Our Perfect Companions Never Have Fewer Than Four Feet.

Today, Cliff and I stopped by my parents house to pick up a few Christmas presents from my Dad's side of the family, because I had to work on Boxing day, and missed visiting with them that day.

My mom was sitting in the living room next to the cat post, where my cat, Bob sat on his haunches, looking rather despondant and not even lifting his head up when I scratched behind his ears.

"He hasn't eaten in two days." She said.

I looked at my cat, who did look rather weak and gaunt. I slid my hand from the tip of his nose to the base of his spine, scratching him above the tail where he usually loves being scratched, and got very little response. He didn't even lift his head.

"I think he's going to go in a few days."

"Oh."

I continued to pet my cat, gently. Feeling his spine through his skin, and I didn't know what to think. Cliff was waiting in the car. I shouldn't stay long. I told my cat I loved him, a few times, actually... Grabbed my stuff off the chair, kissed my mom goodbye, and then left.

It's hard to know that my cat is going to die.

I didn't take him when I moved because my apartment building didn't allow cats, and truth be told, my dad loved him so much that I didn't have the heart to take him away. The damned cat waited at the door for my dad like a puppy when it was time for him to get home from work. I might have picked him out of the box of kittens 14 years ago, but it was my Dad who got most his affection.That's okay, though. Dad earned it.

Bob still came up to me for pets and cuddles occasionally. He came when he required a lift up to the window sill, or a scratch at the base of his tail, or help reaching a rabbit fur mouse he'd batted too far under the couch to reach with a paw, or when I'd had a rough time with a relationship and needed a curled up friend in my lap, he was there.

I got in the car, and Cliff asked me what I wanted for dinner. I just started crying.

I'll miss my cat, when he goes.

We tie bright ribbons around their necks, and occasionally little tinkling bells, and we affect to think that they are as sweet and vapid as the coy name "kitty" by which we call them would imply. It is a curious illusion. For purring beside our fireplaces and pattering along our back fences, we have got a wild beast as uncowed and uncorrupted as any under heaven.

– Alan Devoe

The Coolest...

Link ever. It's called "dreamlines".

For artsy fartsy people like me, this shit is the neatest. Try more typical keywords, like "sunset", "love" or "ocean".

It's very clever, and a very unique, beautiful concept.

Cum on, folks!

Oh, Oh... Ohhhh, Oh, yes! Yes! Don't stop! Reading, that is.

Just to spread awareness, today, December 22nd, 2006 is International "Global Orgasm Day".

What, you don't believe me? Think I'm full of crap? Think I'm making up *excuses* to cum? (Like I needed an excuse...)

Well... Check it out for yourself. (Though, the link is most likely NSFW, what with being discussing cumming and whatnot.)

I'd just like to say that I've done my part with a little help from a willing boyfriend who thoroughly enjoyed his participation, in contributing to "effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible surge of human energy a Synchronized Global Orgasm."

I've participated twice, and may yet participate again for this worthy cause before the night is up.

Now now. Don't be shy. *winks*

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Linds
Birthday:	May 1st, 1980
Birthplace:	Burnaby, B.C.
Current Location:	Surrey, B.C.
Eye Color:	Brown
Hair Color:	Brown
Height:	Five Nine
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Left
Your Heritage:	French Canadian and English
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Nikes
Your Weakness:	Chocolate, Sweet, Honest men.
Your Fears:	Loneliness.
Your Perfect Pizza:	Ham, Pineapple, Mushroom and Double Cheese. Oh Yeah.
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	The year is almost over. I'll say next year is advancing myself personally and emotionally.
Your Most Overused Phrase:	Fuck.
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Fuck.
Your Best Physical Feature:	Eyes, lips, Face, Legs.
Your Bedtime:	11pm, usually.
Your Most Missed Memory:	Aiden, my best bud in elementary school
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke.
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Mickey D's.
Single or Group Dates:	Single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Lipton
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Cappuccino
Do you Smoke:	Yes.
Do you Swear:	Yes.
Do you Sing:	Yes.
Do you Shower Daily:	Yes.
Have you Been in Love:	Yes.
Do you want to go to College:	Already did. It costs a lot.
Do you want to get Married:	Yes.
Do you belive in yourself:	Most of the time, yep.
Do you get Motion Sickness:	No, not usually, to my recollection
Do you think you are Attractive:	Most of the time, yep.
Are you a Health Freak:	No.
Do you get along with your Parents:	Yup!
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Yes, I like to walk in them too.
Do you play an Instrument:	In order of skill: Skin flute, Guitar.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	No.
In the past month have you Smoked:	Yes.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	No.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	Yes. I work in one, at the moment.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	No.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Yes.
In the past month have you been on Stage:	No... I don't think so.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Nopers.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	No.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Nope.
Ever been Drunk:	Uh... yes.
Ever been called a Tease:	Yes.
Ever been Beaten up:	No.
Ever Shoplifted:	Yes, when I was young and stupid.
How do you want to Die:	I don't like thinking about that. Preferably very old, and sleeping.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	A Grown up!
What country would you most like to Visit:	Austrailia, Russia, new Zealand, Italy.
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Blue, Brown, or Green
Favourite Hair Color:	Brown. The world needs more brunette men.
Short or Long Hair:	Short. I like the back of a man's neck.
Height:	taller than me.
Weight:	irrelevant.
Best Clothing Style:	doesn't matter. Jeans, or a suit. Or anything in between.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	1? How is this related to the person I'm "looking" for?
Number of CDs I own:	Many. they threaten to smother me in my sleep. at last count in iTunes... 719. Not all of them are imported on my Computer, though.
Number of Piercings:	9
Number of Tattoos:	9
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	Many. I'm neurotic, though.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

a Brief...

Note, that the 2006 compilation *will* be up sometime, probably on Friday, when I actually have time to think, or breathe. Or do anything that requires doing anything that isn't involved with work.

Yes... I'm... I mean... *it's* coming.


Loves ya!

Mmm! Tastier!

I just recieved a package via Canada Post in the mail from my dear friend Sean! The contents being one handwritten letter, and one ENORMOUS bag of lindt mixed truffles. Whoooooooooo hah!!

Thanks Seanners! I'll put these chocolates to very good use!!

XXOO

Linds

Mmmm.... Tasty!

Dinner tonight was gooooood... Lazy man's dinner. Who made it? I did, of course. Maybe that should be Lazy woman's dinner, then.

Linds' Tuna Casserole

Ingredients:

1/3 bag of penne rigate noodles

2 cans of chunk tuna, drained

2 cans of mushroom soup

1 can of creamed corn

1/4 cup of parmesean cheese

1-2 tablespoon(s) of freshly ground black or tricoloured pepper (depending on how much bite you want to it.)

Optional:

1 small bag of plain potato chips.

Directions:

Bring water to a boil in a large cooking pot, toss in noodles and salt water.
Boil noodles until Al Dente, and drain in a large colander, toss noodles back into pot.
Add all canned ingredients, and mix thoroughly.
Add in Parmesean cheese and pepper and mix.

If you want, place entire mixture into a baking pan, and cover with crumbled plain potato chips, baking at 350 degrees for 15-25 minutes until the top of the dish is golden brown.

Serves 4, (Or half a plate for Linds, and three (rather enormous) helpings for Cliff. I honestly couldn't tell you where he keeps it all.)

Matchmaker, matchmaker...

Though, I've already found my match. What the hell. Give it a try.

Do you Match Me?

