“Oh Yeah? ‘Cause That Would Be...”

I blearily punch in the 12 digits I’ve uselessly memorized that is my account number into my phone to check my bank balance. I say useless, because there’s usually not much of a balance in my account. Commonly, I ignore the woman talking and blaze through the rest until I find out my balance. Today, I was slower on the uptake.

“Thank you, your account number has been accepted. Please enter your three-digit super secret P.I.N. number to access your account information.”

*pause, look incredulously at phone, shake head, finish entering information, and hang up.*

Uhhh, Yeah. “Super” secret? What? Aren’t all P.I.N. codes supposed to be confidential, making them “super secret”, thus making saying “super secret” not only sound retarded, but something you would say in grade six, or in a spy movie spoof? And isn’t saying the word “number” after the initials P.I.N., completely redundant? That’s like saying, “enter your Personal Information Number number. ‘N’ already means number. Thanks for showing up, though. Don’t they have copywriters for the automated system recordings?

Do you write your P.I.N. code on the back of your Interac card? (Yes, people do this. I see it all the time at work.) Well, you know what, brainiac? You’re really fucking stupid, necessitating one of the reasons for the addition of the word “Super”, to enforce how fucking secret a P.I.N. code is. And how are you supposed to get the code, when it’s in the A.T.M? This makes you, an ultramaroon.

I mean, what kind of bank am I using? Has Shaggy retired from the Mystery Machine crew now, and has become the manager of a Canadian bank? Is he hoarding all his Super Duper sandwiches with salami, pickles, mayonnaise, onion and peanut butter in the vaults? Is Scooby Doo the Vault Manager?

Shaggy: “Zoinks, Scoob! They’ve, like, entered their super secret P.I.N. number for their account!” *Gulps*

Scooby Doo: “Roooh, Nooooo! Our rericious raaaaandwiches!” .... *Scooby giggle* “Randwicheeeees...”

Is it the influence of the hundreds of thousands of Asians that come into the country, every year, building small businesses like “Super Happy Hair Salon” and “Fun Time Grocery”?

Maybe it’s because I can hear Jay making fun of people going “Suuuuuuper!” in my head, and it makes me laugh.

I don’t know. but I swear, before they had revamped this automated system into a stupid voice operated system, It never said “super secret P.I.N. Number.”.

That’s just, well... Super stupid.