We Are What They Want Us To Be... In The End.

Okay. I was doing a little thinking. Dangerous, I know.

It's hard to phrase the right way, But I think in each relationship we are in with whoever we are with, we change to suit them.

Not extreme measures, mind you, or at least not ME changing in extreme measures, or even my boyfriend doing so, but we seem to slightly change to better suit our partners preferences.

Ugh, this is all coming out *wrong*. It sounds like I mean that we turn into Stepford wives/husbands. Let's phrase this another way.

Over the years, I've grown from being rather domineering, prudish, and advantageous individual, into someone who is usually very sweet tempered (most of the time), pretty giggly (but not ditzy), relatively easy-going, devoted and fairly honest. (Hey, little white lies never killed anyone, did they?) I'm also sensitive and pretty empathic to other's needs and desires.
I'm still direct when I've got something to say, I'm still determined and loud and energetic...

With Erik I was little miss intelligentsia. That's not to say that I'm NOT intelligent anymore, it was just a focus on our relationship. Erik is a brilliant man. I had to keep up. I also partied harder with Erik than I did in any other relationship. During that 6 month long stint, I spent more money on alcohol and accoutrement than I have in the last 4 years prior to it combined.

When I was "with" Devin... Ergh... I was (too) empathic, too accepting, and too generous with my emotions and time.

And with Cliff, I'm turning into what could be the perfect little housewife, when I'm not working my 52 hours a week.

Shocking, isn't it?

I cook, clean, and quite willingly contemplate having his babies. I imagine sitting next to him in a rocking chair 40 years down the road. I spend 98 percent of my time off work, with him, (though, oftentimes in completely different rooms, doing different things) I fall asleep at eleven pm, after reading my novel and chatting with him for about an hour prior to sleep. I'm so sweet it could make your teeth rot, (and it's wholeheartedly genuine!) I (mutually) spoil him with affection, I ask him how his day was at the end of the day...

It's all pretty foreign to me. But it's so very cool.

So my questions are these:

1.) "When did I grow up behind my back?"

2.) "When's this whole crazy, fantastic life going to come crashing down around me?"