Take My MatchMe Test

Brought to you by:
OkCupid - Free Online Dating!

Friday Five...

1. What do you wear to bed?

Skin.

2. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

I sleep on the left side of the bed. When Cliff leaves for work at quarter to five in the morning, I sort of sprawl diagonally, corner to corner, for maximum sleep satisfaction.

3. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

Nope, but I often find myself cuddling one of my many pillows if I end up sleeping in late. I'm not one for "stuffed animals".

4. Blanket/bed hog?

I, most definitely am NOT a blanket hog. My cuddly bedmate, however... *grumbles* Let's just say the phrase "One good turn gets all the blankets" is VERY apt. As for the classification "Bed Hog".... Weeeellllll... I think I may be guilty of that on occasion...

The Man: Hey, can I have some of the bed?

Me: There's heaps of room right HERE! *indicates space between him and myself*

The Man: There's tons of room on the other side of you, too. I'm hanging on by a cheek, here.

Me: Gah! Fine... Here!

5. Do you make your bed everyday?

I never used to give two shits about making my bed, but since I got my kickass medieval captain's bedframe, I've realized how very nice a freshly made bed looks, and how much LESS effort it takes to just collapse on the bed after a long day at work, instead of having to push aside craploads of blankets. My Grandmother should be proud.

We Are What They Want Us To Be... In The End.

Okay. I was doing a little thinking. Dangerous, I know.

It's hard to phrase the right way, But I think in each relationship we are in with whoever we are with, we change to suit them.

Not extreme measures, mind you, or at least not ME changing in extreme measures, or even my boyfriend doing so, but we seem to slightly change to better suit our partners preferences.

Ugh, this is all coming out *wrong*. It sounds like I mean that we turn into Stepford wives/husbands. Let's phrase this another way.

Over the years, I've grown from being rather domineering, prudish, and advantageous individual, into someone who is usually very sweet tempered (most of the time), pretty giggly (but not ditzy), relatively easy-going, devoted and fairly honest. (Hey, little white lies never killed anyone, did they?) I'm also sensitive and pretty empathic to other's needs and desires.
I'm still direct when I've got something to say, I'm still determined and loud and energetic...

With Erik I was little miss intelligentsia. That's not to say that I'm NOT intelligent anymore, it was just a focus on our relationship. Erik is a brilliant man. I had to keep up. I also partied harder with Erik than I did in any other relationship. During that 6 month long stint, I spent more money on alcohol and accoutrement than I have in the last 4 years prior to it combined.

When I was "with" Devin... Ergh... I was (too) empathic, too accepting, and too generous with my emotions and time.

And with Cliff, I'm turning into what could be the perfect little housewife, when I'm not working my 52 hours a week.

Shocking, isn't it?

I cook, clean, and quite willingly contemplate having his babies. I imagine sitting next to him in a rocking chair 40 years down the road. I spend 98 percent of my time off work, with him, (though, oftentimes in completely different rooms, doing different things) I fall asleep at eleven pm, after reading my novel and chatting with him for about an hour prior to sleep. I'm so sweet it could make your teeth rot, (and it's wholeheartedly genuine!) I (mutually) spoil him with affection, I ask him how his day was at the end of the day...

It's all pretty foreign to me. But it's so very cool.

So my questions are these:

1.) "When did I grow up behind my back?"

2.) "When's this whole crazy, fantastic life going to come crashing down around me?"

Hungry Yet?

1. How do you deal with stress?

It depends on how much stress there is around me. Usually it is handled well up to a point and then I snap, lose it, yell (or sometimes not, depending on the situation) and then end the whole thing crying.

2. Do you have a favorite "comfort food" and what is it?

Macaroni and Cheese, Toast with butter and strawberry Jam, and obviously, chocolate.

3. Do you have a "comfort activity" and what is it?

Reading a book or sleeping.

4. What days depress you and why?

Typically, I'm depressed but more because of exhaustion on Christmas Eve. I often find myself near (or in) tears on the 24th of December on the way home. Retail (and previous to that, working in a bakery) is exhaustingly busy work, with snarky, rude and frustrated people buying last minute objects/goods, and the typical feeling of running around like a maniac trying to get everything they need together for them, and then knowing that you have to run around to visit various family members on Christmas Day. I usually never end up staying at home on Christmas eve, I end up going to my parents, or, this year, going to Cliff's sister and brother-in-law's place. I'm almost worried because of how the last few years have been.

5. What days excite you and why?

Halloween, for sure. I love seeing kids excited and dressed up in cute costumes. Not so much for the adults because Halloween gives men the excuse to dress up like women, and women the excuse to dress like sluts. Christmas because I get to see the reactions of my loved ones and friends when they open the presents that I've thoughtfully purchased and wrapped all fancy-like.

6. Given a choice, and imagining that money and time were no object, would you rather cook dinner, eat out or order in?

There's something ultimately satisfying in cooking a luxury meal for yourself and company. I'd buy gourmet ingredients and spend a good hour and a half laughing and preparing the food with someone. There's also the joy of spoiling someone else.

7. What is the most elaborate meal you've ever prepared yourself or purchased at a restaurant?

I've made two meals that I'm very proud of, that stand out the most of all of my cooking, both of them for other people. and both were simple and fun to make. (As long as I did all the prep beforehand.)

The first was garlic butter sauteed tiger prawns, a wild baby greens salad with crumbled feta cheese and italian vinagrette dressing, 2 AAA centre cut steaks, sauteed onion and mushrooms, mixed corn and baby snap peas, red wine and then with homemade cheesecake drizzled with strawberry coulee and real whipping cream for dessert. Pure decadance.

The other meal was sweet ginger garlic stir fry, with cubed chicken breasts, sauteed in virgin olive oil and rosemary, with snap peas, carrots, corn, red, orange and green diced bell peppers, onion, 6 cloves of garlic, a generous amount of fresh ground pepper, and ground kosher salt. I served it on a bed of steamed white rice. Dessert was... Well... I won't get into that.

8. What food do you find yourself making and/or eating way too much?

Cliff has proven to me that when I thought I had an addiction to chocolate, it was nothing compared to him. I've never met someone where chocolate had to be eaten at least once every day. I think I'm madly; hopelessly in love.

9. What was your most disastrous cooking/eating out experience?

Would it be a cop out to say that I have never really had a bad cooking experience other than over cooking rice or noodles, or perhaps not cooking things for long enough? (usually cassaroles)

I can remember a time when one of my roommates decided to make hot wings and the smell of it cooking under the broiler was awful. It made my landlady gag, and she had no problem coming downstairs to tell us that it smelled like we were baking vomit in the oven. I think it was the orange juice mixed with cayenne pepper sauce that put it over the edge. Whoever the fuck wrote that recipe should be shot.

10. Would you rather cook for someone else or have them cook for you?

I love, Love, LOVE cooking for someone special.

11. What was the last thing that you ate?

Pizza. It was breakfast, at eight thirty am before I decided to crawl back into bed and die for another six hours. I'm not feeling well.

12. Who was the last person you shared a meal with?

Cliff. We camped out and ate pizza in the bedroom laughing and goofing around until we "played Yahtzee" and fell asleep exhausted. Yeah, that's it, Yahtzee.

13. What is your favorite all time dish (recipes welcome)?

My Auntie Marina made this dish, and I swear to god, it was all flavour. I think it was just Chicken breasts baked in mozzarella and spices. Oh god was it amazing. thinking about it is making my mouth water. I've never asked her for the recipe, I so should. I think it's just the fact that there was probably an entire huge block of mozza in there that made my taste buds freak out.

