Decisions, Decisions...

Well, I figured out what I'm doing for part of my three week long break in between first and second term.

The first part of my three weeks off, is going to be spent doing some consulting work for a friend who has started his own design business. The fact that he would even contemplate asking me to BE that, is flattery in and of itself.

Thanks, Chris. You're a peach.

I'm heading down to Dallas for the last week of my time off to spend my birthday and the time following it during that week with Devin. I've been debating this for a while now, and finally decided that it was better to do it NOW, than wait another year and a half. (Give or take a few months.) I'm tired of wondering what it would be like.

It's time to shit, or get off of the proverbial pot.

It's a matter of satisfying my curiosity, finding out if I've been pining over something that is worthwhile, and that I have put so much of my hope into despite the lucrative-ness (is that a word? Who cares, it works.) of the situation, and if it has a snowballs chance in hell of working out. If I believed in god, I would be prayin' right now. Hell. I'd be praying until I landed in Dallas and actually MET him.

It's more a matter of wanting to make that man SMILE. (Amidst a multitude of other things that aren't so G-rated.) He needs a good roaring belly laugh and a couple thousand orgasms.

It's also meeting someone that has garnered my unconditional love, if not as a partner, than as a very, very valued friend who has changed me for the better. He's made me realize that loving someone, isn't owning them, or just accepting them for who they are, it's a mixture of everything in between and then some.

I'll admit, I'm absolutely terrified. I'm already "what-iffing" myself to death as I'm prone to do, wondering if he'll find me attractive, wondering if I can make him smile, laugh that belly laugh, and see that love, comes in so many different forms it's ridiculous. (Even if it is in the form of playful, emotional, neurotic Moi.)

I know some of my friends will worry for me. Let me find out for myself. If I'm wrong, it's something I need to learn, my darlings. Everything has the possibility of ending up in hurt.

I know that they worry already, because I've invested so much of my heart into him.

However, I'm going to stick to the old adage, that if you love something/someone, let them go. If they come back to you, then you know it's real love. We'll see if he chooses to visit me after I've seen him.

Cross your fingers/toes/legs/arms/eyes, kids. I know I am. (Well, I am in my mind.)

Love always,

Elle.