I heard a song by Tim McGraw on the Radio today. I'm not a huge fan of Country music, but this one struck a chord in me. Its called "Live Like You Were Dyin'." Maybe it's something we all should do. The lyrics can be found here.
I'll have an in depth post coming up about a fabulous mixed Blues and Jazz CD that Luc made up for me soon.
See Ya'll on the flip side.
Saturday, July 31, 2004
Thursday, July 29, 2004
Enneagram Personality Test.
The Enneagram is a personality system which divides the entire human personality into nine behavioral tendencies, these are my results overall, and it's divvied up into individual scores on each tendency below...
Conscious self | Overall self |
 |  |
Conscious:
"Friendly and ambitious 2w3's are outgoing and focus on their connection with others to maintain their happiness."This is very true. I am usually unhappy when the people around me are UNHAPPY. I hate it. It makes me feel like I have to motivate them to be not neccisarily cheerful but at least relaxed.
"They have Robust personalities and enjoy sharing themselves with others."If I didn't enjoy sharing myself with others I wouldn't have this Blog now, would I?
"They can seem theatrical in their displays."True enough. My life seems to be one big drama at times. Maybe It's a comedy. A black comedy perhaps?
Overall Self:
"You don't like being alone."Yes. Correct. I am very, very afraid of being alone. I hate it. Actually. And at the same time, I'm terrified of being with someone and fucking it all up. I seem to have lost the ability to be anything other than promiscuous lately. Maybe because I am searching for that other person that would complete me, maybe because I'm a big trollop. Maybe because I'm 24 years old and even though I want that stable life, I didn't date until I was 18, and am making up for lost time, maybe that's all just lame ass excuses and I really don't know why...
"You want control over most environments you are in."Well, David, my darling "Big Red," you were right. You called me on that particular trait a few weeks ago. I'm a control freak. Although, you did use nicer terminology.
"You have a high level of self control, probably too high."I have a high level of self control? What exactly am I supposed to be controlling? I'll be damned.. this goes along the lines of something that Dave said earlier last week too. To just let it go. *Sighs* I hate it when that bugger is right. He always rubs my nose in it.
"You prefer listening to speaking."Most people I know ask me advice, and frequently come to me with problems. I'm still seeking an outlet for mine, and as far as I know, this blog is it. Other than Crystal, my last true confidante, left me in the dust, without so much as an explanation. So fuck him, and the horse he rode in on.
"You are more guided by your feelings than your thoughts."Well... That's pretty fucking obvious.
THE NINE TENDENCIES
2-53% I must be helpful and caring to get what I want.
4-49% I must be insecure and/or special to get what I want.*WTF?!*
3-42% I must be impressive and attractive to get what I want.
8-42% I must be strong and in control to get what I want.
6-41% I must be secure and safe to get what I want.
9-40% I must be peaceful and easy to get along with to get what I want.
1-40% I must be perfect and good to get what I want.
7-38% I must be energetic and entertaining to get what I want.
5-26% I must be knowledgeable and independent to get what I want.
"Special?" as in "retarded" special? What the fuck does that mean?! Oh, there I go being all "hypersensitive" again. Of COURSE I need to be special to be noticed. I mean, who the hell notices some regular broad walking the streets? No one, that's who. You have to have personality and sass. I'm fat, fer fucks sakes. No one pays attention to me unless I AM interesting. And I would rather be interesting or "special" than have a great rack and no brains. Okay. Maybe just a little less brains for a little bit better of a rack.
| Enneagram Test Results
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 2w1 |
(This test was rated by me on accuracy out of a score of 5, I gave it 5. It's worth the time you put into doing the 130 question test. At least I THINK its freakishly accurate, but then again I was told in another one that I am "narcissistic." So now I'm wandering around the place, wondering if I'm talking about myself too much, I talk less and examine everything I do say with a fucking magnifying glass. And now, I'm afraid to be ALONE? *Whimpers* I think I need therapy from all these damned psychological tests... Gah!)
I also did a Freudian Test, but, unfortunately, it seemed that I was orally fixated. Whatever the fuck that means. It didn't make any sense to me, so I didn't bother posting it.
Pain? No. Not really.
I've been getting tattoos since I was 20 years old or so. Despite the warnings that they are permanent, and the comments, "What about when your 80 years old and your skin is saggy, blah, blah, blah..."
Honestly, by the time I'm 80 years old, I'll be fat, in a Muu-muu, and no one will care if I have tattoos etched permanently on my skin, because they won't SEE them. Either that, Or dead, according to my results on www.deathclock.com.
My choice in Tattoos, being mythical lizard-like creatures, (3 dragons, and a rainbow gecko) are for my own enjoyment. They hold special meaning to me, because of the development of my character over the past few years, and the things I have done while in the process of living life and growing up.
I must confess, I got my first tattoo to piss off my first boyfriend. He was controlling, abusive and "Didn't like tattoos." I chose to stand up for myself and get one anyways. I had wanted one since I was about 12 years old.
As far as I know, I'm the ONLY person in my family with tattoos. Other than my cousin Andrew, who, when he saw me get my first shoulder blade inked up, was inspired to then get his done after seeing the process. I chose all of mine, when I walked into the parlours where I got them done, on the day I got them done.
I have only pre-planned ONE tattoo. and that is my final one, which is going to be situated either low on the centre of my neck, or high between my shoulder blades. It's the Japanese symbol for "Hope." (Kibou) It took me a long time to find this symbol, and it was the only caricature I saw fitting, other than "Love," and perhaps "Music."
For me, hope, is sometimes all I have to hold on to. It can be something crushing and misleading, and also inspiring. For someone like myself who is ruled mostly by emotions, even when I am at my worst place mentally, when the world weighs heavily upon me, hope is something that helps me through it. I usually try to see things with a light at the tunnel even though it's exceedingly difficult at times.
Life is not pleasant right now. I feel lost, in my heart. I am so FUCKED financially right now It's not even funny, and I'm feeling lost in my life in general. You'll have to pardon the lack of enthusiam in my posts, or the somewhat down tone that it portrays. I'm working on it.
Honestly, by the time I'm 80 years old, I'll be fat, in a Muu-muu, and no one will care if I have tattoos etched permanently on my skin, because they won't SEE them. Either that, Or dead, according to my results on www.deathclock.com.
My choice in Tattoos, being mythical lizard-like creatures, (3 dragons, and a rainbow gecko) are for my own enjoyment. They hold special meaning to me, because of the development of my character over the past few years, and the things I have done while in the process of living life and growing up.
I must confess, I got my first tattoo to piss off my first boyfriend. He was controlling, abusive and "Didn't like tattoos." I chose to stand up for myself and get one anyways. I had wanted one since I was about 12 years old.
As far as I know, I'm the ONLY person in my family with tattoos. Other than my cousin Andrew, who, when he saw me get my first shoulder blade inked up, was inspired to then get his done after seeing the process. I chose all of mine, when I walked into the parlours where I got them done, on the day I got them done.
I have only pre-planned ONE tattoo. and that is my final one, which is going to be situated either low on the centre of my neck, or high between my shoulder blades. It's the Japanese symbol for "Hope." (Kibou) It took me a long time to find this symbol, and it was the only caricature I saw fitting, other than "Love," and perhaps "Music."
For me, hope, is sometimes all I have to hold on to. It can be something crushing and misleading, and also inspiring. For someone like myself who is ruled mostly by emotions, even when I am at my worst place mentally, when the world weighs heavily upon me, hope is something that helps me through it. I usually try to see things with a light at the tunnel even though it's exceedingly difficult at times.
Life is not pleasant right now. I feel lost, in my heart. I am so FUCKED financially right now It's not even funny, and I'm feeling lost in my life in general. You'll have to pardon the lack of enthusiam in my posts, or the somewhat down tone that it portrays. I'm working on it.
Tuesday, July 27, 2004
Tunes to Groove by... (volume 2.)
It's nice to get free stuff.