14. If you could eat one thing for an entire year, what would it be?

Cliff says "pussy". Uhm... I... Uh... Gotta go. See ya. *winks*

Grrr..

I've lost my glasses somewhere in the house and can't see them to find them.

Is that irony? All I know is it's annoying.

I guess it's back to sleep for me. Cliff's home at five thirty or so, and his eyes work just fine.

It's because of days like this, I seriously fucking contemplate lasik eye surgery.

yoinked from myself... Again. God I'm lame.

I AM: Happy with who I am with, and where I am living. Anticipatory.
I WANT: Resolution.
I WISH: I'd turned the light off in the living room. Dammit.
I HATE: Being sick.
I MISS: Some of my friends. I've been too busy.
I HEAR: The sound of my boyfriend snoring lightly (sometimes) as he sleeps with his head on my shoulder... So I can't get up to turn the light off in the living room.
I WONDER: A lot of things. If I am what I think I might be and what it will do for my life.
I REGRET: At the moment, not much.
I AM NOT: Perfect. Though I'm damned near close.
I DANCE: Like a dork.
I SING: When I'm happy.
I CRY: Not as often as I used to.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: Patient.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: A veritable voluminous volley of vowels. Damn you, V for Vendetta.
I WRITE: Stories that make people feel things. Happy, sad, giggly, jiggly, nerdy...
I CONFUSE: My letters sometimes when I write by hand. I'm always thinking a few letters ahead and my damned handwriting can't keep up.
I NEED: ANOTHER RAISE!
I SHOULD: Do the laundry.
I START: With the mere push of a "button".
I FINISH: Shaking and gasping.

Good Evening Ladies and Germs...

How are you guys doing?

I'm doing great. Tired, ill, a little cranky, but on the whole, very, very good.

I've been working upwards of 52 hours a week now that the holiday hours are in full swing, and training craploads of brand new employees. It's kind of fun, and very exhausting. All of my new trainees are between the ages of 17 and 21, so I've got hordes of little man-geeks in training to manipulate as I see fit. It's kind of like babysitting and nerd school at the same time. Does that make me the Head honcho Geek? Threats of spanking for bad behaviour seem to go across quite nicely and end up with appropriate results.

my Man-Geeks-in-training keep on telling me that I'm too serious, though. Me? Serious? I just don't encourage the pranks between staff ("I don't care if you do it, I just DON'T want to know! Ignorance is my protection! Oh, and don't fuck with me.") I don't encourage the flight of miniature helicopters through the mall, because I don't want to get screamed at by Mall Admin. This just seems logical.


Typical conversation with my employees consist of shit like this:

Me: "What are you guys doing?"

Man-Geek-in-Training #1: "Downloading some stuff."

Me: "What are you downloading?"

MGiT#1: "remixes of music from Final Fantasy."

Me: *rolling eyes to heaven, stifling laugh* "God, you guys are such NERDS! Cute, but WOW... Nerdy." *walks towards store exit* "Oh, and get a girlfriend!"

I seem to be getting more and more tasks tossed onto my list of 'stuff to do at work', and I know for sure I'm going to appreciate my vacation when I take one.

I'm getting into month number two of living with my boyfriend, Cliff, and things are going quite well. He was pampering me today, while I wheezed and whined and doped myself up with as few as possible painkillers on the couch. We've only had one argument in the past 2.5 months, based upon miscommunication, due to the fact that last night I was owly and grouchy, because I felt like poo, and seemed to be taking it out on him when really I wasn't. Whoops. Other than that, it's a few minor squabbles and smooth sailing. This is good.

My nephew decided to share his strep-throat with me, masked in kisses and "I love you, Auntie Lynn"'s. Unfortunately, I can't attribute malice to a seven year old who gives me kisses and loves whilst infecting me with streptococcus. The cute little bugger.

My Year end compilation will be posted up sometime between the 15th-20th of this month, as a Christmas present to my friends, near and far. It's 23 (roughly) tracks of high-bitrate, mp3 music-y goodness, from stuff I've not been able to get enough of this past 12 months. Save about 170 megs of space on your hard drive, kids!!

Depending on the situation (more on that, potentially, in a later post, further on in the month...) The cover has been completed, (though constantly under revision due to my own picky tendencies) and I've been doing a lot of design work for some pretty constant clients over the past few weeks as well.

Oh, and because I suck, and couldn't manage to remember to wish people a happy birthday ON their birthdays, despite constantly reminding myself, A happy belated Birthday to Miss Melissa, A happy birthday to Miss Jerilyn, and a happy early Birthday to Miss Elizabeth.

Okay. It's time for bed. I'm bagged.

Kisses!

L.

Feet Hurt...

So bad.

I just did the longest feeling 12 hour shift in the goddamned universe. I swear it NEVER WANTED TO END.

That is all...

/rant

*GASP!* No Title?!

Hee...

Genial Geek Amusement For the Day..

You can make your own dynamic images at www.hetemeel.com

Snow Snow, Snow....

And I avoided it all last night by curling up with my man, with the gas furnace on full blast, and bags full of fuzzy peach candies, chocolate (dark gourmet for me, white gourmet for him), Hot cocoa, and smokiedogs.

Oh yes. Life is good.

Weirdest comment from someone I know sort of well ever...

I went for coffee early in the evening, last night with Crystal, and on the way through browsing London Drugs, we ran into someone that works in an adjacent store to mine in the mall.

Someone that had been on one or two impromptu dates with Cliff in the past, (which doesn't bother me one bit) and is pretty happy that he has found someone who appreciates him.

She asks what I'm doing there, I introduce my girlfriend, say that we're out for coffee and to do some pre-Xmas window shopping. With her is her sister, and her 7 month old niece, who I've had the priviledge of cuddling.

What can I say, I've got babies on the brain the last six months (Okay, a year.). Cut me some slack.

She looks at her neice, and says "Okay, let's go find 'Cars', and see if it's any less expensive here. That sounds like a PREGNANT idea." while looking directly at me.

Baffled, I look at Crystal after she's left and go, "Did she just say that sounded like a "Pregnant" idea, or am I hearing things?"

Crystal: "No. She said that... It was weird."

Me: "That's waaaayyy too weird. I wonder where that came from?"

Mazel, Mazel!!

I've just been informed that I will be an Auntie (again) come August 2007.

Yay!!

For All My American Friends Out There...

Happy American Thanksgiving...


You know, us Canadians are ahead of the times...

We had ours last month.

*kisses!*

Linds.

Is It Still The Honeymoon Phase?

Because I honestly couldn't be happier.

I know. I know. Fantastic relationships make poor humourous blog fodder. You always seem to smirk when I write scathing commentary about people/things with my ascerbic, sharp wit.

But I think I earned a bit of happiness, with a decent man that listens to me, and accepts me, laughs at how dorky I can be, COMMUNICATES, and tolerates the fact that I'm at work approximately 60 hours a week instead of spending my time with him.

Christmas is coming up. I expect that to be half again more work. *sighs*

I went out last night and introduced Cliff to Elizabeth, and I think he passed the grade. Regardless if he did or didn't, I'd still keep him.

Mine.

This is the first actual weekend off that I've had in a couple of months, and I realize how incredibly much I needed it. Two days to spend with the people I love and doing the things I want to do. Wowzers.

I purchased a few Christmas presents this week, getting that arduous task underway is something that I usually don't enjoy... Correction, I LOVE buying stuff for people that they find totally personal and unique, it's just the atmosphere of "mall" at the start of the Christmas season that I don't like. I spend too much damned time in the mall as it stands, anyways.

