I Can't Get No, Sa-Tis-Fac-Tion...

*grumbles* I feel a bitchfest coming on...

Frustrated right now, VERY unsatisfied, and I'm not feeling attractive.

At all.

I know it's just a matter of my imagination getting the best of me, and that I'm just tired, a little burnt out from the week, hungry and lonely, but Fuck. It's seriously it's not a pleasant state of mind.

Perhaps it's just a feeling of neglect, or of being unappreciated. Loneliness, as usual has become that semi-permanant state of being. Even though I'm surrounded by people, every single day, I still have no one to really connect with. And that is trying at times.

Maybe it's the fact that no one has flirted with me in weeks. Well, yes and no. However, I'm not going into any further details.

I'm sure the feeling will pass soon enough.

Actually, I know it will pass in about two hours. Considering I get an hour long Swedish relaxation massage. (And no, there is no happy ending... I can do that on my own thanks.)

I know it's just stress eating away at me right now. I need to relax... *sighs*

My hands have started shaking again, and have been for the past week and a half or so, which is never a good sign.

I have this feeling that when the time comes, I'm going to be one of those old ladies, that shake uncontrollably doing the simplest tasks. Like drinking a cup of tea, or trying to get change out of my change purse when I'm buying my groceries. And that's a little scary. More than a little scary.

Maybe it's just that I've been contemplating my own mortality and taking life too seriously lately.

An acquaintance of mine, told me once that my eyes looked too sad for someone my age. Maybe it's that, for someone my age, I've seen a lot of nasty things happen. I've seen the worst that people have to offer. However no one takes that into consideration, being that I'm pretty good at concealing it. Even after everything I've seen, I'm still nauseatingly optimistic... It bothers me at times.

I know, it's hard to believe, but I'm actually fairly serious. Well, most of the time.

I just love to entertain people. I get a thrill out of making someone laugh, because life is difficult enough without joy in it.

I'm very, VERY glad it's Friday. I'm also very glad my masseuse is going to be here in about half an hour. I need to feel that numb, content, Zen-like frame of mind. I miss it. I haven't had a massage in months.

But what I REALLY want, is a hug. Simple eh?

Oh, and maybe a good, sound fucking.

Or maybe a combination of a hug, a massage, and a good, sound fucking.

Any way you look at it, it all sounds just peachy.

Catch ya on the flip-flop.

Linds.