Here I sit in the middle of the Dallas/Ft. Worth metroplex, behind the screen of a Compaq nx9010 and the moniker Unfortunate Serendipity……when Linds invites me to join the elite team manning GSD.
First, the catch in my breathing…then the sweaty palms.
Of course, I agree. Then panic – what the heck can I contribute that can compare in any way to the posts already here?
Answer – I cannot compete…Nonetheless, I compose.
I admire Linds for many reasons....for her brilliant and witty banter, her insightful commentary.....and her amazing cheekbones.....b*tch. (Love you, girl).
I have been intrigued by the Blogathon concept, but have yet to commit to one, because I value my sleep, selfish wench that I am. But, I love the absolute immersion shown by the participants – and the camaraderie that develops across the miles, borders, genders and cultures.
I am a recent transplant to the DFW area. I grew up in the wild expanse that is West Texas, in a tiny town with a population smaller than the number of cattle housed at the feedlot two miles from my house. Fervently religious, conservative, quiet, unassuming.
Then I arrived in Dallas. It was truly a case of intrastate culture shock.
I cursed the traffic…then bought an Avalanche to bully my way through a population of people that I can only assume were absent the day that 'proper merging techniques' were taught in Drivers' Education.
I got a wonderful job managing the HR department for a company headquartered in Dallas. A year later, I feel well-established. I am not rolling in money, but it pays the bills and gives me some cash with which to play, if I am careful.
Of course……once the culture shock wears off…one starts to assimilate.
I detested the 'Dallas Snobs' who wouldn't leave the 214 area code for fear of getting 'Ft. Worth cooties'. I sneered in derision at the way they stared down their beautifully sculpted noses. Of course, I have become one of them (without the sculpted nose, mind you). I groan at the thought of having to travel further west than the PetsMart near my house.
I hated Dallas men…brash braggarts…30k 'millionaires'...financially overextended, full of bravado with nothing tangible to back it up. Of course, I relented and dated a few of them. It was something I had to do. That was an exercise in futility. I very clearly remembered getting fed up with one, telling him that he could apply his lips to my posterior region before I'd see him again….and haughtily walking out of an upscale locale……..only to remember I had no ride. (Hey, I never said I was brilliant, you see.)
I shopped for loft space, became a shopping fiend at Ann Taylor…and planned my life around Happy Hours and found myself with a group of friends on 'lists' around town. My job allows me to score box seats at a few major sporting events…and I have found myself going to concerts and shows I would never have dreamed about attending back when I was 'only a West Texas farm girl.'
I have friends back home who are jealous of the life I lead…and I have something to tell them.
I miss home. I miss walking a mile out into the middle of a cotton field alone, and yet feeling connected. Of knowing I have 'roots'….a sense of belonging. I miss the serenity that used to envelope me like a cocoon…..living in a place where nothing truly bad ever happens….a place where people still leave their doors unlocked when they leave home, just in case a neighbor needs to 'stop by and use the phone'. I miss knowing the name of everyone in my town…of greeting someone and immediately being drawn into a conversation…time slows down when you're home.
I miss the fact that a date used to be someone who met your parents before they whisked you off to dinner, a movie and quite possibly some lewd behavior in the middle of a softball field overgrown with late fall grasses. ( Not that I would know, of course…just in case my father ever reads this). I miss friends with whom you could do nothing at all….just share one another's company….instead of meticulously planning a 'party strategy' to ensure you got the most 'social' bang for your buck and popularity points for your group.
I miss my father….of being able to fold my now-adult body into a tiny ball and sob on his shoulder while he comforts me, and assures me everything will turn out just fine. Somehow I always believed him….and turn out fine, it did. Where is he when I arrive home from work now and search for some sign that what I do actually matters in the grand scheme of things?
I make the best of living in the whirlwind that is Dallas …try to broaden my horizons in every way possible. I soak up the culture, the scenery, the people…and take a little bit of it with me every time………I know I am making memories and developing friendships that I hope will stand the test of time and will mature beyond mere social interaction…..
…….I just hope that someday, it feels like 'home' to me, too.
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