Cliff and I plan to put up the tree and decorations next weekend... sometime. This will be the first holiday season I'll spend with a signifigant other since when I was dating my first boyfriend. I think I'll feel much more comfortable and loved with THIS boyfriend. We've agreed that we're visiting my family in the morning on Christmas day, and then going over to his sister's for dinner so I can meet the rest of his family.

I've got a few design jobs as well as my day job happening right now, some completed and some not so completed, one being a finished logo for an adult playspace, which looks pretty neat, if I say so myself, and my client is quite happy. A few photos that need to be touched up, (always nice for some extra cash) and a photo session with a friend of mine.

Glamour shots of myself from my professional photographer friend and co-worker, Heather, are scheduled sometime after christmas, and should be a blast on her big sexy red bed. Hell, if you guys are lucky, I might even post one or two tamer photos.

Might.

So tell me, what's new with you?

See, Speak, Hear. No Evil.

see, speak, hear.
Originally uploaded by Miss Linds.

A new addition to my collection, courtesy of Cliff.

I collect statues of The Chinese Buddha. Am I a Buddhist? No. I'm not really religious at all. So, the question remains, why do I collect them? Because Buddha is the only religious icon that is actually smiling... Plus he's fat and happy. There's something to be said about being fat, and happy with yourself, and still having the ability to find spiritual Nirvana and peace in yourself, no matter what you look like on the outside.

The other buddha he's given me, not pictured here, is a Kama Sutra buddha, with a lovely scene from the book carved into the bottom of a very rotund, (shall we say, Rubenesque...) Buddha.

Cliff, Chilling on the bed.

newest cliff pic
Originally uploaded by Miss Linds.

Giving me a cheesy grin.

Yum.

Oh Lord...

He's so wholly gorgeous in his exhausted sleep on our bed that I'm dying to tell someone. It almost begs to be photographed, with the play of light on his skin and muscles in his shoulders. I don't because I don't want to risk accidentally waking him.

I lay next to him, and just simply look at him. Long, and lean and soft lightly freckled pale skin over lean muscle. Dark hair with a touch of grey at the temples, and full, amazing lips.

He treats me so well, he cares for me so much, he teases me and jokes with me the same way I joke with him...

*sighs*


And he's all mine.

These are the moments that make any relationship worth any risk, when you can watch your lover sleep so soundly next to you.

But We're Ladies!!

But We're Ladies!!
Originally uploaded by Miss Linds.

Elizabeth spoiled me near the end of september by taking me out to go see Margaret Cho at the Orpheum theatre in Downtown Vancouver.

I had a fantastic time, and I think we both looked pretty smoking hot.

I don't think I took the opportunity to thank her like she should have been for such an enjoyable night out with such fantastic company, and lately I've been so busy that I haven't had the energy to do so.

So once again, Thank you, Miss Liz. I really appreciate you being my friend, even if I'm not around to show it as often as I should.

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the Questioner Thanks for taking the test !

you chose CY - your Enneagram type is SIX. "I am affectionate and skeptical" Questioners are responsible, trustworthy, and value loyalty to family, friends, groups, and causes. Their personalities range broadly from reserved and timid to outspoken and confrontative. How to Get Along with Me Be direct and clear. Listen to me carefully. Don't judge me for my anxiety. Work things through with me. Reassure me that everything is OK between us. Laugh and make jokes with me. Gently push me toward new experiences. Try not to overreact to my overreacting. What I Like About Being a Six being committed and faithful to family and friends being responsible and hardworking being compassionate toward others having intellect and wit being a nonconformist confronting danger bravely being direct and assertive What's Hard About Being a Six the constant push and pull involved in trying to make up my mind procrastinating because of fear of failure; having little confidence in myself fearing being abandoned or taken advantage of exhausting myself by worrying and scanning for danger wishing I had a rule book at work so I could do everything right being too critical of myself when I haven't lived up to my expectations Sixes as Children Often are friendly, likable, and dependable, and/or sarcastic, bossy, and stubborn are anxious and hypervigilant; anticipate danger form a team of "us against them" with a best friend or parent look to groups or authorities to protect them and/or question authority and rebel are neglected or abused, come from unpredictable or alcoholic families, and/or take on the fearfulness of an overly anxious parent Sixes as Parents are often loving, nurturing, and have a strong sense of duty are sometimes reluctant to give their children independence worry more than most that their children will get hurt sometimes have trouble saying no and setting boundaries Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele The Enneagram Made Easy Discover the 9 Types of People Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages you wanna know MORE? so check out, what Wikipedia says about your type... ...even more you'll find in Google Would you rather have chosen: AY (EIGHT) BY (FOUR) CX (TWO) CZ (ONE)

My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on ABC You scored higher than 42% on X

Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Oh, My Aching Back...

Eons and eons since I've posted, but I have a good excuse.

I've been busy.

Hell, I haven't even visited with my friends lately. I passed up the opportunity to go out to two separate birthday parties (Sorry Mark and Patrick!) because of my grueling work schedule... Today is the first day off after an eight day bender running around like a maniac. I've been moving my stuff into my boyfriend's apartment the weekend prior to Hallowe'en. I know... It's a bit fast, and both he and I feel the same way about it, but hey, I was getting to the end of my rope, and my hands were slippery, and I seem to have found a male that actually appreciates me and wants me around.

Speaking of Hallowe'en... I had the most massive sugar hangover in the universe which required me doing extreme measures of "hair of the dog" the following day with the purchase of a Coca Cola and two Aero bars to ease the pressure in my head.

Or maybe it was just another excuse to eat chocolate.

I'm now "Sales Floor Manager" as well as "Assistant Manager" so my workload has doubled. I think I'm handling it with aplomb, however, I'm really really damned tired at night now.

This is the first day off I've had to sit down and WRITE something. Christ, it's even hard to read without ending up reading through osmosis via my face, I get so tired at night. Bed times have changed from 1 am, to 9 pm, if I'm lucky.

Actually, I think I'm going to go and crawl back into bed, and catch up on the sleep that I've been missing.

Long Time Gone...

I know, I know. I've been busy, Okay?

Look mom, I'm sorry I haven't written in a week. Things just sort of popped up, and now I've finally gotten the free time.

Like what? Well, let's see. I got a promotion at work, after working for minimum wage for almost 11 months, I'm finally classified assistant manager, making assistant pay, instead of doing all the tasks and making sales associate wages.

My District manager gave me a bunch of compliments which was so flattering and really nice. He said I was more than intelligent enough to have a store to myself in approximately mid-2007. Yeah. I'm excited. It's a lot of pressure but I think I'll be able to manage it.

Yeah, actually, I have been seeing someone. I've been dating a man named Cliff, going on a month now.

Yeah, you'd like him. He's a real nice guy. Yeah, he's got a good job, and a good heart. Plus he can cook like nobodies business... I'm actually eating vegetables on a regular basis now. You'd be proud of me.

Yeah, he's handsome. All lanky and tall with dark hair and blue-blue-blue eyes. He's got a lot of character to his face, and great smile lines around his eyes. He does flytying, for a hobby, just like grandpa did. He's pretty good at it, too. He loves fishing.

He's a bit older than I am...

Yeah, older. Is that a problem?

What do you mean no comment? You've always got an opinion. I had to learn it from somebody, right? Bah, whatever.

Of course I'm happy. He treats me really well. I feel spoiled.

