Hellooo! Are We Back In Highschool? (A Rogg!)

I'm quite, quite tempted to say "The hell with you all!" to my classmates, (excluding 'Nessa, and Oliver.)

The reasoning behind all of this? Apparently, regardless of age, maturity hasn't reached a large portion of them. I might seem flittery, or chatty, but honestly, if you're not willing to strike up a conversation with people you're going to be stuck with for approximately a year, then why the fuck even bother forming social skills, Why bother even taking this class when you could be taking an online program and not having to deal with other actual HUMAN beings?

I'm angry. I feel like I've been shunted because of previous, brief, perhaps thoughtless actions, to a degree, and I'm remarkably hurt over that fact. They don't even KNOW me, and they still treat me like I'm less than respectable. You have NO idea what I've seen in my lifetime. I'm sure it's more than some of your sheltered existances. It's not more than some individuals, but more than most at my age.

I've been categorized as something negative, because I let my passions get ahold of me on something, and flirted with the wrong person at the beginning of term. However I managed to control my passions, (and he, his own.) and not let things get out of hand. (This is a subject I'm going to dance around, due to the fact that it's extremely private, but I'm sure you guys have an inkling of what I'm talking about... Some more than others.) It's now developed into a fairly decent friendship, and people are still speculating on what is going on. I'm FRIENDS with him. We think on the same wavelength most of the time. There is NOTHING wrong with that.

The fact that people have judged me, regardless if it is their business or not, quite honestly, disgusts me. It's not your business, and never was to begin with. It's had no effect on your design abilities, and learning comprehension, or mine for that matter.

We're here for an education, in an ADULT scenario. If you can't leave your teenage, highschool, gossipy bullshit behind you, that's you're fucking beef. Don't bring it into a college scene. I left that ages ago. If you choose to judge me based on my actions, most of which you have absolutely NO idea of what happened, that's your perogative. I'm already working out the consequences of my actions, and it's nothing that should have concerned you in the first place.

Perhaps you should try to remember that you're in this program for an education, not for the commentary on others behaviour. Nothing I've done has warranted being given dirty looks, being ignored, or a disparaging attitude. I have every single right within me to say "Fuck you" right to your face, if need be, for the way you're treating me right now. However, I'm not going to sink to that level. I'm not second class to you, nor will I ever be. And I WILL defend myself if I feel like you've gone too far. I'm very tired of being trampled on.

I do my work, (which may, or may not be spectacular.) I try to be as accepting of the people around me as possible, as supportive and helpful as I can be, and I try to maintain a cheerful facade while I'm at it. That's more than I can say about cutting personal remarks veiled as sarcasm, physically ignoring my existance when I speak to you, or the myriad of other mildly abusive things that some of these people seem to think of as acceptable. You have no idea what is going on underneath that cheerful facade, and what I'm dealing with on a daily basis on a personal level.

It's discouraging, in an environment where we are supposed to play off of each other, and build a team situation, when individuals in that scene are focussing on speculated negativity. Get your facts straight before you criticize someone, say it to my face, or get the fuck over it, please.

Perhaps it's a matter of caring TOO much about what others think of me. As 'Nessa said, I shouldn't let the small stuff get to me, and in a way, that partner in crime of mine, is bang on.

However, I see it more as a damaging aspect of this group situation. Where we should be bonding, and embracing the differences in design ideas, because NO ONE designs in the same way, much the same as no two people think in the same manner, we seem to be splitting up, and forming cliques.

It's all a load of bullshit. Put your personal issues/judgements aside, and focus on the matter at hand.

I understand, that respect is earned, and not given. However, if you honestly think about it, even though I might be crude sometimes, I might curse, and sometimes play out a situation or a joke longer than it should be, how often have I been deliberately cruel, or spiteful?

When have I shown, in any way, shape or form, that I'm not willing to help someone if I know how to do something and they seem stuck, or need some assignment folders that they forgot to pick up when they message me in a panic on MSN?

Is that a reason to dislike me? I honestly try my best, I really do, to not be abrasive, or annoying, but if I can't be myself, then why the hell am I here in the first place?

Conformity has never been my bag, which is why I opted out of retail, and into something creative, and despite all of the negativity I'm feeling right now, I honestly think I've found my niche. (Or a variant thereof.)

I'm at a loss here. I feel horrible, I'm remarkably upset. Even though I KNOW inside, that I'm not a bad person.

THIS was the reason I avoided post-secondary education for such a long time. I knew, despite the fact that you had to PAY for it, that it wasn't much of a leap from Highschool in a lot of ways.

The sad thing, is that you can't even escape this in the workplace. Human beings, love to gossip, and they LOVE to bring others down, regardless of when and where.

It's a wonder why I hate the majority of humanity, when compassion is such a rare thing.

I'm so tempted, SO tempted to give up. I won't though. Like I said, I've found my niche.

So fuck you're negativity, fuck the clique-y bullshit, and fuck you for judging me.

I might be struggling now, but I'll whip your asses when it comes down to the bottom line.

That's a guarantee.