I won four CD's at The Roxy last night, and quite contrary to the belief that they are the shittiest prizes you can win on the "Molson Waaaaaallll of Prizes!" (But, only because it's not the MONEY) It's actually some pretty damned good music.
"Best of the British"
(Virgin records compilation sampler, Various artists, 2002, Annual release.)
This compilation, contains everything from The Who, "Babe 'O Riley," Rod Stewart, "Maggie May" (one of my favourite songs of all time.) Classic 80's kitsch band Madness with "Our House," Squeeze, singing "Tempted" which was used recently in a jeans commercial, (There's nothing like a song about infidelity to make me want a pair of jeans. *Smirks*) Joe Cocker singing a very soulful, blues/jazz live version of "She came in Through the Bathroom Window." (I love a unique voice. It's scratchy, and growly and utterly hot. Too bad this song was big in 1969.) Tricky, "Black Steel" (Trip-Hop from the frontwoman formerly known from her stuff in Massive Attack) Supertramp, "Bloody Well Right" to Stereo MC, "Connected." (I LOVE that song.)
Best of the British, "No Sunshine, Loads of Music."
(Virgin records Compilation sampler, Various Artists, 2003, Annual release.)
This compilation contains various songs, including Culture Club, "Church of the Poisoned Mind," David Bowie, "Heroes" a very inspirational pre punk era song by the Buzzcocks, entitled "Ever Fallen in Love?" Duran Duran, "Girls on Film" Talk Talk, "It's My Life." (Recently covered by No Doubt) And a FANTASTIC acoustic version of Dirty Vegas, "Days Go By" made popular by a recent car commercial, but slower and by doing so, shows fabulous versatility of the band.
Both are thoroughly enjoyable. And apparently, you can't purchase these in the Virgin records stores. They are "promotional use only" so only a select few people have them. Nice. (Of course, everyone that wins on that damned "Wall of Prizes" usually ends up winning one of these things. I just happened to win 4 of them. Oooh, lucky number 24.)
More updates on the other two CD's once I listen to them.
As an aside, apparently The Roxy is kaiboshing the Karaoke they've held there for five and a half years. Drag. The last bout of contestants to enter in "Vancouver Idol" is this coming up Monday. I'm not sure if I am going to go yet or not.
I won four CD's at The Roxy last night, and quite contrary to the belief that they are the shittiest prizes you can win on the "Molson Waaaaaallll of Prizes!" (But, only because it's not the MONEY) It's actually some pretty damned good music.
"Best of the British"
(Virgin records compilation sampler, Various artists, 2002, Annual release.)
This compilation, contains everything from The Who, "Babe 'O Riley," Rod Stewart, "Maggie May" (one of my favourite songs of all time.) Classic 80's kitsch band Madness with "Our House," Squeeze, singing "Tempted" which was used recently in a jeans commercial, (There's nothing like a song about infidelity to make me want a pair of jeans. *Smirks*) Joe Cocker singing a very soulful, blues/jazz live version of "She came in Through the Bathroom Window." (I love a unique voice. It's scratchy, and growly and utterly hot. Too bad this song was big in 1969.) Tricky, "Black Steel" (Trip-Hop from the frontwoman formerly known from her stuff in Massive Attack) Supertramp, "Bloody Well Right" to Stereo MC, "Connected." (I LOVE that song.)
Best of the British, "No Sunshine, Loads of Music."
(Virgin records Compilation sampler, Various Artists, 2003, Annual release.)
This compilation contains various songs, including Culture Club, "Church of the Poisoned Mind," David Bowie, "Heroes" a very inspirational pre punk era song by the Buzzcocks, entitled "Ever Fallen in Love?" Duran Duran, "Girls on Film" Talk Talk, "It's My Life." (Recently covered by No Doubt) And a FANTASTIC acoustic version of Dirty Vegas, "Days Go By" made popular by a recent car commercial, but slower and by doing so, shows fabulous versatility of the band.
Both are thoroughly enjoyable. And apparently, you can't purchase these in the Virgin records stores. They are "promotional use only" so only a select few people have them. Nice. (Of course, everyone that wins on that damned "Wall of Prizes" usually ends up winning one of these things. I just happened to win 4 of them. Oooh, lucky number 24.)
More updates on the other two CD's once I listen to them.
As an aside, apparently The Roxy is kaiboshing the Karaoke they've held there for five and a half years. Drag. The last bout of contestants to enter in "Vancouver Idol" is this coming up Monday. I'm not sure if I am going to go yet or not.
Late is better than never.
A quick thanks, even belated, to Melissa and Luc, who threw one hell of a boozefest "Just 'cause" party at their place in New West for a few friends. Awesome. Good company, HELLA good food and good drinkin.
Cheers!
Cheers!
Sunday, July 25, 2004
THE story...
Alright. Here goes.
I've come to the conclusion, even hung over, and exhausted from sleep deprivation and my first day back at work after ten days, that I can't stop thinking. My mind is always working, and half the time, it's thinking of ways to write a new entry for this effing blog. I woke up a part of my mind that had been dormant for a long time, and now it seems that the beast is quite restless.
I wanted to write about what I feel about "Online Relationships," but didn't want it to be some sort of bible-thumping rant.
Basically, I was involved in a six month relationship with someone I had never met. That situation ended abruptly, very recently.
You have to understand that for me, finding a man to associate with sexually, is not a problem. As a matter of fact, sometimes I feel that its entirely TOO easy to find someone to fuck around with.
What I had a problem with, was finding someone that I clicked with emotionally, and mentally. Someone that I felt I had a connection with other than physically. And an online relationship, is exactly that. (For me, anyways.) It's a way to find out about someone, to communicate, based soley on words expressed on a computer screen.
And it's horribly easy to be trapped in one.
So easy that its the third relationship I've had online. (And for the record, I've never really told many people this.) Call me naive. Call me foolish or stupid. But for me, that sense of emotional/mental bonding, was so incredibly alluring, that I found it hard to resist.
I met Devin on Hot or Not, as I've mentioned in a previous post, while I was dating someone else exclusively. He was a good friend. He was someone to banter with and tease lightheartedly. We had a lot in common. I was friends with him for about six months. We chatted online regularly, and on the phone occasionally, just as friends. Until my relationship with Erik, who I was devoted to, fell through.
Devin was there. He heard my misery, because the breakup with Erik was pretty unexpected, and the stories I had told him about Erik's and my relationship, after the split, I tried to keep fairly unbiased. He listened to me. He listened to me through my anger, and my pain and my regret. He lent me a sympathetic ear, and a calming perspective. He did what a friend was supposed to do. Even though he lives in Texas.
I had always been attracted to him, and after a while of being single, I found myself attracted to Him even more, based on that stability. Based on that caring, and all of the things we had in common. Based on his phenomenal personality, his intelligence and wit. And I fell for him. Even though I KNEW that he lived so far away, even though I KNEW that it probably didn't have a snowballs chance in hell of making it work out. And I said, to Hell with it, and tossed my inhibitions to the wind. "Love like you've never been hurt." they say. The communication with him never ceased, He sent me a Christmas present. I called him just to wish him a Merry Christmas and tell him I loved him, on Christmas Day. It was so difficult, being far away from each other, but it was so damned good at the same time. And it was unbelievably sweet. I loved him, probably more than I cared to admit. And I thought he felt the same.
His phone/net apparently was cut off in early January, of 2004, And I didn't receive a response from him for a little over 2 weeks to anything I sent him. I remained incommunicado with him for almost four months. I thought about him almost every day. On a whim, I had been looking at his blog and decided to see that if I provoked him with a response to one of his posts, if he would talk to me again. It worked. He had thought that my hurt questioning, wondering if he was alright, wondering if He had met someone and was too afraid to tell me, and finally just the words, "I give up." had blown his chances with me... No. I gave him another chance.
I don't think I should have.
He got a new job. He was working approximately 18 hours a day. Or so he says. I don't know what to believe anymore. I really don't. I tried my best to be supportive. But it was getting harder on me, to be alone, and I was dating around when he had stopped talking the first time. I paused on that momentarily, for about a month, and then continued to date other people. Hiding my status as "Long Distance Girlfriend" for the first while because I didn't want to feel stupid, and because most men, when they hear that phrase, they hear "Desperate for Loving. Will do anything."