I met him at work. He was a regular customer and I guess he dug me more than he originally let on... I feel like I'm not the "usual" girls he goes for, when he goes for them, though.

Well, I'm a bigger girl. He's tall and lanky and slender, like I said. He's probably had his fair share of girls that are slender and curvy and blonde, and here I am, dumpy, curvy and brunette. I feel kinda inadequate. Not that he's really looking at other girls or anything. He's really devoted. It's so different than everyone else I've dated.

Thanks mom. But you have to say I'm pretty. Your my mom.

Pregnant?! Babies?! Christ, I've been dating him for a month, how about you ask me that when I've been dating him a few years? Jeez. No pressure, really!

I know, I know. You want grandkids. *rolls her eyes* How about I actually get to know him a little bit more before I get knocked up? Sound good?

No, I haven't found an apartment yet. Andrew decided to be my room mate, and he's been doing a good job of looking for apartments in the papers and stuff. I'm going to view a couple of them on Wednesday, during the morning, to see if they are decent. If he can get the day off, he's going to come with.

I'm seeing if I can extend my stay another 15 days at the place I'm at currently, so that I can fit it all in with my additional workload and some design work I've got going on.

I actually should be packing now, because I've got two days off in a row, and I need to get it going.

Okay, well I hope you're doing all right, and I'll talk to you sometime soon.

No, I won't be so long in between writing, if I can help it.

Okay. I love you too.

Ciao.

*Tugs At Her Collar*

Linds: Awkward, awkward!!
Linds: Ergh...
Linds: Mayday!

Sean: lol
Sean: What is happening?

Linds: I'm at Cliff's and there are maintenance men working on his furnace, let in by his landlady, who let them in because I didn't answer the door.
Linds: And they don't know I'm here.
Linds: Because I closed the bedroom door.
Linds: And they are working RIGHT next to the door.
Linds: *whispers* And I locked it.

Sean: lol
Sean: And this is awkward because?

Linds: because I'm naked wearing only a bathrobe and Cliff ISN'T here 'cause he's working?

Sean: ah
Sean: well, there are two ways to go with this...
Sean: one, what you did;

Linds: stay hidden, being number one...
Linds: and first and foremost in my mind.
Linds: ding ding, we have a winner!!

Sean: or two, the beginning of a delightful Letter to Penthouse.

Linds: No. I've got my rag.

Sean: lol
Sean: Well, hopefully the men will leave soon.

Linds: Yes.
Linds: And the landlady.

Sean: lol

Linds: Because I have to work at 12.45 this afternoon.
Linds: Why do I end up in the *really* awkward situations?

Sean: Is it too high for the window?
Sean: lol

Linds: He lives on the 2nd story.
Linds: knowing me I'd break, well... Everything.

Sean: Now Linds, this is something worth writing about.
Sean: LOL

Linds: Yeah, I know... I was already thinking it.

Sean: I will check up with you later, Linds.

Linds: I will be working, until nine... If I'm not trapped in by the maintenance men and my own cowardice.

Sean: ok
Sean: lol

All Bundled Up... Thanksgiving Day, 2006

All Bundled Up...
Originally uploaded by Miss Linds.

I was bored on the bus, on the way to the 'rents, so I snapped a pic with my new scarf and my hair up in wee pig tails. Tres anime hair. I've got fuzzy elastics on there too!

90 Things...

1.) I am not ready to fall in love again, yet.
2.) I am scared to hurt the person I've been dating.
3.) Even though I know he's "A Big Boy". I'm still scared.
4.) I work on average 52 to 60 hours a week. I'm really, really tired, every day.
5.) My days all blend together, I never know what day it is, and I don't ever get two days off in a row.
6.) I bailed on a friends birthday party tonight, and I feel really bad for not going, because I know it would be a lot of fun.
7.) My friend is okay with that, since he knows I work my ass off.
8.) I am going to ask for a raise tomorrow. Again. I'm probably going to get blown off. Again.
9.) I don't get paid enough for the amount of work I do, and it's starting to bug me. A lot.
10.) I feel bad because I have not been socializing with my friends enough in the past few months.
11.) My life still feels like it has fallen apart and has not begun to knit back together again. I hope it happens soon.
12.) I like oral sex. A lot.
13.) I have not gone on vacation since May 2nd of 2005.
14.) I have to do laundry tomorrow. I was supposed to do it tonight, but I forgot my work pants at work. Dammit.
15.) Did I mention I like oral sex a lot?
16.) I really just want to do nothing tomorrow. Including not going to work.
17.) Oh, that's both giving and recieving, by the way.
18.) I commonly reference myself as feeling like being "A little bird trapped in a glass dome, flapping my wings ineffectively at the insides".
19.) I think going to school was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
20.) My father disagrees with me, saying going to school wasn't a mistake, but the way I handled myself while in school, was.
21.) He's right, Of course.
22.) I haven't been home in 7 days.
23.) I have to move in 23 days, and have not found a place to live yet. I haven't started packing yet, either.
24.) The uncertainty of it all makes me very nauseous.
25.) I've trained two employees in the past two weeks.
26.) My toenails are the colour of light bronze. I think it's pretty.
27.) For a moment, I almost forgot I was at home, and not at Cliff's.
28.) I have a carnation he gave me on the 20th of September, and it's still alive on my dining room table.
29.) I bought him lilies for his living room, to brighten up his plant corner. They are bright orange.
30.) I have 4975 songs, which is 14.3 days of playing time, and 31.26 gigs of space on my hard drive.
31.) I have half again as much on my external Hard Drive.
32.) I know that's nothing to people that download all of their music, but to me, it's a big deal because I paid for most of it.
33.) My number one Christmas list item is a 30 gig iPod Video.
34.) I know. Fat chance. *sighs*
35.) To replace my lovely 400 dollar, 8 ounce, 20 gig paperweight, which seems to enjoy reformatting itself and giving me the sad iPod face every time I try to use it, so I've given up thinking it's a lost cause.
36.) This makes me very sad.
37.) But a girl can always dream, right?
38.) My newest online nickname from Murray is "Lindymahindi".
39.) I call Murray "Pookie", "Murvyn", "Murrman", "Mervynator", "Murrby", "Murrbles" and anything else I can think up to make him giggle.
40.) Murray's girlfriend bought a long haired Chihuahua, named which he originally thought was stupid, and now pampers like it's HIS baby.
41.) I think that's really cute.
42.) My new hire calls me "Muffin". I fucking hate it.
43.) Don't you dare...
44.) Do you know how much OIL is in a muffin? Eeew.
45.) I missed my bed this week. Lots.
46.) I'm tired. Big surprise.
47.) I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
48.) I've worked over 120 more hours than my boss between March 1st to October 1st.
49.) Remind me again why I'm not a Manager?
50.) I'm delightful. You're welcome.
51.) I don't see what people see in me that makes me attractive.
52.) I have found three grey hairs in the last 4 months.
53.) I'm the most critical of myself.I tend to self-deprecate.
54.) I love Mariah Carey's album "The Emancipation of Mimi". I listen to it all the time.
55.) God, I missed my bed.
56.) I can be quite gullible sometimes.
57.) I'm forcing myself to stay awake so that I don't feel like I sleep whenever I am home.
58.) I spend too much time worrying about work and complaining about the things that I can't change.
59.) I got my brows waxed on Friday afternoon, and my esthetician was a brutally violent Chinese lady with a sadistic penchant for causing pain strong enough to make me leak tears.
60.) Cliff watched me get it done and swore upside and down that his nuts retracted inside his body watching me "induce self-torture for beauty".
61.) I walked around the mall for the rest of the afternoon with a red rectangular streak around my brows, feeling like an idiot.
62.) to whit, I promptly got teased about.
63.) I pinched him for his efforts.
64.) Men just don't appreciate the lengths women go to look pretty for them. *hrmph*
65.) I can't think of 35 more things.
66.) All I can think of is sleeping, in my bed.
67.) Holy mother, I so missed my bed.
68.) This is one of my favourite candid photos that I've taken and posted on flickr.com
69.) I started crying right after I took this photo of one of my best friend's getting married. I got called "a big softie" and a big hug because of it.
70.) This is me when I was 23.
71.) What the hell happened? I used to be cute.
72.) This is the most recent photo of me.
73.) I haven't rebooted my computer in 17 days. Holy crap.
74.) One of my favourite painters is Vincent Van Gogh.
75.) I've seriously contemplated having "Starry Night" tattooed on my left shoulder, and "Starry Night Over the Rhone" on my right as "cap sleeves".
76.) My Tattoo Artist, Andrea, is salivating at the thought of doing such a complicated piece.
77.) I think I will finish my back before I fill out any other areas of my body first, though.
78.) I don't give a fuck what people will think when I'm 80 and have saggy tattoos. At least I can say "I did it" instead of "I always wanted to do that".
79.) The next tattoo I get is the word "Hope" on the top of the line of kanji going down my spine, So that it says "Hope, Love, Dreams, Music, Friendship". There's something about having Six symbols saying five words that really appeal to me. I also like the notion of having five words up there.
80.) It's been almost 2 years since I've gotten a real tattoo. (touch-up's don't count.)
81.) If I ever get married, I am not going to be afraid that my tattoos will show when I wear a wedding dress. They are an integral part of me.
82.) I google almost EVERYTHING that I don't know the answer to.
83.) Erik is coming back to vancouver in less than two weeks, and I'm totally excited.
84.) My Cell phone has "We Belong Together" as the ringer, and "Jungle Boogie" as my Text messaging notice. I have kept them the same since I got my phone because I like them so much.
85.) I have 5 instant messaging programs.
86.) God, wasn't that a bloody boring point?
87.) When I smoke a joint, I get super introspective, very paranoid, and eat a lot of chocolate with a bottle of coca cola.
88.) I like waking up to the local New Country Music Radio station.
89.) I often find myself waking up humming whatever is on the radio.
90.) I also like waking up to the local hip hop station. It's all about variety, baby.

