with amazing human beings, and even though I know most of them only through electronic means, they are still every much as real as a person standing in front of me.
• That a bath in a 2 person soaker tub is a daunting task. You can get lost in one when alone. This problem needs to be remedied. *ahem* That being said, having the lights out with 4 lit candles and a laptop playing ambient music on the countertop while soaking? Sounds like a darned good idea. I'll be back in an hour.
• That blogging for 24 hours straight, while for a noble/charitable purpose, is damned hard. Anyone that says it isn't should try it themselves. They'll change their tune rather quickly.
I couldn't have made it without the help of my Ontario and Texas cronies. Devin Pike in the morning for waking me up with style, Mike Guerrero, Mitch, and Erik for the middle hours, Ian late, and Jerilyn Freeman for cheering me on those last very difficult, wee hours of the morning. All of this on the last week of term two... I must have been insane. I still raised a lot of moolah for the Canadian Cancer Society, and I am sorry about the delay in sending out the prizes. Things have been hell lately.
Jeri, You truly are a sister of my heart. I think we talk enough that you realize what I mean by that. Devin, I really did love you. (and still do in my own way.) More than I let on. Blogging for 24 hours straight with you "by my side" was an experience I'll never forget. Mike, you are a total gem, you saved my bacon when I would have sold my soul for a chocolate bar and a Coca Cola, and the only guy to ever call me "Toots" which tickles me pink. Thanks guys.
• That I cannot take the world upon my shoulders, and asking for help, while embarrassing and taking my pride down several notches, is sometimes necessary.
• That it rains more in Dallas in May, than it does in Vancouver in May. What's up with that? Either that or I took the rain down there with me.
• That from what I've found, Erik is still by far the best person in the world to eat cheap pizza make fun of the muscle-headed jocks pandering to the meat market as they holler outside the Bourbon, whist we canoodled on Friday nights watching South Park, the Simpsons and the Daily Show. Mmm. You're also the best kisser in the universe. Evar. Bar none. Sorry guys, not trying to crush any egos here. (and sorry Mr! Erik, not trying to be a loose-lipped Lucy, either, but honestly... Mmmm.) Some nights, those memories alone keep me company, and they are very valued. Saying goodbye to you for a while... Well, that was one of the hardest things I've done in a long, long time.
• That Four AM work sessions doing photo manipulation inspire interesting results; and I like working until four AM much more than getting up to go to work at four AM. That's just medieval, people. Don't we have robot slaves to do work like that now? Jeez. Get with the times.
• That at times, I'm more impulsive, naive and erratic than when I was 16. That scares the holy bejesus out of me.
• That once you go black, you can go back... (though, I'll admit, black is pleasant...) But once you go FAT, you never go back.
• That I love too many people, in all the wrong ways. Interpret that how you like.
• That "I once shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die." is the best Johnny Cash quote evar, and thanks to Lloyd, it always makes me giggle. Also, that Johnny Cash was a damned good entertainer.
• That you can want a kitten so bad you play with them in your dreams. Seriously.
• That I've developed a deep, true appreciation for culture, but still only seem to get mine from a container of strawberry yogurt.
• That a trip through the Vancouver Art Gallery is a very enjoyable first date.
• That I've had the pleasure of chatting with instructors that have very enjoyable senses of humour. (Especially when they are tipsy, late at night on MSN.)
• That writing is a joy in my life, and I'm working on a novel at the moment so that I can share my joy.
• That there is nothing wrong with my body except for the way I look at it, and I don't give a fuck about anyone else that thinks otherwise.
• That I'm tired, lonely, lost and confused; that my head is cluttered, and I feel like I'm thinking through a heavy fog or cotton batting some days. Other than that, I'm doing swell, thanks.
• That I've never been as disappointed in myself the way that I have this year, and my parents still love and forgive me, even though I fucked up so badly that I don't even love and forgive myself, and I don't know if I can.
• That nothing beats a good squeaky cell phone Buddha when you need to perk up, or throw something at someone's head. (Is that blasphemous? throwing Buddha at someone, or am I helping them find the path of enlightenment by seeing things my way? Hrm. Dilemma.)
