"Hey Linds, I've Got A Question For You."

Me: "Yeah, what's up Allan?"
Allan: "Can you turn me into a Metrosexual?"
Me: *Brief pause on my end of the phone.* "I thought you liked chicks already, Allan?"
Allan: "No, no, no... I mean yeah! I do like chicks, but..."
Me: "I'm teasing. I can help you, but I've got one question. Why? What's wrong with you now that brings about this sudden desire to look different?" (Okay, it was two questions, sue me.)
Allan: "I wanna be one of those guys that makes girls turn their heads and think 'Wow, he looks like a somebody.'"
Me: "Jesus, you already ARE a somebody, Allan, but I know what you mean. Sure I can help you. What's your approximate spending allowance?"
Allan: "Oh, I dunno. I'm thinking around a grand?"
Me: *Glee at the thought of spending a grand on clothes, even if they aren't for me.* "Wow, you want me to help you spend a grand buying clothes?"
Allen: "Clothes... like jeans, shirts and stuff, (Sweet jesus! Can I have that man!?) plus some shoes, and I really want a leather jacket."
Me: *Ideas of where to go, and what to get running through my head at light speed.* "That's do-able. Why me?"
Allan: "Because you know what a nicely dressed man looks like. You've dated like what? A hundred of them?"
Me: "Hey, hey, hey! Play nice, or I'll make you wear something puse green..."(Fuck, that's one ugly purse.)

That's a small segment of the conversation I had with my friend Allan a few months ago, when he asked me to turn him into a "Metrosexual". Now, Allan is a nice looking fella. He dated one of my best friends for a little over a year and we're pretty close. (Not in that sense.) Yeah, his wardrobe could use a tune up. It's all fine and dandy to wear khaki's and polo shirts, but not every day for the past six years. It's a veritable uniform for him. So on Sunday, I'm dragging him around the mall, and playing dress up with him. The best part of spending a grand dressing up a friend to make him look sharp? I get paid to do it. Nice. I'm going to try to con him into buying some cologne too, since every girl, regardless of race, religion or creed, LOVES a man that smells yummy. (Unless they have that unfortunate allergy to scents.) Maybe some Dolce and Gabanna for Men.

You have to understand, it doesn't matter to ME what he dresses like. I appreciate Allan exactly the way he is, in khaki's and a polo shirt, or dressed in Diesel jeans and Prada athletic shoes. I'm not a fashion snob, and I certainly can't afford to waltz around carrying one of those godawful Louis Vuitton purses that is the rage at the moment, that is too small to hold my cell phone, my cigarettes and my wallet at one time. I would never criticize the way he dresses, since he's comfortable.

However, that being said, I can totally sympathize with wanting to be more attractive to the opposite sex, and being female, I'm often stuck in a situation where I'm wondering if I look bad in something I'm wearing. Fashion is so short lived that it recreates itself every 60 days. I'm going to try to pick items that are relatively timeless, so that he can wear them for a while and not look like a dud, so to speak. Hence my dislike of the reemergence of things like legwarmers and teased bangs, a horrible flashback to the 80s that should have never been revisited. It was as much a flash in the pan this time around, as it was the last time.

Some days, I lead an interesting life.