best term for masturbation EVAR!

"The Palm before the Storm".

I'm still giggling, almost 5 minutes after it was mentioned.

Do you guys n' gals think you've got anything to top that one? Hit me with your best shot.

Right on my tits. Just don't get any in my hair, mmkay?

What Crappy Christmas Present Am I?

You Are Socks!

Cozy and warm... but easily lost. You make a good puppet.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

Funny considering I LOVE getting socks as a staple Christmas present.

"Smoke Me A Kipper...

I'll be back for breakfast." – (Arnold "Ace" Rimmer from the television series "Red Dwarf")

So...

If anyone wants to be remarkably generous for my Christmas present, they can take a virtual stroll over to BBC Canada's website and pick up a 18 disc DVD collection of series 1 to 8 Red Dwarf episodes.

C'mon... You know you want to get this for me.

Please?

Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

travis: Listen, our "love" making was one long three stooges parody...

linds: I recall you poking me in the eye a few times, yes. And a couple of "why I oughta”’s coming out of you, too.

travis: I told you, I'm not good at it.

linds: I think you said "A wiseguy, huh?!" once, too. But that was when you came.

travis: I never cum only go. But Moe and Larry are perfect names for your breasts, and Curly... Well I'll leave that for you to figure out.

linds: Well considering I have hardwood floors, the carpets don't match the drapes... And I'm not so hot about naming one of my tits after my Dad.

travis: You can't name anything sexual after parental figures it's against the rules.

linds: Yeah I always found the whole "Who's your daddy" thing a bit gross... Hey wait... Curly was bald, wasn't he?

travis: lol

I Could Be Your Temporary Girlfriend...

linds: You know what I've realized about myself? Is that I love to make people feel better about themselves when they are lonely. I'm the ultimate temporary companion.

jeri: Wellllll...You need to be someone's permanent one.

linds: Sometime...

jeri: Sooner, rather than later.

linds: Hrmph.

----------------------

It’s true. I’m good at sex, making people feel wanted, and appreciated, but not good enough to be around for longer than six months. I get clingy, I get dependent, I get all the things that drive men away faster than you can say “Herpes”. It’s depressing. It’s also stark reality that I face head on, because it’s too hard to cling to pipe dreams.

I have a friend, who stops by my work every weekend, and occasionally during the week. He’s an single, older man, (which I prefer.) He’s handsome, tall, lean, with dark hair, and blue eyes, a sexy gravelly voice, he’s artistically minded, and has the most remarkably wicked sense of humour.

And, guilty as charged... I’ve developed a crush on him. It’s mutual, and he invited me to his place for home cooked dinner. I gleefully accepted his offer, but in my gut, I’ve got this feeling of dread, that I’m going to hurt him. Badly. And that I’m going to hurt myself badly in the process.

I’m not fully back to “myself” again. I’m not ready for anything serious, and I’ve got complicated emotions that aren’t fully resolved yet. I know it’s the fact that my own self confidence was kicked out from underneath me, and it’s still healing from the blow.

I know I’m the kind of person that hangs on to things, and fights change because it scares the living shit out of me. I know I have expectations of myself that are unrealistic, and as people love to point out, I’m very hard on myself. I’m driven, but I wonder if I often drive myself to the brink of insanity by being this way.

Am I scared to open up my heart to someone else? Hell yes. I wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s a foolish thing that ends up with me getting trampled on emotionally, but something I haven’t been able to change about myself.

I’m a loner at heart. I wasn’t physically touched much when I was younger, excepting the occasional hugs from my parents. I did my own thing. I grew up without siblings, I grew up without many friends, and I think sometimes that I’m a little socially retarded. Books were my friends. I hid inside my fantasy worlds, and my romance novels, and learned my tertiary education from the minds of writers. Maybe that’s one of my problems. I learned it but I didn't do it myself.

My first introduction to sexuality with someone else, was when I was 13, and I wasn’t a willing participant... I think, that maybe, this has fucked with my head more than I care to admit. But I can’t blame some fuck head that took advantage of my trust and my body without my consent; for screwing up my life. Outside of the things I can’t control, I’m the one behind the steering wheel. That’s like people saying they killed half a dozen people in the local Walmart, because their parents yelled at them when they were kids. There’s more to the story than some psychobabble icing the top.

I get overwhelmed easily. I develop this attachment to people that will love me, and then I take it two steps too far, by pushing or rushing or expecting more (or, that being said, less) than I deserve... And I still don’t know what I deserve.

I fall into the safety net of the uncommitted, temporary relationship because I know there are no permanent ties to the person I’m with. And I still fall in love with them. It’s my catch 22.

Every time I try to develop a relationship with any lasting potential, I’ve always either chosen the wrong person, or butchered a relationship with someone I could have actually made a life with, into something harsh and unforgiving. It ends in tattered ruins at my feet.

I’m not saying it’s all my fault, but at the same time... I’m sure I am the one to blame for a large portion of what’s goes down.

So, do I risk potentially hurting this wonderful person due to my own loneliness, or do I suck it up and stay by myself, to save them and myself from another painful bout of tears?

