Confidence Level = 0.

My old assistant manager from safeway, Mark, (a.k.a. "Legs") took me out for coffee and a walk along Davie Street and through parts of English Bay this evening. my old work injury flared up on my left hip, but it was worth the walk. And though I'm *really* spaced out, the evening was lovely, and I genuinely missed hanging out with Legs. I went from working with him almost 4 to 5 days per week, to not seeing him since late April, before my trip to Dallas at the beginning of May.

He's got an attitude that you don't find very often. I've only found it in one or two of my friends, actually. From the moment I met him over a year and a half ago, even as an authority figure (Considering he's six months younger than I am, that's a kicker.) he's been a person that I could just sit down and talk to. We became friends pretty quickly, being the same age, and having similar senses of humour, as well as both being outrageously flirtatious.

Tonight, as we sat down on the logs at the waterfront, and watched the sun go down, we talked about everything... And he listened to a helluva lot from me. I think he heard a lot more into my words than I intended, because I was trying to keep my tone light, and trying to not talk about the things that were really eating away at me, that I was trying to keep calm, but then I guess he could see my facial expression, which lately has been a frown, or completely expressionless.

Sadly enough, he's the only male that I've ever sat down at the beach with and watched the sun set. Hell, other than one brief one night stand at Jericho beach at one in the morning, he's the only guy that's ever taken me to the beach. That dude doesn't count, though.

Mark noticed and mentioned multiple times, that I walk with my arms crossed tightly across my body, and to "loosen up". I know that from a couple of kinesiology books and human body language books I've read that crossed arms indicate a low sense of confidence, body image, or emotional state, and a need to be either alone, or comforted... I didn't realize how much I was portraying that.

I've failed Final Cut, which wasn't surprising considering my lack of enthusiasm regarding it, but rather, very dissapointing on my behalf. I didn't really seem to give a shit about the course itself, being something that I wasn't even intending on doing once I got around to doing actual work. I want to work with print and photographical advertising. As a plus, though, I scored a B+ in my Colour and Concept, which was about four times better than what I did in first term for colour theory, taught by the same instructor. Tit for tat, I guess.

I'm stressed. I'll admit it. Moreso than before term ended, and I'm not digging it all that much. I think I've gone and gotten a little mad, to be honest, and that scares the shit out of me.

I'm contemplating taking a break from writing, and I wish I could take a break from designing as well, if only for a couple of weeks, but I've got a website I'm obligated to produce in a short amount of time.

If my boyfriend has decided to blow me off as so much overly-emotional flotsam, well... I think I need to be single for a long, long time.