Holy Christ On A Cracker.

I have watched "Star Wars: Episode III, Return of the Sith", seventeen times, in bits and pieces, since I've started working at my job.That's pretty impressive, considering I've never seen the entire series of the first three (or would that be, *last* three?) movies, or Episode I or II.

I am starting a NEW job, relatively soon, leaving this one, and am somewhat excited. I'm also a little nauseous at the prospect of leaving a steady job for relative self-employment.

I've worked 8 days in a row at my current job, bouncing back and forth between two stores and I'm tired. Very tired. My back hurts. My feet hurt. I need sleep. I need a job I dig. Hence me starting something new, because I am striving for my own personal happiness, and a bigger paycheque.

Heaven help me if I fail. Honestly, I don't think I can take it anymore.

I've been stood up twice by the same person, in the same week, after giving him a second chance, and don't really care to give him a third time to strike, since the last time left me going home from the Downtown Vancouver core at midnight, after visiting a client for some work, and arriving at my home at close to one thirty in the morning. Not to mention the drama that was tagged along with that, that kept me up until closer to three in the morning, for treading on toes.

*Sigh* I got accused of "always putting men first', and breaking the unspeakable rule, which is "You don't date your friend's ex boyfriend(s)."

Granted, I'd be a little pissed if a friend of mine dated Mr! Erik, who was probably the Ex that I fell the hardest for during our relationship, and still harbour some deep feelings for... But if my friend was happy with him, and he was happy with my friend, I'd get over it, and I'd be happy for them... Eventually.

To start, I'd also give them a fair chance together. I wouldn't wanna see them play tonsil hockey in front of me either, but that's just a matter of courtesy. Even I leave the room when my libido is that high. Of course, I can't stand seeing people sucking face for an extended period of time in public anyways. Perhaps that's because I'm a shrew.

Can I give my opinion on the "Unspeakable rule"? I'm sure this is going to send me even further down into the doghouse, but honestly, I'm tired of caring anymore.

I think the "Unspeakable rule" should be the "Non-Existant Rule".

I think the unspeakable rule, translates into this: "I couldn't find happiness with this person, for one reason or another and because I'm associated with you, I don't want you to find happiness with this person either, because I couldn't. I don't care how long it's been since I've been with them, I have staked my claim on them like a dog pissing on territory, and don't tread on it. "

Newsflash. People are not territory. They are people. They have feelings just like you do. No one controls their life and who they could potentially date, but them.

Is it a crime to want to talk to someone? Is it unforgivable to go out for a movie, or hang out? I don't want a "relationship". I don't even really want sex. I don't know what I want. I think I just want someone to chill out with. Companionship *IS* something that I crave, and something I think every human being deserves.

I just want some peace right now, and I'm tired of alienating everybody while I try to find my happiness. I'm also tired of apologizing for alienating them, or for trying to find my happiness. I'm tired of my life being controlled by other people, and I'm taking steps to ensure that I am the only one that has final say in my actions. That also means I'm willing to accept the consequences of said actions, and if it means losing people in my life, unfortunately, I guess that's that.

But I lost a friend, for nothing, really, since he's repeatedly stood me up, and that kinda blows.

Live and learn, I guess.

Bah. I hate this.

Overheard.

(A distinguished elderly (65+) gentleman walks into my store.)

Linds: Hello! How are you today?

EG: Hello, I'm well, thank you. Do you have rechargable batteries?

Linds: Yes, they're right over there. (points at wall behind her.)

EG: Oh, Thank You!

Linds: (trying to determine what to recommend, and if it's for a digital camera.) What do you need the batteries for?

EG: (matter of factly) Oh. A vibrator.

Me: (momentarily stunned silence. Mouth slightly agape. Blink a few times.) Oh... Yeah! The Nickle Cadmium or Lithium Ion's are the best for that.

EG: Thank-you!

(Distinguished but kinky elderly man purchases C batteries)

I Had

The potential of a hot date.

Then plans changed for tonight, and it seemed to fritter away. Well, fuck.

Anyways... Mmm. Fritters.

Wanna Waste Some Time?

And are you able to download some stuff where your at?

Check out "Google Earth".

Very, very cool.

I have...

An "information session" for a potential new job tomorrow morning.

Wish me luck.

If all goes well, I could become a member of the Financial Services industry. I sure hope that means a raise.

4 things.

Borrowed from Miss Melissa, at My Stars In The Sky.