And after feeling guilty for not being completely honest, I didn't bother to hide it at all, and made sure that it was one of the first things I said, to avoid leading them on. Because after all, I did have a sexual appetite, as well as a need for companionship that was not being fulfilled. I just clarified immediately that I was not looking for "A relationship." Because my heart belonged to Devin.
The loneliness got harder and harder to bear, I missed him. (How on earth you miss someone you have never met, is very difficult to explain.) I had discussed with him coming up here for a vacation of his own, and it was most likely going to occur to the best of my knowledge, when I went for MY holiday that I just recently had. However, unforeseen circumstances changed that, and I booked my holiday a week earlier than I had planned with him, because I had waited so long between them, and his trip was to be postponed until possibly September when I could schedule my next vacation.
I became somewhat demanding of his time, not that he had much to spare. And I can see from his perspective how that could have either irritated or freaked him out. Or both. But with me, if a relationship is not progressive, or if I am becoming unhappy with something regarding it (ie, our separation for such a length of time) I am most definitely going to speak my mind. I told him countless times, when he was at his wits end with everything around him, if he needed to confide in someone, to call me. If he needed someone to cry to on the phone, I would be there to be best of my ability. I tried my hardest to be what he needed, I tried my hardest to show that I was proud of him, and told him so on a regular basis, for all that he was struggling through and what he was achieving. But know that I failed in a lot of aspects. I can't lay the blame wholly upon myself, though.
I made the mistake of phoning him, after Crystal's barbeque, when I had had too much alcohol to drink and was feeling vulnerable, and alone, and leaving a rather emotional message on his Voicemail. But what else was I supposed to do? I had told him that I would be there for him, if not as a physical presence, than as a supportive, consoling, vocal presence. Was that supposed to be a one way street? I don't think so. That's not the way relationships, (even long distance ones) work.
Two days later, communication stopped. At least from HIM.
He stopped responding to my messages online, to my text messages, to my messages on his voicemail... He was online, and he wouldn't respond to me. That, I think was the most hurtful thing of all. You can block someone on MSN from seeing you online, and he didn't even bother to have the decency to do that. He just ignored me. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know what to think.
Is he married, and his spouse found out? Is he disgusted with me? Is he tired of having to keep up with my somewhat demanding attitude for attention? I have no reasons from him. He won't even acknowledge me. All I know, is that I'm in a world of hurt, and I have no answers for all the questions running through my brain.
And that I'm through chasing him. As curious/frustrated as I am about what is going on, I'm not desperate, and I have my pride.
He's off my lists on Yahoo/MSN, and I don't plan on contacting him again anytime soon. Elizabeth says I'm being entirely too nice to even THINK of contacting him with the intention of salvaging a friendship. Maybe, just maybe, I will a few months down the road, to see if he strapped on some balls and can perhaps act like a grown up. I won't slam him any further, however him leading me on most certainly makes me think he deserves a fuck of a lot more than the modest amount I have.
What bothers me the most is that I honestly thought he was a decent person. It really makes me reconsider the way I look at people, and the level of trust that I give them.
I've come to the conclusion, even hung over, and exhausted from sleep deprivation and my first day back at work after ten days, that I can't stop thinking. My mind is always working, and half the time, it's thinking of ways to write a new entry for this effing blog. I woke up a part of my mind that had been dormant for a long time, and now it seems that the beast is quite restless.
I wanted to write about what I feel about "Online Relationships," but didn't want it to be some sort of bible-thumping rant.
Basically, I was involved in a six month relationship with someone I had never met. That situation ended abruptly, very recently.
You have to understand that for me, finding a man to associate with sexually, is not a problem. As a matter of fact, sometimes I feel that its entirely TOO easy to find someone to fuck around with.
What I had a problem with, was finding someone that I clicked with emotionally, and mentally. Someone that I felt I had a connection with other than physically. And an online relationship, is exactly that. (For me, anyways.) It's a way to find out about someone, to communicate, based soley on words expressed on a computer screen.
And it's horribly easy to be trapped in one.
So easy that its the third relationship I've had online. (And for the record, I've never really told many people this.) Call me naive. Call me foolish or stupid. But for me, that sense of emotional/mental bonding, was so incredibly alluring, that I found it hard to resist.
I met Devin on Hot or Not, as I've mentioned in a previous post, while I was dating someone else exclusively. He was a good friend. He was someone to banter with and tease lightheartedly. We had a lot in common. I was friends with him for about six months. We chatted online regularly, and on the phone occasionally, just as friends. Until my relationship with Erik, who I was devoted to, fell through.
Devin was there. He heard my misery, because the breakup with Erik was pretty unexpected, and the stories I had told him about Erik's and my relationship, after the split, I tried to keep fairly unbiased. He listened to me. He listened to me through my anger, and my pain and my regret. He lent me a sympathetic ear, and a calming perspective. He did what a friend was supposed to do. Even though he lives in Texas.
I had always been attracted to him, and after a while of being single, I found myself attracted to Him even more, based on that stability. Based on that caring, and all of the things we had in common. Based on his phenomenal personality, his intelligence and wit. And I fell for him. Even though I KNEW that he lived so far away, even though I KNEW that it probably didn't have a snowballs chance in hell of making it work out. And I said, to Hell with it, and tossed my inhibitions to the wind. "Love like you've never been hurt." they say. The communication with him never ceased, He sent me a Christmas present. I called him just to wish him a Merry Christmas and tell him I loved him, on Christmas Day. It was so difficult, being far away from each other, but it was so damned good at the same time. And it was unbelievably sweet. I loved him, probably more than I cared to admit. And I thought he felt the same.
His phone/net apparently was cut off in early January, of 2004, And I didn't receive a response from him for a little over 2 weeks to anything I sent him. I remained incommunicado with him for almost four months. I thought about him almost every day. On a whim, I had been looking at his blog and decided to see that if I provoked him with a response to one of his posts, if he would talk to me again. It worked. He had thought that my hurt questioning, wondering if he was alright, wondering if He had met someone and was too afraid to tell me, and finally just the words, "I give up." had blown his chances with me... No. I gave him another chance.
I don't think I should have.
He got a new job. He was working approximately 18 hours a day. Or so he says. I don't know what to believe anymore. I really don't. I tried my best to be supportive. But it was getting harder on me, to be alone, and I was dating around when he had stopped talking the first time. I paused on that momentarily, for about a month, and then continued to date other people. Hiding my status as "Long Distance Girlfriend" for the first while because I didn't want to feel stupid, and because most men, when they hear that phrase, they hear "Desperate for Loving. Will do anything."
And after feeling guilty for not being completely honest, I didn't bother to hide it at all, and made sure that it was one of the first things I said, to avoid leading them on. Because after all, I did have a sexual appetite, as well as a need for companionship that was not being fulfilled. I just clarified immediately that I was not looking for "A relationship." Because my heart belonged to Devin.
The loneliness got harder and harder to bear, I missed him. (How on earth you miss someone you have never met, is very difficult to explain.) I had discussed with him coming up here for a vacation of his own, and it was most likely going to occur to the best of my knowledge, when I went for MY holiday that I just recently had. However, unforeseen circumstances changed that, and I booked my holiday a week earlier than I had planned with him, because I had waited so long between them, and his trip was to be postponed until possibly September when I could schedule my next vacation.
I became somewhat demanding of his time, not that he had much to spare. And I can see from his perspective how that could have either irritated or freaked him out. Or both. But with me, if a relationship is not progressive, or if I am becoming unhappy with something regarding it (ie, our separation for such a length of time) I am most definitely going to speak my mind. I told him countless times, when he was at his wits end with everything around him, if he needed to confide in someone, to call me. If he needed someone to cry to on the phone, I would be there to be best of my ability. I tried my hardest to be what he needed, I tried my hardest to show that I was proud of him, and told him so on a regular basis, for all that he was struggling through and what he was achieving. But know that I failed in a lot of aspects. I can't lay the blame wholly upon myself, though.
