Half-Rogg?

I'm lost yet again, Damnit.

I hate this feeling of melancholy that sweeps over me a couple times a month and then vanishes into thin air for the rest of it. I hate it with a passion. Right now, it feels like my world is closing in on me, smothering and confining me within a tiny little box, filled with panic, fear and anger.

I could publicly berate myself on here, but I'm already kicking myself enough over some stupid behaviour, and damnit, I WISH I had known I'd been fired two months ago when I was actually fired, instead of calling that little European bakery last week and finding out that apparently, I quit. Now, how I quit without handing in a written resignation, and after telling them that you need two months off (And they knew this since the day I started there, dammit.) for school, blows me outta the water. I'm so mad I could spit tacks over this bullshit. If I "quit" two months ago, shouldn't my T-4 slips be in my gaddamned grubby mitts by now? I politely but firmly informed my ex-employer that he FIRED me, because I never wrote down the words that if I did quit, would LOVE to say to my ex-employer:

"I'm sorry, but I have to resign from my position as 'Bakery-Counter-Wench' due to the fact that I'm working for minimum wage, when I have over four years of skills doing the exact same thing you are, be making almost twice minimum wage, and producing half the shit you guys sell. Instead I'm serving obstinate, grouchy, stupid, RUDE old ladies; and lecherous old men that stare at my tits when I bend over to get them something they asked for, from (of course!) the bottom of the case. Oh! And your 'Engrish' is so poor that most of the time I have to get Eileen to translate, or ask you simple 'yes' and 'no' questions, but manage to keep a genuine smile on my face, so give me my vacation payout, tax forms, and a big ol' slab o' brownies, because 'I'm hittin' the road, Jack'."

Have a GREAT day,

Sincerely,

Linds.

It would be more enjoyable to have said "Fuck You, give me my severance, because you FIRED me, I didn't quit, you fucking fuck!" on the phone last weekend, but that would have been unprofessional, or some shit, so I refrained.

I'm REALLY damned worried about finances for second term. I don't even know if I can afford to go. Granted, student loans help, and are paying the majority, but not all, of my tuition, but spending money comes into the equation, Bus fare, Food, chocolate, shit like that. The likelihood of being able to attend is good, if mdivona.com keeps going the way it has been, but I'm a neurotic mess on the best of days. That being said, we get about 500 hits/day on the site, thanks to lovely, lovely webrings, and domme lists. Thank gad. My Dad would hang, draw and quarter me if I didn't go through with the entire course. Chris isn't sure if he can have me working for him during the middle of April to the beginning of May. (The thought of that instability makes me totally nauseous.)

So, if anyone is looking for a GREAT gal, with impeccable customer service skills, and a real talent at concealing her true feelings, for one day on the weekend and occasional evenings after 5 pm (depending on location) Send an email my way. *smiles pretty-like.*

I miss Devin. He's a constant thought in the back of my mind. I haven't had much time to talk to him, or him time to talk to me, for the past two weeks. It's been two brief text message conversations back and forth for about five minutes. I miss those one on one conversations, even when they're only five minutes long. They make me smile more than I can believe.

I miss you, baby!

The countdown is on for my trip, and gad do I ever need it. 5 weeks to go, I'm fucking exhausted. I've got massive amounts of projects due in the next three weeks. I'm behind in a few courses (which bothers me quite a bit) I'm trying for excellence, and the majority of it is fairly good, now that I've realized the only thing slowing or restricting my creativity, is myself and my own limitations. I've also realized that this course, was made to sound better than it is. It's sorta a case of "The Emperor's New Clothes", when it really IS a quick fix course. The human brain learns best from repetition, and we don't have the time to repeat the exercises over and over, and get all the BAZILLION projects done for every other subject at the same time. It's one or the other, I guess. Granted, I now know how to do scads more regarding applied arts than I ever did before, but it's not a very effective base of knowledge when we don't have the time to work over the same problem in different situations.

That being said, I still wouldn't know jack if I wasn't in the course, and I've got ideas running through my head for second term projects already, since I'm acquaintances with someone in Second term, and I'm privy to the assignments that are happening before I'm actually IN that term. It's kinda nice that way, to be prepared, instead of tossing the baby in the pool and seeing if she can swim.

I'm glad I have Friday and Monday off this weekend, which means I get four whole days to sleep until noon if I damned well feel like it. I can't even wake up on time lately. It's gotten to the point where I have THREE alarms going off in the morning, and I sleep through them all. The radio is screaming pop music obscenities right next to my head, (literally, right next to it) for an hour, and my cell phone is tinkling and buzzing away merrily across my bedside table, and every morning for the past half-month, I've slept through them all. THAT scares me. Unless I'm drunk, I'm usually a VERY light sleeper.

And NO, I haven't been getting into the "medicine" in behind the bar, Thx.

I never thought I would be thanking Jesus, for giving me two MORE days off of school. Thanks dude. Sorry you had to, like, die and shit so we could have a couple statutory holidays.

Author doesn't actually MEAN gratitude towards Christian authoritarian figures, since she's a total pagan, barbarian, whore of Satan...

Okay, actually she's just an atheist.

By the way, FEEL FREE to slap a pin up on my guest map o'er there on the sidebar, Y'know, that little icon that says "GUEST MAP". My icon is getting lonely. *pouts*