I know, I know. Dinner at his place doesn’t mean married, for chrissakes, I’m not stupid. I just don’t want to lead anyone on. Not anymore, and not ever in the first place.

Do I let my own selfish desires get in the way of how I behave? Do I back out on my agreement and disappoint this friend, who is such a wonderful person, bar none, because I’m so lost? He deserves so much more than a temporary girlfriend.

Overheard... (At work)

Linds is in the back room getting a product for a customer. Phone rings.

Me: Hello, *company named blanked* Linds speaking.

Man: Hi, I was wondering if Uh... If, Uh.... Uh... If you know why Uhhh... the *company name blanked* still has it's commercials for back to school stuff on T.V?

Me: *pause* Well, as far as I know it does, however I don't watch television, so I wouldn't be the best person to ask that question to. As far as I know, yes, our advertisements are stil on TV, and all of our back to school sales end on the 24th of September.

Man: Uh... Well, Uhmm.... I was just calling to see why the ads were still on tv, because I was watching the space channel, and they had ads for Futureshop, and Best Buy and (lists of a few more companies...) and they still have ads for back to school stuff, but I think that Uh... Kids are already in school and they already have stuff so why are you still showing commercials that say back to school when Uh... Uhm.... They like, don't need to go, and Kids had to start going back into school on the eighth, at like nine am, like grades 8 to 11 to 5, and stuff so I don't know why you have the ads on tv still. And Uhh... do you have the number for like a head office and stuff?

Me: *pause. look up at ceiling as if to beg God for strength* We usually don't give out the number for head office unless it's a serious complaint about a product or poor service, sir.

Man: Uh well this sort of is a serious complaint.

Me: *confused and slightly annoyed* You're complaining about the length of time that commercials run on television for Back to School sales?

Man: Yes.

Me: It's a sale. It just means prices are lower on things, and you get better deals. You don't have to go to school in order to buy the products we sell! Parents of children and college students do not neccessarily purchase all of the supplies they need for school the week before or the day of school starting. In some cases they choose to do price comparisons with other locations that sell the same products we do. I have absolutely no control over the advertising for my company.

Man: Well, Uh, I don't see why they are running still on tv, since school started already and stuff, see I'm 43, and I don't go to school.

Me: Well, sir, if you want, we can give you the *regular* price. We can even increase the price in items if that will make you happy. That being said, I really see no point in your calling our store. I have customers waiting for me, I am the only one available to take care of them, and you're tying me up in my back room on the telephone to complain about something as unimportant as the length of a back to school sale. Unless you have something more relevant to bring up, I have work to do.

Man: But, Uhm, I don't see why the commercials are still on.

Me: *Brusquely* Sir, I've already explained the answer to you, and I'm not going to say it twice. If you'll excuse me, I have work to do. I have customers waiting for me, I don't have time or the inclination to continue this discussion.

Man: Oh, okay. Bye.

Overheard.

~*Linds*~ says: Trav, I don't know what I'd ever do without you.

He who saw the deep... says: Probably have no use for the anal lube and the webcam?

~*Linds*~ says: Sez you! That's how I get the webcam in there!

He who saw the deep... says: Your intestines are hot.

~*Linds*~ says: And all smeared in shit.

...

~*Linds*~ says: Okay. Admittedly, that went beyond the boundaries of good taste. Or even bad taste, to be honest.

He who saw the deep... says: See, sometimes what we imply is okay. There's no need to go further.

~*Linds*~ says: I know, I know; but I so love to push it further.

He who saw the deep... says: I've got scars on my back to prove it.

~*Linds*~ says: See, I do this shit all the time!

...

I think I pushed the limits with someone during a discussion via IM on Plenty of fish, when he made some comment about swimming in ocean water. Specifically in English Bay, here in Vancouver... I said I didn't like it, because I didn't like the taste of salt water and dirty diapers in my mouth.

He who saw the deep... says: lol!

~*Linds*~ says: He logged off briefly after that. I can't fathom why...

Overheard / Pure, Unadulterated...

Eeeeeevil.


Am I the only one that thinks this "man" looks like a vampire?

(Currently this is my MSN, Y! Messenger and AIM display picture. This conversation is with my cousin, Andrew.)

I feel like a frog, jumping from one idea to the other. says: Cleanliness is next to godliness. Right, vampire pope?

~*Linds*~ says: vampire Pope says "Yes, Andrew; now come be my altar boy. Bottom's up!"

I feel like a frog, jumping from one idea to the other. says: Only on one condition, vampire Pope.

~*Linds*~ says: vampire Pope says "What is that, my little soon to be violated one?'

I feel like a frog, jumping from one idea to the other. Says: You have to dissolve the religion and start fresh.

~*Linds*~ Vampire Pope says "No dice".

I feel like a frog, jumping from one idea to the other. says: LOL

obligatory...

Drunken post.

why is this so danmed funny?



because I think i'ts funnier than fuck.

The same with this pic.

Sooooo funny. Soooo truamatixing/.

Myspaec has to be good for something, right?

Yeah! 5 double gin and OJ and 3 china white shooters and no dinner afe a bad combintaion thing.

Okay. My eyes are burning. TimE to go sleep.

Yoinked... From Myself. How Lame.

I AM: Not happy in the living situation I'm in. Again. I'm moving in the middle of October, most likely. This time I'm staying in the same space for at least three years. I hate this shit.
I WANT: Stability.
I WISH: That things would go smoothly for once.
I HATE: Nagging, Feeling claustrophobic, Long rides on public transit.
I MISS: Being genuinely happy and Feeling carefree.
I HEAR: B-Boy's makin' with the Freak Freak by the Beastie Boys, my fan in my room, the sound of my teeth grinding together.
I WONDER: If I'll ever get married and have children.
I REGRET: Things falling apart with my current roomie, and also how my relationships fail.
I AM NOT: Taller than Liz. Fit. A potato chip.
I DANCE: When I hear something good.
I SING: Everyday. Or at least hum.
I CRY: ocassionally. More often than not lately.
I AM NOT ALWAYS: A hard worker.
I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: any baked good, or food dish and usually cook it to perfection.
I WRITE: In bed, in the evenings, after work, while feeling like falling asleep.
I CONFUSE: My lefts and rights. Yeah. I think I might be borderline retarded.
I NEED: A 400-500 dollar bachelor suite in New West. Stability. More money.
I SHOULD: Get new glasses, learn how to not freak out in a relationship, learn how to handle my finances, Do my taxes.
I START: Things with a passion.
I FINISH: Things slowly, if at all, unfortunately.

The Hardest Thing To Say, And The Thing They Want To Hear The Least...

Is "No".

Me: "No, I'm sorry, we don't do refunds on something that you purchased over a year ago and don't have a reciept for."

Lady: "But it's not even a year old. How can you tell me that it's not under warranty?"

Me: Ma'am, I hate to break it to you but the company changed names approximately a year and a two months ago, so if you're bringing me something with a *blanked* company name on it, it's been in your possession for far over a year, and therefore isn't even covered under it's one year manufacturers warranty."

Lady: "A year, a year and a half... What does it matter? I bought it here! You should replace it!"

Me: "As matter of fact, we don't even carry that product in the store anymore. It's been discontinued, and any remaining merchandise with that product code has been devalued to zero dollars, and most likely destroyed."

Lady: "But it was a sixty dollar item, and now you're telling me it's worth nothing?"