I made the mistake of phoning him, after Crystal's barbeque, when I had had too much alcohol to drink and was feeling vulnerable, and alone, and leaving a rather emotional message on his Voicemail. But what else was I supposed to do? I had told him that I would be there for him, if not as a physical presence, than as a supportive, consoling, vocal presence. Was that supposed to be a one way street? I don't think so. That's not the way relationships, (even long distance ones) work.
Two days later, communication stopped. At least from HIM.
He stopped responding to my messages online, to my text messages, to my messages on his voicemail... He was online, and he wouldn't respond to me. That, I think was the most hurtful thing of all. You can block someone on MSN from seeing you online, and he didn't even bother to have the decency to do that. He just ignored me. I don't know what to believe anymore. I don't know what to think.
Is he married, and his spouse found out? Is he disgusted with me? Is he tired of having to keep up with my somewhat demanding attitude for attention? I have no reasons from him. He won't even acknowledge me. All I know, is that I'm in a world of hurt, and I have no answers for all the questions running through my brain.
And that I'm through chasing him. As curious/frustrated as I am about what is going on, I'm not desperate, and I have my pride.
He's off my lists on Yahoo/MSN, and I don't plan on contacting him again anytime soon. Elizabeth says I'm being entirely too nice to even THINK of contacting him with the intention of salvaging a friendship. Maybe, just maybe, I will a few months down the road, to see if he strapped on some balls and can perhaps act like a grown up. I won't slam him any further, however him leading me on most certainly makes me think he deserves a fuck of a lot more than the modest amount I have.
What bothers me the most is that I honestly thought he was a decent person. It really makes me reconsider the way I look at people, and the level of trust that I give them.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Tunes to Groove by...
I've been listening to:
"This is Not a Test"
(Missy Elliot, Elektra Entertainment, 2003)
For those of you that don't know, I'm a huge fan of Hip Hop in general as long as the content is progressive, stimulating and intelligent.
Missy 'Misdemeanor' Elliot. She's the ultimate BBW. (Big Beautiful Woman.) Rich, Gorgeous, and very, very talented. She also has shitloads of confidence and fantastically dirty lyrics. She's not afraid to say whatever the hell strikes her at the moment. Her stuff is very reminiscent of 'Old School rap.' Maybe its why I dig her so much.
Her partner in creative crime, Timbaland, has wicked mixing abilities and beat creation skills. Not to mention one of the hottest voices EVER. Check out the song "Let It Bump" where he does his own verse. I almost creamed my jeans the first time I heard his voice on it's own.
There is also the currently released songs on this album, being "Pass That Dutch" "Wake Up" (feat Jay-Z) and "I'm Really Hot"
She features several different artists on this album doing guest spots, including: Mary J. Blige, Jay Z, Elephant Man, Fabolous, R. Kelly (I hate R. Kelly. LOL) Monica, Beenie Man, Nelly, and The Clark Sisters.
These are the ultimate anthems for any club going bigger woman like me. Anything to psyche me up before I see the teensy trollops in their cummerbunds (A.K.A. miniskirts) or Paris Hilton wannabe skirts, and midriff bearing tops, the songs that makes me feel GOOD about my body before I head on out the door, although Missy has several that get me psyched. It helps along with a few bottles of false confidence, otherwise known as Smirnoff Ice.
But the one that works best for the club is called "Pump It Up." The lyrics can be found here.
(As an aside, this lyrics web site, is by far, the most accurate for a Hip Hop songs I've ever seen online. Well done. )
"This is Not a Test"
(Missy Elliot, Elektra Entertainment, 2003)
For those of you that don't know, I'm a huge fan of Hip Hop in general as long as the content is progressive, stimulating and intelligent.
Missy 'Misdemeanor' Elliot. She's the ultimate BBW. (Big Beautiful Woman.) Rich, Gorgeous, and very, very talented. She also has shitloads of confidence and fantastically dirty lyrics. She's not afraid to say whatever the hell strikes her at the moment. Her stuff is very reminiscent of 'Old School rap.' Maybe its why I dig her so much.
Her partner in creative crime, Timbaland, has wicked mixing abilities and beat creation skills. Not to mention one of the hottest voices EVER. Check out the song "Let It Bump" where he does his own verse. I almost creamed my jeans the first time I heard his voice on it's own.
There is also the currently released songs on this album, being "Pass That Dutch" "Wake Up" (feat Jay-Z) and "I'm Really Hot"
She features several different artists on this album doing guest spots, including: Mary J. Blige, Jay Z, Elephant Man, Fabolous, R. Kelly (I hate R. Kelly. LOL) Monica, Beenie Man, Nelly, and The Clark Sisters.
These are the ultimate anthems for any club going bigger woman like me. Anything to psyche me up before I see the teensy trollops in their cummerbunds (A.K.A. miniskirts) or Paris Hilton wannabe skirts, and midriff bearing tops, the songs that makes me feel GOOD about my body before I head on out the door, although Missy has several that get me psyched. It helps along with a few bottles of false confidence, otherwise known as Smirnoff Ice.
But the one that works best for the club is called "Pump It Up." The lyrics can be found here.
(As an aside, this lyrics web site, is by far, the most accurate for a Hip Hop songs I've ever seen online. Well done. )
Poetic justice.
There's nothing like seeing a prick get fucked over.
It's the human mentality that when people see people in higher power (or a supposed higher power) struggle, or somehow face difficulties in something, they feel a little bit (or a lot, depending.) of joy inside.
I know. Savage kicks.
But I never said I was nice.
Its like working for someone, who is a total Asshole. Who's harassed and tortured people at work merely because he is a supervisor and has the authority, for years, and then find out he's been diagnosed with rectal cancer.
Its actually a proper usage of the word irony.
And though I find sympathy in his situation, I still think it's damned funny.
It's the human mentality that when people see people in higher power (or a supposed higher power) struggle, or somehow face difficulties in something, they feel a little bit (or a lot, depending.) of joy inside.
I know. Savage kicks.
But I never said I was nice.
Its like working for someone, who is a total Asshole. Who's harassed and tortured people at work merely because he is a supervisor and has the authority, for years, and then find out he's been diagnosed with rectal cancer.
Its actually a proper usage of the word irony.
And though I find sympathy in his situation, I still think it's damned funny.
Thursday, July 22, 2004
Enough of the melencholy shit, I'm better than that...
Remind me never to write at 5 AM again. Jesus. It's not like it did a lick of good anyways.
A new CD review is in order, to balance out the scales... Or some shit. Or maybe just because I feel like it.
Okay, okay, it's not technically new. It's from a few years ago. BUT, it might be new to you. So here goes.
Goldmember Soundtrack (Various Artists, 2002)
It's mostly remakes of funk and 60's tunes done by modern artists, and some new ones tossed into the lot.
With some BOSS tunes from the motion picture, including Beyonce's shtick from the flick, which is a pretty good imitation of Funk, a Dr. Dre remix of "Miss you" by the Rolling Stones.(Dre, is an UTTER GENIUS with the intricacies of beats and sampling.) And a phenominal vocalist that goes by the name of Angie Stone, (she's got some mad skillz.) singing a remake of "Groove Me" done originally by King Floyd. (This, and "Miss You" are probably my favourite tracks on the whole album)
Toss in some Earth, Wind and Fire's "Shining Star." Some trance tunes by Paul Oakenfield, and a remake of "Evil Woman" by Soul Hooligan Feat. Diana King. And you've got one kickass assortment of music.
Fuck, even my MOM liked this CD when I got it.
I originally hated the thing when I first bought it, (only for the "It's a Hard Knock Life" done by Dr. Evil, originally done by Jay-Z,) but the more I listened to it, the more I realized I LOVE it. It gets me going.
As an aside for my personal life right now. Good lord. It's a total distaster. It seems it goes well for a few months and then the fates decide its time for shit to hit the fan, and just douse me in it. Love life, *poof* Finances, *poof* I could swing a fast left at the fates right now and I would probably miss, knowing my luck.