• That I'm aware this is much too serious, but hey, this was a crappy year for me, okay? Probably the worst on record.
• That I worry so much that it's brutal on my health, both mentally and physically.
• That it's okay to visualize a Sopranos style death threats and terrorism upon a debtor, but should remain only in your head. I wouldn't last very long in prison.
• That no matter how many people in your life pass away, you'll still remember them. Rest in peace, Noga, Grandpa. You'll both be missed, and I’ll never forget you.
• That I can look forward to attending my ten year High School reunion, heaps of money in debt, potentially working as a Radio Shack product pimp. Hooray. Excuse me while I go feed some pirahnas with my head or have my still beating heart ripped fresh from my chest ala Indiana Jones and the Temple Of Doom.
Actually no. It's a good company, and I'm glad I work for them. It's just a bit of a blow to my ego to make minimum wage.
• That I can watch Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion every month and never get tired of it, even though it's a ridiculously stupid movie, and laugh every time.
• That the quote "I invented Post-It's" from the aforementioned Romy and Michel flick, and the song "One Headlight" will forever ingrained in my memory, and be associated with Crystal D. and our jaunts around town in her z2x. You the best, girl.
• That Mariah Carey is not the best music to listen to while feeling particularly bleak. Lord that woman whines. And yes, I do think her new album is rather good. For a Mariah Carey album.
• That I've had the privilege of knowing the sexiest men imaginable in my life, over the past year (and the two prior to it). Ones that are polite, intelligent, sensitive, considerate, caring, attentive, quick witted, dark haired, and dark eyed. Men that make me laugh, and turn me on in the same sentence. My Neurotic Monkey; Dean, and The Wiggler!?! Mr! Erik. Thanks Gentlemen. I'm a lucky girl. Now, you both have to live here, and you all have to be cool with sharing, damnit. Not only are you guys good friends, but fantastically sexy beasts each in your own right.
• That I have a fantastic readership of a few devoted people (at least the ones that comment here, at any rate.) that enjoy reading about the trivial stuff in my life including my tantrums and low spots. It's nice to write, but it's even nicer to know that the people that come back to GSD frequently enjoy reading it. You guys see me go through some pretty random crap, eh? Thanks for coming back again and again. Also, a big thank you to the people that link me, for no other reason than being myself and writing about my trivial life. Thank you. Let me know via email or as a comment here with a link to your page, and I'll link you back.
• That the Glamazon Shoe Diaries is the top blog in Vancouver, according to blog Hot or Not. That's pretty rad. Thanks to everyone that voted.
• That I quote random pop culture nonsense when I’m tired, without realizing it in conversation.
• That laugh lines are the sexiest wrinkles.
• That finding your first gray hair is exceedingly traumatizing. Especially when you are in public and your best friend finds it for you, sprouting ungainly and proud out of the middle of your scalp. Then, having her pull it out for you as you flap your hands around in horror squawking at her to "Rip the damned thing out! " It's not the way some would age gracefully.
• That if you then proceed to dye the holy hell out of your hair, hoping that colouring the rest of it will nullify the aging process, here's a hint: It won't.
• That I love using a semi-colon when writing, but am unsure as of WHEN to use it in proper sentence structure. Semi-colons; they look so swanky!
• That I have to accept that everybody doesn't remember everything about me, like I try to about them.
• That I need to practice my guitar more, just so that I can say " I can play guitar! ", instead of "I can play guitar... Badly."
• That it takes about nine hours to do a complete podcast, from initial gathering and choosing of music, to arrangement, to final mixdown. You guys get to hear a lot of hard work when I put one of those out, hence why I only do one every two months now, when I have time. I'm going to try to learn how to do enhanced podcasts and make them heaps smaller in file size within the next few months.
• That I could have gotten away with it, if it weren't for you meddling kids. *shakes fist*
At any rate, those are a few things that I can think of, off the top of my head, for the things I learned in 2005. I hope your year was a lot less tumultuous than mine... since my entire 2005 has seemed to hold such promise, and then turn into one giant cock-up.
I hope your next one is even better. Mine too, for that matter.
Much love.
Linds.
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