Pain? No. Not really.

I've been getting tattoos since I was 20 years old or so. Despite the warnings that they are permanent, and the comments, "What about when your 80 years old and your skin is saggy, blah, blah, blah..."

Honestly, by the time I'm 80 years old, I'll be fat, in a Muu-muu, and no one will care if I have tattoos etched permanently on my skin, because they won't SEE them. Either that, Or dead, according to my results on www.deathclock.com.

My choice in Tattoos, being mythical lizard-like creatures, (3 dragons, and a rainbow gecko) are for my own enjoyment. They hold special meaning to me, because of the development of my character over the past few years, and the things I have done while in the process of living life and growing up.

I must confess, I got my first tattoo to piss off my first boyfriend. He was controlling, abusive and "Didn't like tattoos." I chose to stand up for myself and get one anyways. I had wanted one since I was about 12 years old.

As far as I know, I'm the ONLY person in my family with tattoos. Other than my cousin Andrew, who, when he saw me get my first shoulder blade inked up, was inspired to then get his done after seeing the process. I chose all of mine, when I walked into the parlours where I got them done, on the day I got them done.

I have only pre-planned ONE tattoo. and that is my final one, which is going to be situated either low on the centre of my neck, or high between my shoulder blades. It's the Japanese symbol for "Hope." (Kibou) It took me a long time to find this symbol, and it was the only caricature I saw fitting, other than "Love," and perhaps "Music."

For me, hope, is sometimes all I have to hold on to. It can be something crushing and misleading, and also inspiring. For someone like myself who is ruled mostly by emotions, even when I am at my worst place mentally, when the world weighs heavily upon me, hope is something that helps me through it. I usually try to see things with a light at the tunnel even though it's exceedingly difficult at times.

Life is not pleasant right now. I feel lost, in my heart. I am so FUCKED financially right now It's not even funny, and I'm feeling lost in my life in general. You'll have to pardon the lack of enthusiam in my posts, or the somewhat down tone that it portrays. I'm working on it.