Now they say bad things come in 3's. I'm waiting to be diagnosed with cancer or some stupid shit like that. (Knocks on wood) That would be the straw that broke the camel's back.
Stick that in your Blunt and smoke it. Yeah. I said blunt.
A new CD review is in order, to balance out the scales... Or some shit. Or maybe just because I feel like it.
Okay, okay, it's not technically new. It's from a few years ago. BUT, it might be new to you. So here goes.
Goldmember Soundtrack (Various Artists, 2002)
It's mostly remakes of funk and 60's tunes done by modern artists, and some new ones tossed into the lot.
With some BOSS tunes from the motion picture, including Beyonce's shtick from the flick, which is a pretty good imitation of Funk, a Dr. Dre remix of "Miss you" by the Rolling Stones.(Dre, is an UTTER GENIUS with the intricacies of beats and sampling.) And a phenominal vocalist that goes by the name of Angie Stone, (she's got some mad skillz.) singing a remake of "Groove Me" done originally by King Floyd. (This, and "Miss You" are probably my favourite tracks on the whole album)
Toss in some Earth, Wind and Fire's "Shining Star." Some trance tunes by Paul Oakenfield, and a remake of "Evil Woman" by Soul Hooligan Feat. Diana King. And you've got one kickass assortment of music.
Fuck, even my MOM liked this CD when I got it.
I originally hated the thing when I first bought it, (only for the "It's a Hard Knock Life" done by Dr. Evil, originally done by Jay-Z,) but the more I listened to it, the more I realized I LOVE it. It gets me going.
As an aside for my personal life right now. Good lord. It's a total distaster. It seems it goes well for a few months and then the fates decide its time for shit to hit the fan, and just douse me in it. Love life, *poof* Finances, *poof* I could swing a fast left at the fates right now and I would probably miss, knowing my luck.
Now they say bad things come in 3's. I'm waiting to be diagnosed with cancer or some stupid shit like that. (Knocks on wood) That would be the straw that broke the camel's back.
Stick that in your Blunt and smoke it. Yeah. I said blunt.
Up all night...
I'm watching the sun rise from the balcony, over the mountains, and it's beautiful.
But it doesn't move me like it used to.
I can't sleep.
I was tired earlier in the morning, but honestly, the thought of crawling into my bed, alone, AGAIN, isn't that terribly intreguing. Life was a lot simpler when I wasn't alone.
Or was it?
I can't tell anymore. When I wasn't wondering what the fuck was going on in my love life when it was simple.
Or was it ever simple?
When I'm dating around, feeling heartless. Feeling like I'm leading people on. Even though I'm completely honest. And I'm so torn inside.
I feel like a bad person.
I feel bad for having emotions.
I've been smoking too much, my chest hurts. And thinking too much, because my head hurts too.
I feel bad for freaking him out. And I'm sorry I did, or even if I did. I'm sorry if a drunken phone call at midnight my time, made him feel pressured, or whatever the fuck else it did. But I don't know if that's the reason why either.
I miss Him.
More than I let show.
I miss his voice. I miss the conversations we used to have. I miss laughing at his jokes, or him laughing at mine. I miss him waking me up at 12:45 AM when I'm up at 5 AM and it doesn't fucking matter because it's him on his way home with a phone call. And he has my heart. I would always pick up the phone if I was able to, for him.
Fuck...
I was angry on my way home this morning. Angry, and miserable inside. When you can't stop the tears when your on public transit at 1 AM kind of miserable. Angry, miserable and questioning everything I was feeling. And I didn't care. Let them see me cry. Let them think I was drunk, or nuts, or a combination of both, if it suits them. I still don't care. I wasn't any of those things anyways.
The sun is up.
It's another stunning morning.
I'm going to go to sleep.
Or try at least.
But it doesn't move me like it used to.
I can't sleep.
I was tired earlier in the morning, but honestly, the thought of crawling into my bed, alone, AGAIN, isn't that terribly intreguing. Life was a lot simpler when I wasn't alone.
Or was it?
I can't tell anymore. When I wasn't wondering what the fuck was going on in my love life when it was simple.
Or was it ever simple?
When I'm dating around, feeling heartless. Feeling like I'm leading people on. Even though I'm completely honest. And I'm so torn inside.
I feel like a bad person.
I feel bad for having emotions.
I've been smoking too much, my chest hurts. And thinking too much, because my head hurts too.
I feel bad for freaking him out. And I'm sorry I did, or even if I did. I'm sorry if a drunken phone call at midnight my time, made him feel pressured, or whatever the fuck else it did. But I don't know if that's the reason why either.
I miss Him.
More than I let show.
I miss his voice. I miss the conversations we used to have. I miss laughing at his jokes, or him laughing at mine. I miss him waking me up at 12:45 AM when I'm up at 5 AM and it doesn't fucking matter because it's him on his way home with a phone call. And he has my heart. I would always pick up the phone if I was able to, for him.
Fuck...
I was angry on my way home this morning. Angry, and miserable inside. When you can't stop the tears when your on public transit at 1 AM kind of miserable. Angry, miserable and questioning everything I was feeling. And I didn't care. Let them see me cry. Let them think I was drunk, or nuts, or a combination of both, if it suits them. I still don't care. I wasn't any of those things anyways.
The sun is up.
It's another stunning morning.
I'm going to go to sleep.
Or try at least.
Wanted: ASS BANDIT!
Okay, to understand that title you would have to see the newest stand up routine done by Margaret Cho, entitled "Notorious C.H.O."
By FAR the funniest damned stand up I've EVER seen, absolutely racy in content, she comments on everything from homosexuality, to her period (And how straight men would sound if they had theirs) to her routine on "Pussy." I laughed so hard, my head hurt. (Not to mention my ribs, and I think my cheeks took a serious workout.)
Thank you Ryan, for introducing me to the depths of Margaret's depravity. She's one fucking funny Korean woman. Her impressions of her mother, are hysterical. I would borrow the DVD from him, but I think he watches the thing religiously. Highly recommended by myself, and Ryan as well. I actually think its going to be the next DVD I purchase.
Just a short entry for tonight. It's been a long day.
By FAR the funniest damned stand up I've EVER seen, absolutely racy in content, she comments on everything from homosexuality, to her period (And how straight men would sound if they had theirs) to her routine on "Pussy." I laughed so hard, my head hurt. (Not to mention my ribs, and I think my cheeks took a serious workout.)
Thank you Ryan, for introducing me to the depths of Margaret's depravity. She's one fucking funny Korean woman. Her impressions of her mother, are hysterical. I would borrow the DVD from him, but I think he watches the thing religiously. Highly recommended by myself, and Ryan as well. I actually think its going to be the next DVD I purchase.
Just a short entry for tonight. It's been a long day.
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
So much for my Happy ending...
Here are the lyrics to the most recent Avril Lavigne song playing on the radio, "My Happy Ending"
I dig the words. The tune is pretty good as well.
She's the new Alanis Morrisette, In my humble opinion. How a sixteen year old girl learns the intricacies of adult relationships, well, that's up to the people that write her lyrics for her, or at least help her by handing her the Grown-up Coles Notes version of romance, or lack thereof.
I actually stumbled upon her stuff before she became big, one day when I was in the MSN chat rooms before you had to pay for them. (Whatever they sucked anyways, no big loss.) Her band members were pimping her music, in particular the tune "Complicated" in the Canada chats.
I thought her tunes was alright when I checked out her website a few years ago, but I still don't like her rendition of "Knocking on Heaven's door."
Hey, whatever works right? I guess it worked just fine. However, I swear if I see another teeny bopper trying to be "original," walking around wearing a blue and red striped tie with a wife beater on, I'm going to scream. All of the sudden, everyone was being "different," Punk rock was hip, and my ex-boyfriend Erik's clothes were trendy again. Kudo's to sticking to your fashionista guns, Erik. No one pulls off red and blue plaid multi-zippered bell bottoms like you do and can actually make it look hot.
To each their own.