4 Things Four jobs you have had in your life:

~Apprentice Baker
~Graphic Designer
~Political News Column Writer
~Editor for a Professional Writer

Four places you've lived:

~Surrey, BC
~New York City, NY
~Burnaby, BC
~I haven't lived anywhere else. :(

Four TV shows you love to watch: (I watch TV?)

~Simpsons
~South Park
~The Daily Show
~Xena (Sad, eh?)

Four places you've been on vacation:

~Honolulu
~100 Mile House, BC
~Chicago
~Dallas, Fort Worth, TX

Four websites you visit daily:

~My Haloscan comments page
~My Email
~Blogs that I link to.

Four of your favorite foods:

~Roast beef and Havarti Sandwich
~Butter Chicken Curry
~Chocolate
~Rice Pilaf

Four places you'd rather be right now:

~In Bed
~In Dallas F.W., Partying with Jeri and Sara
~Shopping
~Did I mention in bed? With a hot guy, though.

The Talking Pedometer...

Is possessed.

Somewhere, along the way, the poltergiest that seems to cling on to me like a desperate ex-boyfriend that I've dumped years ago; and despite it being years after my adolescence, (Poltergiests usually only linger around adolescents... Bet you didn't know that.) has decided to inhabit the talking pedometer on the shelf at my work.

Every few days or so, the tinny, lurching female voice announcing how many steps this stationary pedometer has taken, and echoes through the store I work at. It stops immediately when I walk around the corner to shut it off. Creepy, no?

Tres creepy.

It dawned on me that this week, has been one of the best in my life, and I don't know why.

My heart feels lighter. My soul feels all sparkly. The amount of cheese in that statement make me wanna barf.

I'm happier than I've been in almost a year. Why though? My finances are still fucked, and I'm still rather clueless as to how to fix that situation... I'm single (Though, admittedly, I'm appreciating that fact enormously...) and I make minimum wage, doing a job that I'm good at, but that I have no real passion for, in a store that apparently has the possessed talking pedometer.

My New Years Resolution, was to forget about Devin, and to not be so "viciously hard on myself", as everyone seems to claim I am. To forget about how much I hurt, and for how long it hurt me to split with him... Even though it was really *mostly* my decision. I thought about that long and hard, and though I'd thought it was a good decision...

I just decided to move on. Big deal. Time to grow up. Suck it up, princess. Build a motherfuckin bridge and get over it. Don't beat yourself up. Learn to relax... That might be why. As a matter of fact, I think That IS the reason why. To quit lingering on to the past, and the things I can't change, and to not freak out when everything doesn't go the way I've planned. It's a hard thing for a Taurus to learn...

Talk about ruining my life, an the possibilities of being myself, and being free, if not financially , than spiritually, so to speak. It was my own damned fault. It was my own damned fault, and I learned from it, and I don't give a fuck enough to blame myself for it.

I've become a bit of a hermit, for the past few months, but I think I needed it. I think I needed it a lot.

You know why? Because I learned to miss people.

You know who I miss? It's the people that actually "love" me. for who I am, and for all my faults, and all my skills, like nunchucks, and computer hacking and the ability to crack a comment that would send me straight to hell, if I gave a fuck about that stuff.

It's Erik, it's Melissa, and Crystal, and Jeri, Mitch, Scott, Dean, it's Mike G, and all the rest of my DFW cronies. It's TJP and Blondie and my nephew, Kirk. You name it. I miss you guys, but when I'm back in the proverbial saddle again, it's gonna be exactly the same as it was before. It's knowing that you guys might not be here, but you miss me, and care about me anyways.

Thanks.

Music Top Ten

top 10 Artists/Albums in my iTunes playcount totals?

1. Sufjan Stevens "illinoise"
2. k.d. Lang "Drag"
3. Madonna "Confessions on A Dancefloor"
4. Enigma "Love Sensuality and Devotion: The remix collection"
5. Jamiroquai "A Funk Odyssey"
6. Fiona Apple "Extraordinary Machine"
7. Boards Of Canada "The Campfire Headphase"
8. Arrested Development "Among The Trees"
9. Beastie Boys "To The Five Boroughs"
10. De La Soul "De La Mix Tape: Remixes, Rarities and Classics"

top 10 best album purchases this year (2005)?

