Apparently...

Shaw Cable doesn't seem to know what "cut off my service" means. Whatever. We still have Internet and Cable. Which does alleviate that "Aw Dude! We're gonna be reading a lot more books." (not a bad thing, by any means.) deal that Liz and I had bargained with ourselves.

My soul feels blackened, bruised, broken and aged beyond it's years in places. However it's not the first time. And it's not as bad as it's been before from other people. I'm sick of looking for love. Therefore, I'm not going to anymore. I give up, and it's time to focus on something other than my heart.

My body feels worn down from the past two weeks. C'est la Vie. I slept for 18 hours. From 3:30 PM yesterday afternoon, to 9 AM this morning. I guess I needed the sleep. My dreams were unmentionable as far as I can recall. (except for the one where I lost one of my canine teeth, that broke in half and then I just had the other half pulled out. But I was drunk when I had that one, so I don't think my dreams are that predictive when I'm hammered.)

The dreams I was having a few days ago were mostly in regards to saying "Good-bye" in one form or another to Devin. They were painful, but more sad than anything else. I'll miss him. I still love him very much. Perhaps that's changed in the "way" I love him, but probably not. I hope he has a good, fulfilling life, either alone (which I very highly doubt, knowing his fantastic character...) or with someone that can complete him, because quite honestly he deserves it, (both the love, and the fulfilling life) more than he can ever guess. Perhaps someday we can meet as friends. He's still an amazing person to me. As angry as I've gotten at him in the past,(which to be honest, isn't that terribly often, and I never have held it against him, if I could.) I've always forgiven him, and probably always will. Knowing that every person makes mistakes, that every person finds out what their own feet taste like every once in a while, and that every person can shine in a situation when given the opportunity and the faith (or even just a glimmer of it) from the people around them, and the people that love them. That includes the ones that aren't right there, or even in the same country.

I make so many of my own mistakes, who am I to judge? Everything is a learning process.

You still rock the known planet for me, Dev. You're still one of the people I think of everyday. I'll have a drink at the bar on you're behalf sometime soon. And maybe a raucous evening out on the town with you sometime in the future. (After all, I did win a whole buck on the lotto today at the Shoppers Drug Mart. Too bad I spent three on the ticket.) I'll still call you this Christmas to wish you a good one, just like last year. (If you answer your phone) And you might get your present in the mail anyways. If you ever send me that monkeypaw.

The song that reminds me the most of you, at this moment in time, that seems most poingnant, is "Days Go By (acoustic version)" By Dirty Vegas, and "Everybody Hurts" by R.E.M. (who are fantastic live by the way.)

My interview with that program coordinator for Langara is on Monday. I've made up my mind as to the two websites I'm going to use for my URL's to show him. Now I just hope I'm what they're looking for. After that I have to hope that a student loan goes through without too much trouble.

Yeesh.

Totally unrelated issue:

I've come to the conclusion that watching "The Newlyweds" with Jessica Simpson and Nick Lechey is bad for my mental health. *smirks* Jessica Simpson is so stupid she makes my head hurt, (I swear to gad, she's an idiot.) and Nick Lechey is such a dick sometimes that what he says makes me want to smack him. (Although I can understand that, living with Jessica would make me quite an ass too.)