*As an aside. I haven't listened to Z95.3 in ages, but put it on because my discman ran out of juice. The station hasn't improved much. I remember why I switched my alarm clock to Rock 101.1. I think I've heard the same artists three times in the past two hours. Or maybe they all just sound the same now. (Oh Gawd. I'm starting to sound like my Dad.)*
I dig the words. The tune is pretty good as well.
She's the new Alanis Morrisette, In my humble opinion. How a sixteen year old girl learns the intricacies of adult relationships, well, that's up to the people that write her lyrics for her, or at least help her by handing her the Grown-up Coles Notes version of romance, or lack thereof.
I actually stumbled upon her stuff before she became big, one day when I was in the MSN chat rooms before you had to pay for them. (Whatever they sucked anyways, no big loss.) Her band members were pimping her music, in particular the tune "Complicated" in the Canada chats.
I thought her tunes was alright when I checked out her website a few years ago, but I still don't like her rendition of "Knocking on Heaven's door."
Hey, whatever works right? I guess it worked just fine. However, I swear if I see another teeny bopper trying to be "original," walking around wearing a blue and red striped tie with a wife beater on, I'm going to scream. All of the sudden, everyone was being "different," Punk rock was hip, and my ex-boyfriend Erik's clothes were trendy again. Kudo's to sticking to your fashionista guns, Erik. No one pulls off red and blue plaid multi-zippered bell bottoms like you do and can actually make it look hot.
To each their own.
*As an aside. I haven't listened to Z95.3 in ages, but put it on because my discman ran out of juice. The station hasn't improved much. I remember why I switched my alarm clock to Rock 101.1. I think I've heard the same artists three times in the past two hours. Or maybe they all just sound the same now. (Oh Gawd. I'm starting to sound like my Dad.)*
Tuesday, July 20, 2004
WHAT is going on?!?!?
I'm in this fucked up exceedingly goofy sorta spaced out mood right now. It's somewhat melencholy.
I've had the laziest day in ages. It's my vacation, I feel exceedingly bummy. And as I was trying to explain to Liz on MSN, guilty for it. Stupid I know. both of us agree. Actually Tory agrees too. That makes three. (Momma, and Me, and Baby make three...) Maybe its because I've gone so long having so much to do at once, that I'm completely unused to doing nothing. Gawd.
My music lately still seems to be Love Inc. Mmmmm throbbing techno beats.
I've been thinking about what I want relationship wise in the past few days. I want one person. He's too busy for me at the moment, so I've been dating around. They only seem to want sex. I dont want a relationship with anyone else. And quite frankly, sex with someone you dont care about isn't nearly as satisfying as sex with someone you do care about. It's actually quite depressing. The human obsession with sex is highly amusing, and understandable. People are sexual creatures, and I'm a highly sexual person too. But its not the end all and be all of civilization.
M'eh.
Truth be told, I'm highly uninterested in dating students. Or even men my age be it slightly older or younger. I'm not interested in dating people in unstable careers. people that can't hold a job longer than four months, Or even have careers that lead no where. I'm not interested in dating men that play videogames incessantly, or get savage kicks out of violence, or immaturity. (However, It's alright once in a while for the immaturity.) I once had a BF that told me that I was incredibly mature, for my age. I'm much older in my head, than the number it proclaims on my Birth Certificate.
Well, you deal with 4 years of abuse in your first relationship, have a fairly horrific incident of sexual abuse happen to you from someone you trusted implicitly when your thirteen, and you tend to mature a lot faster. Not to mention that I didnt have siblings, and grew up around adults.
Call me shallow if you will, or picky, or a bitch. I know what I want, and I don't want instability. I may not like my job that much, even though things are turning around, (And they are offering apprenticeships now) But, I've been there for four years. Thats a lot more than most people can say.
On the same note, I'm sure I've excluded myself from people based on my personality, I can be negative sometimes, I can be whiny about my situation. I'm just sick of the SHIT that goes around.
To be quite blunt, I'm more than my pussy.
All I want, is someone to love and to love me for me, and for me to never doubt it. To have a sense of maturity and purpose that propels them forward in life. To have intelligence that makes them joyful to be around, to banter with. I might be greedy with my requirements in a relationship, but honestly, all I want in a relationship is affection and quality time. I'm quite happy living in a shitty apartment on the harsh side of town, with someone I mutually adore, than in a mansion with someone I can tolerate. I want someone I can spoil with love, that would do the same to me, all the while respecting self, identity and personal space.
This is are the qualities I see and the reason why I'm waiting for Devin. He might not see it, He probably wouldnt agree with me either. But I can. I've never really publicly proclaimed it before this. But all the people that know me know the reasons why I care about him. It's something that leaves me grinding my teeth in frustration. I can't be there to support him when he is in need, and he's not here when I need a shoulder to cry on. Some might call it stupid, but the people I care about, and that care about me in return, don't. (At least not to my face, and if they did, I couldn't begrudge them. I wonder sometimes, myself. But I stick to my guns.) That's how you can test the true value of a friend. When they stick by a friend that might have made a mistake.
You can't help falling in love. It just happens.
I've had the laziest day in ages. It's my vacation, I feel exceedingly bummy. And as I was trying to explain to Liz on MSN, guilty for it. Stupid I know. both of us agree. Actually Tory agrees too. That makes three. (Momma, and Me, and Baby make three...) Maybe its because I've gone so long having so much to do at once, that I'm completely unused to doing nothing. Gawd.
My music lately still seems to be Love Inc. Mmmmm throbbing techno beats.
I've been thinking about what I want relationship wise in the past few days. I want one person. He's too busy for me at the moment, so I've been dating around. They only seem to want sex. I dont want a relationship with anyone else. And quite frankly, sex with someone you dont care about isn't nearly as satisfying as sex with someone you do care about. It's actually quite depressing. The human obsession with sex is highly amusing, and understandable. People are sexual creatures, and I'm a highly sexual person too. But its not the end all and be all of civilization.
M'eh.
Truth be told, I'm highly uninterested in dating students. Or even men my age be it slightly older or younger. I'm not interested in dating people in unstable careers. people that can't hold a job longer than four months, Or even have careers that lead no where. I'm not interested in dating men that play videogames incessantly, or get savage kicks out of violence, or immaturity. (However, It's alright once in a while for the immaturity.) I once had a BF that told me that I was incredibly mature, for my age. I'm much older in my head, than the number it proclaims on my Birth Certificate.
Well, you deal with 4 years of abuse in your first relationship, have a fairly horrific incident of sexual abuse happen to you from someone you trusted implicitly when your thirteen, and you tend to mature a lot faster. Not to mention that I didnt have siblings, and grew up around adults.
Call me shallow if you will, or picky, or a bitch. I know what I want, and I don't want instability. I may not like my job that much, even though things are turning around, (And they are offering apprenticeships now) But, I've been there for four years. Thats a lot more than most people can say.
On the same note, I'm sure I've excluded myself from people based on my personality, I can be negative sometimes, I can be whiny about my situation. I'm just sick of the SHIT that goes around.
To be quite blunt, I'm more than my pussy.
All I want, is someone to love and to love me for me, and for me to never doubt it. To have a sense of maturity and purpose that propels them forward in life. To have intelligence that makes them joyful to be around, to banter with. I might be greedy with my requirements in a relationship, but honestly, all I want in a relationship is affection and quality time. I'm quite happy living in a shitty apartment on the harsh side of town, with someone I mutually adore, than in a mansion with someone I can tolerate. I want someone I can spoil with love, that would do the same to me, all the while respecting self, identity and personal space.
This is are the qualities I see and the reason why I'm waiting for Devin. He might not see it, He probably wouldnt agree with me either. But I can. I've never really publicly proclaimed it before this. But all the people that know me know the reasons why I care about him. It's something that leaves me grinding my teeth in frustration. I can't be there to support him when he is in need, and he's not here when I need a shoulder to cry on. Some might call it stupid, but the people I care about, and that care about me in return, don't. (At least not to my face, and if they did, I couldn't begrudge them. I wonder sometimes, myself. But I stick to my guns.) That's how you can test the true value of a friend. When they stick by a friend that might have made a mistake.
