This oughta be fun. Here goes.
1.) Money.
Well. Owing it at least. Having it is fine with me. Donations can be sent to...
2.) Stupid people.
Jessica Simpson for example. She just pushes me past my "dumb fuck" quotient for the day. The memory stricken old ladies that shop at my work SWEARING that we make this jam filled bun thingy, that we've NEVER MADE, every single week.
"Listen lady, WE DON'T MAKE THAT. We never have!"
3.) Skinny people that tell me "I'm fat."
Oh just fuck off. You're 115 pounds soaking wet. Next to me, you look like a goddamned toothpick. Get some body fat.
Everyone is entitled to have "fat days."
Just don't mention it to me. Most days feel like "fat days" to me.
4.) My assistant manager saying he's my "friend" and then being a hypocrite about me drinking WATER in the shop when everyone else is allowed to drink soda, or coffee, or water.
Bitch, please.
5.) Men that lead me on, and promise a relationship, etc... Just to get into my panties, and then fuck off when they wake up the next morning.
Honestly, if you just wanna fuck, tell me you just wanna fuck. I'm sexually open to things, and quite frankly I make a piss poor girlfriend most of the time anyways. (Liz grumbled quite a bit over this statement.) You might not get into my panties, but at least you were honest. (Which scores you brownie points, and a potential, "Maybe next time, honey.")
This is why I fuck my ex-boyfriends. At least that way I know THEY are a good fuck, they already know that I'm a good fuck, but a huge hassle in the long run. I've actually said "no" to men that ask me for my phone number when all is said and done. No one said I was nice. They just assume that I am.
I don't chase them either. If they don't call when they say they will, I don't chase them down for attention. I can find it elsewhere.
6.)"Fred Flintstone" style Lies.
You know the ones I'm talking about. When Fred could just tell Wilma he forgot their anniversary, instead of lying, and subsequently getting tangled up in said lie, making it bigger and BIGGER.
Just tell the truth.
I actually YELL at Fred when I watch T.V. and he starts lying in the cartoon. You fucking moron. All he does is remind me of My first boyfriend. You've corrupted several generations of men into doing stupid things. Thank you SO MUCH Hannah-Barbara.
7.) Really repetitive music.
Like "Rockafeller Skank" by Fatboy Slim. Don't get me wrong, I love Fatboy Slim. I just hate that song. That one, and "Hero" by Chad Kroeger. (But only because my first boyfriend played it ad nauseum.)
8.) People that message me over and over again, when I tell them I have to go.
I know I'm fun to talk to. But I have a life other than on here. I realize that I can be as annoying as everyone else, but when someone tells me "I gotta go..." or "I'm busy working" Okay yeah, you gotta go, or you're busy working. Ciao for now buddy, talk to you later. This also goes for people that substitute three letters for nine, in chat, (like H R U for How are you? Or the ones that relentlessly ask for your ASL? or WHY? when you won't let them view your cam.) I don't need an excuse. Deal with it. That's the beauty of controlling who can view your cam, or chat with you in chat programmes in the first place.
9.) People that talk to me like I'm stupid.
Yes, I cover my ass occasionally by acting like a ditz. I don't like it all that much, but sometimes you just have to.
Other than that, don't talk to me like I'm an idiot, or I'm smacking your stupid, patronizing face in. (OooOoooh, I'm nasty today!)
I have a co-worker named "G. I AM NOT AN OBJECT." Yes, that IS her legal name. When I asked her how she came up with it, I get an ephemeral answer of "Oh, I discovered it through transcendental meditation..." Uhm... Yeeeeah, right. After that I stopped attempting any semblance of conversation, and zoned out on icing my cupcakes, finding my interaction with them more stimulating. I mean, it's not even releated to feminism for Christ's sake.
She talks to me like I'm a toy poodle. It's all I can do to grimace a semblance of a smile when she walks into the shop. Listen, Freako, talk to me like a human. Even if you are retarded enough to change your name to that for the sake of "art" I'm not going humour you when you start talking to me like I'm a dog. Your original name that your parents gave you is beautiful. It's scads better than mine. Learn to love it, you gargantuan, spider-limbed, tree hugging hippie.
Jesus. I can't even tell you JOKES without worrying that you're gonna be running to the office to get me written up for "harassment." I tell you the ones I tell my five year old nephew. And even he only giggles a little bit.
10.) Teenagers.
I HATE teenagers. I hated teenagers when I WAS a teenager. They think they know everything, their problems are petty, a zit *GASP! HORROR! SHOCK!* is the END of the known universe! They look at you like you're stupid when you suggest something to them. They always have a problem with the "rents." Well honey, sorry to say but unless that's the amount of money you pay to your landlord every month, or the musical, you're using the wrong goddamned word. Life is a lesson. Please learn faster, thank you very much. And what's with the sounds they make "Psssht! Psssht! Whatev! (holding fingers up in a W shape) "Damn! Fo shizzle mo nizzle, nigga!" And what is using the word LIKE every second word... "Like Oh my god! And then he totally said like blah blah blah, Like blah blah like blah blah blah."
GARG!!!!!
Yeah. Puhleeze.
MmmMmmm that was a good rant. *Lights up a smoke*
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