Me: "I'm sorry ma'am. I don't have any control over what the company decides to keep and discard in the company stock."

Lady: "Well this is bullshit. I paid good money for this and now I get treated like shit."

Me: "I'm sorry you feel that way, Ma'am. I've been nothing but polite and professional with you. I can't change the situation to make you happy."

Lady: "Fucking ridiculous."

Me: "Well, at least one of us is. I have a feeling it isn't me. Have a nice day."

Must Stay Awa...*Snknxxxxxx...*

Well my "Friday" night was just shot to hell.

I've been burning the candle at both ends for far too long the past few weeks, and it has finally caught up with me.

I dunno if any of you people reading have played "The Sims", a very addictive computer game good for robbing human beings of many hours of real life by PLAYING being another person. (Though most people I know actually create themselves, but far sluttier.)

Much like the little characters in The Sims will do while walking around, I literally fell asleep on myself tonight. I fell asleep on myself sitting on my back patio for an hour, and then finally woke up enough to groggily drag myself to my bed where I think I died for roughly, Oh, 5 and a half hours.

Dang.

With split days off, you tend to appreciate the 'night before the day off' far more than usual, because it's tacked on to that added 24 hours of not attending work. I mean, come on, me! (shut up, before you even start...) I've got designated "sleep" hours, how come they've got to intrude on my designated "all hepped up on goofballs" hours?

Bah.

-----------------

Oh, on a completely unrelated topic, I've realized that I have bigger cojones than my ex-boyfriend, when it comes to finishing things off...

I'm very tempted to send him an email asking him to please reattach his balls and reinsert his spine, so that he can bring it upon himself to finally deliver my delerium CD back to me.

It's not really the fact that he has the cd. Sure it's an import, Sure it's a rare CD. Sure, it was a birthday present from two of my very close friends. That being said, it's just material property, and I can always buy another one.

What kills me on this whole situation, is that he totally used me for his own ends, and led me on. He lied to me. He tread on my generosity as a person, in order to get what he wanted. Or at least it feels that way to me... So barring those facts, the only things I am really passionate about is my music, my writing, and my design.

So why on God's green earth, would I allow him to take something that belongs to me, and that I'm passionate about, and call it his own? Does this make any sense, or am I just totally out of my gourd?

Yes, I realize this is petty. I realize that if I sent him that email, that it's hurtful, and spiteful, and nasty and bad-intentioned, and brings me down to his level. I also know Karma is a bitch, so I wouldn't send it in the first place. But he hurt me. So bad. It's almost painful to resist striking him back where it hurts him. Like a rattler.

I know I'm dragging it on, and I'm lingering in this negativity, but why do I always have to be the nice one, and the mature one, and the one that has the balls to call it quits because he would quite happily let it turn drag on for another month of loneliness, just because he could, and because he couldn't sum up the courage to break it off earlier? It's a coward's way out of a relationship.

And why do I have to be the one that has to keep my chin up despite blow after blow to my self-esteem where I'm made to feel like an unvalued human being, and an unwanted person? And needing to keep the water rolling off this duckie's back? I already know the answer, "Because no one else will do it for you, Linds." I know this. I'm just tired.

I'm not made of stone. Just cement. It was one of those cheap mixes, you can buy at Walmart, and it's chipping away rather quickly.

I just... Well, I wish I wasn't so angry. I wish I knew how to isolate that one part of me, and just toss it in the garbage. Is it the price you pay when you're an emotional female? Or is it just the price you pay when you're a neurotic freak? Where does the line exist between those two things, or is it all gray instead of black and white? Am I crazy, or am I just really hurt and don't know how to get over it?

I'm tired of dating "boys" that refuse to be held accountable for their own actions. A nice vehicle, a good job, and a decent sense of humour does not a "Man" make. Real men live up to their word. And I'm not lowering that standard, either. I don't feel I should have to.

And for once, I wish the ones that think they are behaving in an adult manner whilst sabotaging/undermining others feelings and deeds only to further themselves and make themselves feel better, would feel the jagged, icy shaft of karma sticking it up their pooters.

Hard. Repeatedly. With no lube.

Perhaps smeared with Cayenne Pepper paste. Yeah. That's it.

Actually, I'm tired of dating at all.

And on that note, I'm going back to sleep.

Showing A Little Soul...

My newest Soul, Motown and R&B mixed CD, Fresh from my iTunes Library:

1. Love And Happiness - Al Green

2. Ain't No Way - Aretha Franklin

3. Something's Got A Hold On Me - Etta James

4. Papa's Got A Brand New Bag (Pt. 1) - James Brown

5. What'd I Say - Ray Charles

6. Just The Two Of Us - Bill Withers

7. Tired Of Being Alone - Al Green

8. Chain Of Fools - Aretha Franklin

9. What Would I do Without You - Ray Charles

10. Son Of A Preacher Man - Dusty Springfield

11. Here I am Baby - Al Green

12. I Just Wanna Make Love To You - Etta James

13. Sweet Inspiration - The Sweet Inspirations

14. I Pity The Fool - Bobby "Blue" Bland

15. It's A Man's Man's Man's World - James Brown

16. Let's Stay Together - Al Green

17. Hallelujah I Love Her So - Ray Charles

18. Right To Be Wrong - Joss Stone

19. Waiting For You - Seal

20. I Got You (I Feel Good) - James Brown

21. Tell Mama - Etta James

Borrowed...

What is life all about?

Life isn't about keeping score.

It's not about how many friends you have, And not about if you have plans this weekend or if you're alone.

It isn't about whom you're dating, whom you used to date, how many people you've dated, or if you haven't been with anyone at all.

It isn't about whom you have kissed,

It isn't about who your family is or how much money they have,

Or what kind of car you drive.

Or where you are sent to school.

It's not about how beautiful or ugly you are.

Or what clothes you wear, what shoes you have on, or what kind of music you listen to.

It's not about if your hair is blonde, red, black, or brown Or if your skin is too light or too dark.

Not about what grades you get, how smart you are, how smart everybody else thinks you are, or how smart standardized tests say you are.

It's not about what clubs you're in or how good you are at "your" sport.

But, life is about whom you love and whom you hurt.

It's about whom you make happy or unhappy.

It's about keeping or betraying trust.

It's about saying something and actually doing what you say. Actions speak louder than words.

It's about friendship, used as a sanctity or a weapon.

It's about what you say and mean, maybe hurtful, maybe heartening.

About starting rumors and contributing to petty gossip.

It's about what judgments you pass and why.

And whom your judgments are spread to.

It's about whom you've ignored with full control and intention.

It's about jealousy, fear, ignorance, and revenge.

It's about carrying inner hate and love, letting it grow, and spreading it.

But most of all, it's about using your life to touch or poison other people's hearts in such a way that could have never occurred alone.

Only you choose the way those hearts are affected,

those choices are what life's all about.

Eavesdropping...

~*Linds*~: God, just sliced my finger open. Huge.

alan: Eeeew. Go take care of that.

~*Linds*~: well duh.

alan: :P

~*Linds*~: No! I'm gushing on the keyboard. As If I'd soil my mac that way.

alan: heh. smartypants

~*Linds*~: I just look rather dashing with two band aides wrapped around my right index finger.

-------------------------------------

At least I've got my priorities straight.

A Big Ball Of Fucked Up...

Oh, this is just super.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	Moderate
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

What is love? Baby don't hurt me...

Children can answer better than most adults when it comes to love. The answers they gave were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy- age 7

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody
You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your
face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you." (what an image)
Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget." Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most "caring" child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."