You can't help falling in love. It just happens.
Looking for some HOT stuff, Baby, this evening, I need some HOT stuff, Baby, tonight...
Apparently there is a severe heat wave that should be hitting Vancouver come Thursday. Brutally hot in the Interior (upwards of mid to high forties Celsius) and getting up there in the Lower Mainland itself. (Up to the lower thirties Celsius.)
Yikes.
That, combined with electrical storms in the heavily wooded interior of BC, My spidey senses are tingling, telling me there will probably be a repeat performance of last summer's fire storms up north. No fun.
Time to turn on the A/C kids. Not to mention crossing your fingers.
Yikes.
That, combined with electrical storms in the heavily wooded interior of BC, My spidey senses are tingling, telling me there will probably be a repeat performance of last summer's fire storms up north. No fun.
Time to turn on the A/C kids. Not to mention crossing your fingers.
Monday, July 19, 2004
Dedicated to the One I Love.
This is one of my Favourite Mama's and Papa's songs, the Lyrics can be found here. Enjoy. It's bitter-sweet.
Ungh... Need... Coffee...
In the process of moving, I acquired a new queen sized bed, and sent my old double to the curbside.
This new bed, is dangerously addictive. (Thank-You SO much Tiana!)
It's soft, and HUGE, much bigger than im used to, and I think I'm in peril of sleeping there all damned day. All I need now is a cuddly bedmate, to waste away those hours of daylight.
I'm a nocturnal gal by nature, and what better choice for a career at this moment in time than working in a bakery where I get up at 5 AM. I'm notoriously grumbly until about 7 AM, which truthfully, makes me feel bad for the mixer when I walk into the shop in the morning and when he cheerfully greets me with "Gooood morning! How are you doing today Linds?" and I respond with the typical "Tired." Or even more eloquent, "Mmmmphhh."
Somehow, my male Co-workers, have accepted the fact that I don't talk, at least not for the first hour of my shift, and the same usually goes for at home, I'm quiet for the first few hours of waking up, usually choosing to write in here, and after a while of my brain chilling out in first gear, I kick it up to second. The unfortunate souls that hope to have an actual conversation with me on Yahoo or MSN when I first wake up, well, You're going to get the one word replies too... Sorry about that.
I don't usually drink coffee to wake up, for some strange reason. To be honest, we don't even have a coffee maker in our apartment. None of my apartments ever have. I was used to having my Mornings staggered all over the place for school at first, and then shiftwork after that. I mean, some of my shifts at work started at 4 AM, which was brutal. Toss in a few 6 AM starts and a 9 AM start, and your body clock is all over the place. Thankfully, I've learned to sleep at any time of day, for any length of time. And I still can.
On a side note, Liz and I managed to have the whole Apartment's worth of stuff moved up here on Friday afternoon and Saturday during the day. A special shout out for Steve, and Sean who did the heavy lifting, (Yes, you manly men you.) To my Dad, who helped me get my bed on Thursday, to Pete Marsz from work who scored us a gorgeous living room table for only ten bucks, Crystal for giving me the much anticipated bookshelf, Liz's folks for scoring us the free chairs for the balcony, living room, and dining area, and McCluckers who managed to harass me the whole time He was there on Saturday, when we were finishing up, joking how every piece of plastic on the floor was a condom wrapper, and all of my books, were pornographic. (And FYI, not all of them are. Just some. :P) Hey man, at least my favourite position isn't horizontal on the floor. (It's horizontal on the bed.)
The house warming party still hasn't been decided yet, but all who are invited will get a shout out, when we've decided to hold the thing.
Cheers! I'm gonna go load up my new bookshelf, and stay away from that bed until tonight.
This new bed, is dangerously addictive. (Thank-You SO much Tiana!)
It's soft, and HUGE, much bigger than im used to, and I think I'm in peril of sleeping there all damned day. All I need now is a cuddly bedmate, to waste away those hours of daylight.
I'm a nocturnal gal by nature, and what better choice for a career at this moment in time than working in a bakery where I get up at 5 AM. I'm notoriously grumbly until about 7 AM, which truthfully, makes me feel bad for the mixer when I walk into the shop in the morning and when he cheerfully greets me with "Gooood morning! How are you doing today Linds?" and I respond with the typical "Tired." Or even more eloquent, "Mmmmphhh."
Somehow, my male Co-workers, have accepted the fact that I don't talk, at least not for the first hour of my shift, and the same usually goes for at home, I'm quiet for the first few hours of waking up, usually choosing to write in here, and after a while of my brain chilling out in first gear, I kick it up to second. The unfortunate souls that hope to have an actual conversation with me on Yahoo or MSN when I first wake up, well, You're going to get the one word replies too... Sorry about that.
I don't usually drink coffee to wake up, for some strange reason. To be honest, we don't even have a coffee maker in our apartment. None of my apartments ever have. I was used to having my Mornings staggered all over the place for school at first, and then shiftwork after that. I mean, some of my shifts at work started at 4 AM, which was brutal. Toss in a few 6 AM starts and a 9 AM start, and your body clock is all over the place. Thankfully, I've learned to sleep at any time of day, for any length of time. And I still can.
On a side note, Liz and I managed to have the whole Apartment's worth of stuff moved up here on Friday afternoon and Saturday during the day. A special shout out for Steve, and Sean who did the heavy lifting, (Yes, you manly men you.) To my Dad, who helped me get my bed on Thursday, to Pete Marsz from work who scored us a gorgeous living room table for only ten bucks, Crystal for giving me the much anticipated bookshelf, Liz's folks for scoring us the free chairs for the balcony, living room, and dining area, and McCluckers who managed to harass me the whole time He was there on Saturday, when we were finishing up, joking how every piece of plastic on the floor was a condom wrapper, and all of my books, were pornographic. (And FYI, not all of them are. Just some. :P) Hey man, at least my favourite position isn't horizontal on the floor. (It's horizontal on the bed.)
The house warming party still hasn't been decided yet, but all who are invited will get a shout out, when we've decided to hold the thing.
Cheers! I'm gonna go load up my new bookshelf, and stay away from that bed until tonight.
Sunday, July 18, 2004
Day Three of my Vacation.
Sadly as of yet, I haven't had any time to myself.
The first three days so far have been moving, albeit with a brief hiatus to spend some time at Crystal's place for a Barbeque. I hadn't seen some of these people in years. Literally. Some of them were very good friends during highschool, some of them were Crystal's exes, and they're acquaintances.
Both Crystal and myself have a good track record for maintaining a friendship with ex bf's after we've split up.
It was phenomenal to see these people again. I hadn't seen Duffy since I graduated high school six years ago. (minus a few passing drive by's) He didn't know how to word it properly, He was worried that he would offend me. I mean how do you tell someone that has lost 120 pounds since the last time you saw them, that they aren't huge anymore? Simple.
You just tell them.
Trust me, you'll get the biggest smile on their face. I know I grinned from ear to ear, when he told me I looked absolutely amazing.
I really want some time ALONE. I am a private person, unless I'm around my partner, and I require my own space on a regular basis. It feels like my whole Vacation so far has been tugged and tossed around, really to no one's fault, but I honestly, just wanted to write, and read, and swim, go tanning, and stuff like that, where I don't have to think, just be there and relax.
Truthfully, I wanted someone in particular up here, for his vacation, to pamper the hell out of him, but a car accident prevented him from coming up here. So I decided to make due with reading, swimming, dance and archery. It's not nearly as satisfying. I'll figure it out somehow... Maybe He can come up here for my next vacation in September. Who knows. It would be nice.
Monday, was going to be Karaoke at the Roxy, by special request to Mizz Liz from me. I haven't been there in a month and a half or so. I was looking forward to it, but apparently it was cancelled for this week. (As an aside, anyone that has heard me do Karaoke, suggestions are always welcome for my song entries.)
Anyways. Enough whining.
I need to eat some food.
Ciao kids.
