I've allowed myself to fall in love. Not with a person. Though, I love many people; but with the English language... And I have blogging to blame for it. I've pissed people off, made people laugh, and made people think. (Or at least I HOPE I've made them think.) Apparently I've inspired people to write blogs of their own, which is highly flattering, and I really hope that they continue to hone their love affair with the English language. I've ranted, and raved, gibbered like an idiot, waxed eloquent about my passions, including men, (one in particular) music, art, mac computers, and as a new development this past 6 months (Holy hannah! Six months already?!?!) Design.
You've seen my writing ability change, boiling down into the essence of me. Don't be fooled. I can't write like anyone else anymore in here. Everything you read is me now. You've seen GSD transform itself from the scroll background, into the ever changing shape it is today, with my piddling attempts in HTML coding, and the stuff I've been working on in my spare (hah!) time. You'll see it change more in the future. You might even see it move to a new URL. Most likely at the end of August.
GSD has branched off into many things for me, including the GSD Radio Podcast, the naming of my iPod into the Glamazon shoe discotheque, and even going so far as to contemplate naming my own freelance design "Glamazon Shoe Design" This is still being debated in my head. This might be considered obsession, but to be honest, this is the virtual playground for my thoughts, my ideas and romanticized notions. Or at least the ones I let other people know about. I'm going to give this creative monster of mine some freedom.
I've been contemplating... About stopping writing in here after my year is finished. The only reasons are for the times that I piss people off, the times that I get obsessive individuals threatening me, or ranting anonymous hatred in public forums. It's stuff like this where you realize that some people online, don't have that... Sense of maturity, I guess, for lack of a better term, (This is a hard post for me to write...) that enables them to see that anyone has the right to voice an opinion. I've been threatened by a select few BDSM members in the area with physical violence, including rape. I've been eviscerated in a public message board, not upon my writing, but upon my physical characteristics for having an opinion on music that they disagree with, and it's disheartening. It makes me wonder why I bother to write an opinion that is going to cause so much ire with other people. I do shy away from confrontation whenever given the choice, but will also defend myself if need be in whatever method possible.
I still get Grant DePatie's mum posting comments on here, on random entries, and oh my god, it hurts my heart to read them. I cry when she comments and I read it on my haloscan comments page. She's so angry, she misses him so badly, and she feels so alone. It brings tears to my eyes, and makes me regret having written my opinion piece, and I wish she wouldn't comment, when this place is my refuge to write. However, I wrote the piece, so I'll face the consequence of her writing her devoted, sad comments for the son who she's lost in here every month or so. I've lost a very dear friend, and the only way I could think of honoring his memory was to write about him. I still think I see him on the streets at least once a week. I've had my own emotional disasters, that have seen me hunched over the keyboard, eyes sore from crying, and fingers tapping away furiously at the keys, writing my pitiful little heart out. Sometimes directly, sometimes the words are phrased in a way that isn't so obvious. *This* is my solace at times. *This* is where I choose to pour my heart out when I'm distressed or overjoyed, worried, and a myriad of other emotions, at least for the matters I feel like discussing. To have people threaten that... Well, it's a little depressing.
I don't think I will stop writing, but perhaps, this was just an experiment for me in my head. Perhaps, it comes to a point where at times, I'm sick of doing this. I never expected it to take up so much of my time. However, the fact remains, I could no more stop writing than eating chocolate. (How's THAT for an analogy!!) Apart from those few negative things, I've also had some fabulous encounters, "met" some wonderful people, created friendships and relationships outside of my normal sphere of influence and social activity, and read some fantastic, talented writers, who are inspiring to me. You've learned that I'm a night owl, and boy howdy, is that ever the truth. I think best during the evening and late into the night, as is exampled by my 5 am posts.
I have a mad flirtation fest with my commenters, and I hope they enjoy it as much as I do. It always makes me laugh, and flirtation keeps everyone young, regardless of gender, age or race. I've given a large group of people a little dip into my psyche, and let you see who the real me is. All I can say is sometimes it's deeper than you think it is. You read about my recent adventures to Dallas, and subsequent meeting of Devin, and part (not all) of what that entailed. My posts here were more to reassure my friends that I was alive and kicking in the DFW area, more than anything else, and the fact that I'm not ashamed to express my love from the tops of mountains. I still love that man madly. I always have, no matter how mad I've gotten at him.
And I've posted that, too. *smiles* Such is life.
I spend up to 7 hours a night doing homework now, and I'm amazed any of you stick around to hear about parts of it. Some of my entries are funny based purely upon sleep deprivation, and a slight tinge of homework induced madness. You spend 18 hours a day chained up to a computer, and a trip to Starbucks seems like a vacation to Honolulu. Seriously. So if you ever wonder about my passionate love affair with a Venti, Extra-sweet, (7 pump), extra foamy Vanilla Latte, (I can order those in my sleep, dammit.) There, darlings, is your answer. That hour spent with my girlfriend sitting on the balcony at the local FuttBuckers, is what keeps me somewhat sane, and the caffeine keeps me awake until the time I actually finish my homework for the night. Or wee hours of the morning, depending.
All of this being said, none of this would mean a damned thing unless you guys came around to read it. Thank-you. Hopefully I keep on entertaining you guys with my boring life, couched in exciting words. You give me reasons to smile, and a reason to write.
I love you all.
*kisses*
"Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright, it's not the end."
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