I have watched "Star Wars: Episode III, Return of the Sith", seventeen times, in bits and pieces, since I've started working at my job.That's pretty impressive, considering I've never seen the entire series of the first three (or would that be, *last* three?) movies, or Episode I or II.
I am starting a NEW job, relatively soon, leaving this one, and am somewhat excited. I'm also a little nauseous at the prospect of leaving a steady job for relative self-employment.
I've worked 8 days in a row at my current job, bouncing back and forth between two stores and I'm tired. Very tired. My back hurts. My feet hurt. I need sleep. I need a job I dig. Hence me starting something new, because I am striving for my own personal happiness, and a bigger paycheque.
Heaven help me if I fail. Honestly, I don't think I can take it anymore.
I've been stood up twice by the same person, in the same week, after giving him a second chance, and don't really care to give him a third time to strike, since the last time left me going home from the Downtown Vancouver core at midnight, after visiting a client for some work, and arriving at my home at close to one thirty in the morning. Not to mention the drama that was tagged along with that, that kept me up until closer to three in the morning, for treading on toes.
*Sigh* I got accused of "always putting men first', and breaking the unspeakable rule, which is "You don't date your friend's ex boyfriend(s)."
Granted, I'd be a little pissed if a friend of mine dated Mr! Erik, who was probably the Ex that I fell the hardest for during our relationship, and still harbour some deep feelings for... But if my friend was happy with him, and he was happy with my friend, I'd get over it, and I'd be happy for them... Eventually.
To start, I'd also give them a fair chance together. I wouldn't wanna see them play tonsil hockey in front of me either, but that's just a matter of courtesy. Even I leave the room when my libido is that high. Of course, I can't stand seeing people sucking face for an extended period of time in public anyways. Perhaps that's because I'm a shrew.
Can I give my opinion on the "Unspeakable rule"? I'm sure this is going to send me even further down into the doghouse, but honestly, I'm tired of caring anymore.
I think the "Unspeakable rule" should be the "Non-Existant Rule".
I think the unspeakable rule, translates into this: "I couldn't find happiness with this person, for one reason or another and because I'm associated with you, I don't want you to find happiness with this person either, because I couldn't. I don't care how long it's been since I've been with them, I have staked my claim on them like a dog pissing on territory, and don't tread on it. "
Newsflash. People are not territory. They are people. They have feelings just like you do. No one controls their life and who they could potentially date, but them.
Is it a crime to want to talk to someone? Is it unforgivable to go out for a movie, or hang out? I don't want a "relationship". I don't even really want sex. I don't know what I want. I think I just want someone to chill out with. Companionship *IS* something that I crave, and something I think every human being deserves.
I just want some peace right now, and I'm tired of alienating everybody while I try to find my happiness. I'm also tired of apologizing for alienating them, or for trying to find my happiness. I'm tired of my life being controlled by other people, and I'm taking steps to ensure that I am the only one that has final say in my actions. That also means I'm willing to accept the consequences of said actions, and if it means losing people in my life, unfortunately, I guess that's that.
But I lost a friend, for nothing, really, since he's repeatedly stood me up, and that kinda blows.
Live and learn, I guess.
Bah. I hate this.
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