The first three days so far have been moving, albeit with a brief hiatus to spend some time at Crystal's place for a Barbeque. I hadn't seen some of these people in years. Literally. Some of them were very good friends during highschool, some of them were Crystal's exes, and they're acquaintances.
Both Crystal and myself have a good track record for maintaining a friendship with ex bf's after we've split up.
It was phenomenal to see these people again. I hadn't seen Duffy since I graduated high school six years ago. (minus a few passing drive by's) He didn't know how to word it properly, He was worried that he would offend me. I mean how do you tell someone that has lost 120 pounds since the last time you saw them, that they aren't huge anymore? Simple.
You just tell them.
Trust me, you'll get the biggest smile on their face. I know I grinned from ear to ear, when he told me I looked absolutely amazing.
I really want some time ALONE. I am a private person, unless I'm around my partner, and I require my own space on a regular basis. It feels like my whole Vacation so far has been tugged and tossed around, really to no one's fault, but I honestly, just wanted to write, and read, and swim, go tanning, and stuff like that, where I don't have to think, just be there and relax.
Truthfully, I wanted someone in particular up here, for his vacation, to pamper the hell out of him, but a car accident prevented him from coming up here. So I decided to make due with reading, swimming, dance and archery. It's not nearly as satisfying. I'll figure it out somehow... Maybe He can come up here for my next vacation in September. Who knows. It would be nice.
Monday, was going to be Karaoke at the Roxy, by special request to Mizz Liz from me. I haven't been there in a month and a half or so. I was looking forward to it, but apparently it was cancelled for this week. (As an aside, anyone that has heard me do Karaoke, suggestions are always welcome for my song entries.)
Anyways. Enough whining.
I need to eat some food.
Ciao kids.
Friday, July 16, 2004
Tunes and Blogging...
It's a break from moving. *grumbles* I should get back to work. The hair on the back of my head looks like a furby. Gawd.
Tunes to MOVE by. Literally...
I've been listening to a few CD's slapped into my discman tucked into my shorts while packing, moving and otherwise feeling like one of the most disorganized people on the planet. Our apartment is in total chaos, and split between two locations.
Lets put it this way. Breakfast today, consisted of a Bounty chocolate bar.
1. Much Dance 90's (2 disc set)
(MuchMusic Compilation,Various Artists, 2003, Sony Music)
Okay, okay, have I dated myself enough? Yes, yes I have. It's all the dance music hits from when I was in early highschool, but it fucking rocks. I mean, "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice?! (I can actually rap the whole damned thing. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I just know I can.) Or "Mr. Vain?!" Or "Hip Hop Hooray" by Naughty by Nature?! I have to love a song with the line, "She's as hot as a baker, 'cuz we're Naughty by Nature." Seriously! Awesome.
I mean, how dorky am I, when my cell phone ringer right now is "Bust A Move" by Young MC. (That, or "Safety Dance" by Men without Hats, or "Hey-Ya" by Outkast.)
2. Pulp Fiction Soundtrack
(Various Artists)
Old movie. Older music. Classic Motown, Funk. Gorgeous. As much personality as Quentin Tarantino puts into his character dialogue, I usually skip past the talking parts. This is the CD I first heard "Son of A Preacher" by Dusty Springfield on, about 10 years ago, that I do at Karaoke, which has earned me the title of "Mizz Motown." (That, and "Respect" by Aretha Franklin.)
3. Great Big Sea, "Up"
(Warner Music, 1995)
Good ol' Newfie tunes. Classic Canadiana. And it reminds me of my Grandpa. Fun to belt along with, Fun to bounce around the apartment to, and even more fun to drink to at the Blarney Stone.
4. Be What You Are.
(Various Artists)
A Christmas present from Devin. Some great tunes. Check out his Blog, he's got a listing of what's on there in the "Be What You Are" link. Or, just click that one right there cuz' I had to do some searching to find it.
5. Madonna, Greatest hits, Volume 2.
(Maverick Recording Company, 2001)
Mostly Madge's new stuff, but the GOOD new stuff. I'm a big Madonna fan, I blame my mother for that. Even if I can't sing "Like a Virgin" at Karaoke with a straight face. (Touched for the very first time! *Hah!* First time?! Oh, like a vir-er-er-er-gin....)
It has my all time Fave madonna song, "Music." It usually makes me ride the barstool at the club one hand gripping the seat between my thighs like a pommel, and one circling over my head with an imaginary lasso in slow motion. Yeah. It's a hot song.
6. Massive 2002
(Various Artists)
A collection of dance/trance/hip-hop/pop on one cd that I borrowed from Crystal D. Has everything on it from "Sandstorm" by Darude, to a remake of "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran but sung by a woman, some dance versions of Salsa tunes, and the song "The Summer." (I don't know who does that one, but I LOVE it.) This was the CD that we popped into her CD player in her Ford Escort Z2X, and zipped about Vancouver in two summers in a row. It Rawks.
Good songs to move by.
You can dance, you can dance. Everybody take off your pants... (And yeah, I know the lyrics arent actually that. It's just way funnier that way.)
Lets put it this way. Breakfast today, consisted of a Bounty chocolate bar.
1. Much Dance 90's (2 disc set)
(MuchMusic Compilation,Various Artists, 2003, Sony Music)
Okay, okay, have I dated myself enough? Yes, yes I have. It's all the dance music hits from when I was in early highschool, but it fucking rocks. I mean, "Ice Ice Baby" by Vanilla Ice?! (I can actually rap the whole damned thing. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I just know I can.) Or "Mr. Vain?!" Or "Hip Hop Hooray" by Naughty by Nature?! I have to love a song with the line, "She's as hot as a baker, 'cuz we're Naughty by Nature." Seriously! Awesome.
I mean, how dorky am I, when my cell phone ringer right now is "Bust A Move" by Young MC. (That, or "Safety Dance" by Men without Hats, or "Hey-Ya" by Outkast.)
2. Pulp Fiction Soundtrack
(Various Artists)
Old movie. Older music. Classic Motown, Funk. Gorgeous. As much personality as Quentin Tarantino puts into his character dialogue, I usually skip past the talking parts. This is the CD I first heard "Son of A Preacher" by Dusty Springfield on, about 10 years ago, that I do at Karaoke, which has earned me the title of "Mizz Motown." (That, and "Respect" by Aretha Franklin.)
3. Great Big Sea, "Up"
(Warner Music, 1995)
Good ol' Newfie tunes. Classic Canadiana. And it reminds me of my Grandpa. Fun to belt along with, Fun to bounce around the apartment to, and even more fun to drink to at the Blarney Stone.
4. Be What You Are.
(Various Artists)
A Christmas present from Devin. Some great tunes. Check out his Blog, he's got a listing of what's on there in the "Be What You Are" link. Or, just click that one right there cuz' I had to do some searching to find it.
5. Madonna, Greatest hits, Volume 2.
(Maverick Recording Company, 2001)
Mostly Madge's new stuff, but the GOOD new stuff. I'm a big Madonna fan, I blame my mother for that. Even if I can't sing "Like a Virgin" at Karaoke with a straight face. (Touched for the very first time! *Hah!* First time?! Oh, like a vir-er-er-er-gin....)
It has my all time Fave madonna song, "Music." It usually makes me ride the barstool at the club one hand gripping the seat between my thighs like a pommel, and one circling over my head with an imaginary lasso in slow motion. Yeah. It's a hot song.
6. Massive 2002
(Various Artists)
A collection of dance/trance/hip-hop/pop on one cd that I borrowed from Crystal D. Has everything on it from "Sandstorm" by Darude, to a remake of "Ordinary World" by Duran Duran but sung by a woman, some dance versions of Salsa tunes, and the song "The Summer." (I don't know who does that one, but I LOVE it.) This was the CD that we popped into her CD player in her Ford Escort Z2X, and zipped about Vancouver in two summers in a row. It Rawks.
Good songs to move by.
You can dance, you can dance. Everybody take off your pants... (And yeah, I know the lyrics arent actually that. It's just way funnier that way.)
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