1. Fiona Apple "Extraordinary Machine"
2. Beastie Boys "To The Five Boroughs"
3. Madonna "Confessions on a Dancefloor"
4. Dead Prez "Let's get Free"
5. Foo Fighters, "In Your Honor"
6. Gipsy Kings "Greatest Hits"
7. Green Day's "American Idiot"
8. Jazzanova "Jazzanova Remixed"
9.Jamiroquai "Travelling Without Moving"
10. Scissor Sisters "Scissor Sisters"

Albums I wish I'd never purchased/recieved in 2005:

1. Billy Idol "Devil's Playground"

I've had my beef with Mr. Idol's newest album, I said my piece, and incurred wrath. Mainly from a lovely "bash Linds about everything from her sexuality, her writing abllity, her appearance, and the fact that she didn't study journalism so she's not entitled to have an opinion on any type of music, much less have a sense of humour while reviewing something" thread on the Billy Idol fan club online message forum for my thoughts on said album. On an album? Puhleese.

Yes, yes. Kudo's to the Idol man for making a new album. I can dig that. I can respect that, that takes balls. But... I didn't really dig the album. Okay I hated it... It does make a lovely coaster, however.

I joke. I would never do that to music. I gave it to my landlord, who actually likes it, on the condition that he would only play it in his car, and not in the house.

2. Lisa Marie Presley "Now What?"

Admittedly, it was given to me by a coworker that said I would "just love it!". No. No I don't. Sorry Scotty. Lisa's riding on Daddy's coattails, methinks. She's not awful, but she's not GOOD, either. The world doesn't need more mediocre musicians in the professional field.

3.) Ray Charles "Genius Loves Company."

Wait! Wait, waitwaitwait. don't eviscerate me. I dig the Ray. What I dig about him is his simplicity and the pure joy in his voice. What I don't dig is another artist coming in, and fucking with that groove. Some of the tracks are good, but I preferred the movie soundtrack, which is all original Ray Charles tracks that have been tweaked and Digitally remastered.

While this is multiple grammy winning album... Like I said, I prefer the solo Charles.

4. Sheryl Crow "Wildflower"

The cover art on this album, is fantastic. From a designers perspective, I'm in heaven.

From a music fan's perspective, Not so much. Tame. Tame Sheryl Crow. I saw this woman sing live once at Another Roadside Attraction, (a multi-band concert that travels Canada Wide) and she rocked harder in 1997 than she does now, that's for sure.

Sheryl's got Madge-itis. Madge-itis, you ask? Madge-itis, is what happened to Madonna when she popped out her kiddos and then released American Life. It's what happened when she covered "American Pie" and butchered it. It sucked. Something sucked the life out of Sheryl Crow, and I damned well hope her next album isn't so whipped. If Madonna can redeem herself after American Life, then I hope Sheryl can within the next year and a half.

5. Mariah Carey "The Emancipation of Mimi"

Okay. I do like this album. I'll admit, I liked "Butterfly", too. The only problem I have with "Emancipation", is that it's not the best music to listen to when you're down in the dumps, which for me, has been a lot lately; Because man alive, can Miss Mariah whine.

6. Sigur Ros - "Takk"

Dean introduced me to Sigur Ros, and I honestly liked it. My teacher gave me a copy of Takk on the sly, and all I have to say for this album is one word.

Overrated.

7. Kelly Clarkson -- "Breakaway"

I was never a fan of American Idol, finding it flaky and a cheap way to achieve fame. I swore I'd never own an album released by a winner of the show, and then Kelly Clarkson turned out to be horrifically talented.

So, if that's the case... Why do I wish I'd never recieved this album? Because I promised myself that I'd never be all angsty and whiny and listen to girly music like this when I was pissed of at a male after the age of 20, again, and I caved. I caved big time. I was Kelly Clarksoning it, and Enrique Iglesiasing it, and Joss Stoning and "I will survive"-ing all over the place.

Yeah. I broke a bunch of promises. I like Kelly Clarkson. Ha! Take that.

I had more to write, but it's been a while. Cheers.

Why I Never!

Have had so much stuff leaking out of my nose.

Probably more than you wanted to know right?

I'm on the lookout for a new nose, with virus protection. My old one's infected.

I'm sneezy, dopey and in need of Doc. Or is that dick? Hm. Dilemma. (Admittedly, I stole that from myself, and an email I had sent to Erik earlier this week.)

I hate the kids that come into my work, and buy nothing, and just fuck around on the computer. That's my job, not yours. I feel like a shrew, kicking them out but they are just screwing around, killing time, and asking me retarded questions.

Due to...

some fortunate serendipity, and the fact that a friend of my landlord is moving to sechelt, and therefore transfering her net to my house, I'll be partially available within the next week. I hope.

Of course, knowing me, things will become one giant cock-up, and I'll end up having to supply my ISP somehow.

I thought I was a nerd, but you know what, you don't know how nerdy you are until you miss the internet like it was some sort of drug. It's worse than heroin and smoking together. I've become addicted to communication.