I'm A Culture Junkie...

Music Of the Moment: Talk Talk -- "It's My Life"


And no, I'm not talking about Yogurt.

I'm going positively batty. My mind is getting a little wrapped up in the loop that is homework and probably, far too much Starbucks Gingerbread latte, and not nearly enough sex to keep me content. (ie: I ain't gettin' none.)

While I'll be attending SinCity on this upcoming Saturday, it's for promotional purposes, (Okay, that and ogling snug, PVC clad beefcakes ad-infinitum...I'll look, but not touch.) I usually tend to get into deep, philosophical discussion with someone, amidst the thumping trance beat in the background, rather than make out like a bandit with some hot boi.

Gad, I'm a geek.

I'm jonesing to hang out with my friends, or go see a movie in an actual THEATRE, which I haven't done since Hellboy came out last summer, or whenever the hell it was. Murray and I ran away to Metropolis and I bought him dinner. That's right, I'm a damned good friend. Or hit the club, drink profuse amounts of alcohol, and dance my ample buttocks away, which has been developing the dreaded "office-spread", (however minor the case may be,) since January. I'm craving a four-hour marathon of eight ball or flukes at the pool hall with my galpal, and whoever the hell else feels like getting their butt kicked. I've got my Trigonometry DOWN, baby. (Honestly, we're too well matched and usually end up tying for the number of wins for the evening.)

I want to step away, just for a couple of days, from all this THINKING, and just be 24 years old again. It's not to say I regret being in this course, or taking on the responsibility of designing the site for the business I run with my partner... I just want to go see some live theatre, or Comedy Improv, I want to watch the Vancouver Symphony Orchestra, which I haven't been able to do since last October. I want to audition for some musicals around the Lower Mainland, but I know that I won't have time for rehearsals, homework and business. I want to soak in the tub, and turn into one giant wrinkle while reading some horrid piece of romance novel smut, up to my nose in warm, scented water from start of said smut, to finish. I want to sleep for DAYS, and wake up feeling refreshed, and less zombie-like. Or at least get a weekend to myself where I don't have to sit in front of the computer and just DO all of this bullshit.

I understand where Devin is coming from now. More than he realizes, I think. And I wish I had him here to sleep with at night. I'm tired of going to bed alone. Every. Single. Night.

I feel as if my life has been whisked out of my hands, and is being manipulated by some dictating overseer. No rest for the wicked, I suppose. Not that I have TIME to be wicked.

I want Karaoke back at the Dufferin on Friday nights, which isn't going to fuckin' happen, since they sold the hotel. I miss Sandy, and Cass, Terry, all those sweet, flaming little gaybois. I miss watching the Drag shows, and flirting with the VERY gay, VERY gorgeous bouncer, (whose name eludes me at this particular moment mid-rant. Ian, I think.) He used to tell me that I looked/talked/sounded/moved like Geena Davis, except I was shorter, and he called me beautiful. He also called me his "wife". The tease.

Damn I wish he was straight. I'd be all over him like butter on hot corn.

I miss being called beautiful.

I miss Ryan, my cute, catty, gay, ex-roomie, who's back in town in a less than a week and a half after an extended South Pacific and Bahamas tour as an Cruise Director on Princess Cruises. Ryan is the person that helped create the best memory I've ever had, where we stayed up till gad knows when in the morning, decorating our two (yes, two) Christmas trees in our teensy apartment, and watching every Christmas movie known to mankind, two weeks before Christmas in 2001. I STILL smile every single time I think about it.

I can have a conversation with him for three hours on the phone, consisting of one big run on joke and mutual insults. Most of our conversations consist of inane comments, obscure references to various computer games that we used to play together, (He would play, I would watch, and solve the problems) and so much laughter that it got to the point where we weren't making noise anymore, just these wheezing, strangled breaths imitating laughter. That's the shiznit right there. You don't have a good friend until you're crying, and feel like you've done a bazillion tummy crunches because you're laughing so hard. I get him back in my city for a month and a half to two months at a time, and then he's gone again for months on end.

Gad I love Cancer men. Funniest, sexiest, most attractive creatures on the earth, I swear. I click with them like nobodies business.

I miss my nephew, who is my sunshine. I haven't seen him in over a month and a half, other than a brief stop-by of him and his mom 2 weeks ago. I miss hearing that giggle, and cuddling the brat. I miss talking to his mom, who's one of my best girlfriends.

What the hell happened? Where did my life go? Where did my SEX life go? Where did my involvement in local culture go? I used to be SO active in my past. I feel like a shadow of myself.

Damn it... I can't put my finger on WHY I'm so disgruntled today, and it's irritating the hell out of me, along with everything else.